Need to get back to regular posting on this blog. All the stuff I want to say piles up in my head and then I don't make the time to write it down and it sort of dissipates, gets lost somewhere, floats into some sort of interweb ether...

sooooo firstly I need to have a little rant about car adverts... why is it that manufacturers think they can fuse the use of cars with nature in such a integral way...cars and car-use destroy the natural environment!!!! roads kill off biodiversity, the fuel that we use casually floats off into the atmosphere and destroys the natural balance of things and they are, old or new, ugly unsightly mechanical heaps!! and yet a car advert has a single glistening vehicle in some distant rural setting zipping around as if it was the only 'creature' on the planet... there's a new one that amazed me.. it leaves a vapour trail behind it and people are looking at this polluting smog in wonder as if it was something special??? now what is that all about?????????

ok rant over... that one has been wafting through my brain cells in need of release for some time now and well yes that is what blogs are for is it not????

and so the search for the london bombers continues, the return to a sort of normality takes place, we had a two minutes silence across Europe on Thursday... and my head swims with thoughts.... we have not had any minutes silence for any civilian deaths in Iraq.... perhaps we should??? I was in a little woodland with 10 eleven year olds on thursday and we stopped what we were doing and I found it quite a special moment... just being silent, thinking of the connection of all of those others also standing silent... and it really makes me ponder human connectivity and the power it gives... maybe it brings out the old hippy in me but I am sure there is something beyond individuals and there is 'something' that connects us in ways beyond present day understanding????

Anyway stepping aside from weird new agey ponderings... to the people that planted the bombs... I thought it was very good that good old Ken (Livingstone)did not speak of revenge, eye for an eye type rhetoric but was calm and spoke of the need for understanding and peace... this is not a time, in fact there is never a time, when violence can be answered by violence... it just escalates the whole situation....I truely feel for the bombers families as much as for the victims families... it must be terrible to discover that one's child could be involved in something so awful, to be so committed to a violent ideology that they actually killed for it.... ??? another thing beyond comprehension.... but but but....

listening to R4 the other morning when they announced that it had indeed been British citizens that carried out the bombings, the next news item concerned American officers in Guantanamo Bay being accused of abusive and degrading activites to their 'prisoners', the final main story was about British soldiers possibly being charged with war crimes for their activities in Iraq... and the injustice of it all reminded me of some angry young Irish men that I knew in the 70's who felt so strongly about other acts of injustice that they considered violence as an option...and although I could never condone any act of violence I could understand their anger, (thankfully the IRA have (sort of) come to understand that violence does not help any cause).... it is possible to have some level of empathy with angry young muslims today..... hopefully they too will come to realise that violence just isn't an answer????????

came across this blog and thought you might like to read some of the quotes from Fox News!!

I feel this blog is being sadly neglected of late as I am now spending more and more time at Mepal staying in my caravan and living in a world that appears far from my previous existence of sitting at a computer screen day in day out. But this week events unfolded that brought the two worlds aligned for a while.... we had a group of school children in from a central London school on Thursday and as we were preparing for a day of high ropes, climbing and kayaking news started filtering in of an explosion in London. At first it was simply one text message from a girl's mother but soon there was enough to warrant putting on the TV to discover just what was happening.... it became an unsettled day of listening to news unfold, carrying on as 'normal' and talking and listening to the teenagers as they in turn needed to talk through their fears and worries.... It all felt strange as the world I inhabited last year joined the world I now inhabit as I spoke to friends still living in London and working in the very areas that were targetted..... it felt personal too in an unexpected way... it felt as if it was my London that had been violated and actually Ken Livingstone put it extremely eloquently when he spoke of London as a place were you are free to be who you want to be... this is just how I feel about London and why each time I return I feel as if I am returning home... it is truely a place where you can just be... where you can be yourself without fear or recrimination... and that is what was attacked...There has been a lot of talk of the indomitable spirit of the place which is certainly true but what is also very very special about London is the sense of freedom and home that makes people from all over the world call themselves Londoners and pride themselves in the sense of belonging to the place... this to me is what was attacked... those bombs were aimed at all Londoners with absolutely no regard for religion, race, belief, status... and that's what is so senseless about it all....

so now today I sit at the computer trying to write and I feel as if I have forgotten how.... it has all become a bit meaningless

woke up to the sounds of dawn rising this morning... have seen dawn a number of times over the last few days, this morning was slightly different though, as I awoke to sounds of lorries turning, pulling up and parking .... I was in South Mimms service station, just off the M25, having stopped there late the night before as I was just too tired to drive all the way home from Glastonbury... so simply curled up on the back seat under my sleeping bag and fell immediately into a deep sleep... finally got home at about 7.00am this morning!

What a weekend though! Glastonbury improves with each visit.... maybe it's because I now know all the back streets of this particular urban/rural jungle or the fact that there are loads of lovely people there, many now really good friends.. but each year the treasurable moments increase exponentially... it is just magical!

There is certainly an atmosphere there that is remarkably full of kindness, generosity, caring, supportiveness and one of overall enjoyment but it is an enjoyment that is inclusive, it is not to the detriment of others... everyone has a really good time and is happy to share it with everyone else... I cant really put it into words but there is something luscious about the feeling...

special moments were numerous... I arrived in the company of good friends and was really happy to discover three people I had met last year were also back again... and S & R had got tickets too and it was lovely to see them again.... loved S's reaction to the bins... she is a hardy festival goer but hasn't been to G before and got really, really excited about the number of colour-coded bins that are liberally spread around every bit of the festival in an attempt to keep it as clean and tidy as possible ...there was no climbing wall this year but instead it was a triangular high ropes course... platform 2 became my home and saturday evening I was up there, Brian on platform three, Nigel on platform one and we were all dancing to music from the Jazz world whilst working and thoroughly enjoying every moment of it... had one or two minor rescues but generally everyone that had a go, even the ones that looked absolutely terrified, said they really enjoyed it....

didn't really do the rushing around to see loads of bands thing this year at all and the bands I did see were more by accident than design. Must admit though to being really impressed by Coldplay which was a bit of a surprise as I have always thought of them as a bit too mellow.. but it sounds like the new album might be a bit raunchier than previous ones so I might be tempted to purchase it.. loved their version of Kylie's 'can't get you out of my head' too!! and Brian Wilson!!!!!!!!!! the set was perfect for a sunday afternoon in the sun at G!! Good vibrations indeed!

oh yes I seem to have forgotten to mention the rain....! Bloody scary lying in a tent alone watching massive hits of lighting bounce around the sky, hearing thunder that actually made you cringe and blasts of noise that indicated direct hits and having what felt like a continuous stream from a very powerful hosepipe, turned on full, aimed at the top of my tent, which incidentally didn't let in a drop of water!!, and all the while desperately wanting to go to the loo!!! When the bladder finally insisted that enough was enough I donned poncho and wellies put my feet outside and realised there was what appeared to be a stream flowing all around! The ground was just totally unable to absorb the vast amount of water that had been thrown at it so lakes, streams, ponds, even minor oceans changed the landscape of the site quite dramatically!

Will add photo's later!

wandered around the greenfields a bit, drank pear cider, talked with friends hearing stories of climbing exploits, exchanging snippets of life histories, sharing moments of discovery of similarities of experience until daylight arrived and we had to disperse to various tents and catch a bit of sleep before starting the next shift... ate an inordinate amount of healthy food.. to the extent that I feel in need of a good re-tox of cake, biscuits and crisps!!! Felt more and more confident in my own climbing abilities too which was great. Lost Vagueness lost its appeal but the little garden in the greenpeace field became a favourite spot... and the sun returned with a gentle breeze and by sunday the wellies were put away and it was possible to get around the site in sandals... so many magic moments my head is bursting with it all and I could cry!!

The face is bright pink again, my back aching loads but today I am a happy woman... passed my Level 2 powerboat assessment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok so my 'holding off' wasn't that brilliant but boy did I do my man-overboard thingy well!! So now I hold a usefully recognised paper qualification in boat skills!!!! Hilarious really!

Plus I have taken up the sport of slacklining!!!! and I can see it becoming an obsession... I am even going to buy my own slackline so I can set it up wherever I am and practise!! Maybe a bit of description is required.... ok you have heard of tightrope walking... where the ummmm rope is very very tight and you errrr 'simply' walk along it, well imagine that that tight rope is a ..... slack line! It wobbles like hell!!!I could only manage 4 steps on my first go!!!! and that was after about two hours of getting to that point!

Spending the evening supervising the public climbing session tonight.... there are 12 people climbing at the moment and I feel too lazy to join in so thought I would make the most of the computer and add a comment or two...

Was in London at the weekend... meal at Quecum Bar (yes i know a terrible name!!!) it was somewhere down Battersea High Street... pleasant place and got to see London friends... which was nice indeed...

sad stuff at home though as J & H have split up... will be very sad not to see H again.... she has been part of the family for so long....and this is the first big split up for either J or J....

looking forward to Glastonbury and have had my confirmation from Greenpeace about my ticket... made me laugh though as the letter said I would be working on the climbing 'frame' I know they said it would be a smaller wall this year but how much smaller????? Just hoping it's an admin error...

Have just finished reading The Eternal Child by Clive Bromhall, a fascinating read about human evolution that really does seem to pull together lots of anomalies concerning human development and human behaviour. It is well written and its arguments are clear... it is the sort of book that makes you look at the world differently after reading it!

Now well settled into my new job and the season has really started so it's busy now until September. We had a residential group in this week and I was 'looking after' them so took them for a mixture of activities like climbing but also had to do evening activities so had them playing games in the woodland and by the time it came for them to leave felt I knew them all very well and they were all really sweet saying their goodbyes and thankyous... so this job is more than just the activity. It is getting pretty social too... we have public climbing once a week which I join in although feel slightly intimidated by the group of French blokes who are very loud and quite expert climbers... I always seem to bang my head on the wall or slip off as I am about to start when they are there???

Last Sunday was gorgeous weather...the only day so far ... and the evening was really quiet so I though I would go for a swim. You see in my head I have this plan of getting really really fit and swimming everyday is included in that plan. But it is still May and the weather has actually been quite cold so the lake hasn't really warmed up yet... taking this into account I put my wetsuit on... thank god I did... I stepped into a shallow bit near the jetty and literally had my breath taken away from me... but I was in the water so couldn't at this point turn back, it would look very silly to put a wetsuit on and then stand in the lake up to my knees and then get out...but it was freezing freezing freezing!!!At each stroke I could feel a little trickle of icy water creep into the back of my wetsuit and despite the theory of wetsuits it did not get any warmer!! So I swam up and around the moored powerboats, passed the yacht along to the other jetty and then straight back to the jetty and ran straight into the shower.

The week before all the staff went on a high ropes trainers course which was excellent... very very inspiring and massively confidence building.... by the end of it I was happily hanging upside down rescuing someone 30 ft up... and it has made me more confident generally with all the activities ... I have learnt that I can push myself quite easily to do lots of physically difficult stuff...

Back after 4 days of living in a hut with no electric or heating... my bed is going to seem so lovely tonight! Have just been on an Archery Leaders course ... hmmmm it was actually quite arduous and this was not because of the archery but more the conditions we had to cope with... all very rainy and the site became waterlogged immediately, so have returned as if from Glastonbury with everything mud splashed and grimy!!

so have sat at the computer to check emails and have stayed sitting.... time being sucked away into the ether.... ended up looking at a sight which tells you who to vote for after asking some very basic questions...this is what it came up with for me..

Who should I vote for? v2

Your expected outcome:

Labour

Your actual outcome:

	Labour 39
Conservative -71
	Liberal Democrat 129
UK Independence Party -43
	Green 117

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Interesting!

Have been away for a long time... almost back in touch with the world though as I have got a new computer (ish) and just waiting now for ntl to actually turn up when they say they will to sort out the modem...

recent events have been amazing

Last week I turned up at work monday morning all aglow from a lovely weekend, I was expecting to be painting the climbing frame and so had brought suitable trousers for painting. There were no customers in so it was meant to be a time for catching up on the mundane type of jobs that can so easily get forgotten about.... discovered a wonderful change of plan... it was to be a training week for all the staff... so this week I have jumped backwards off a 35 ft timber pole, played kayak polo, learnt to paddle a canoe in a straight line using just one side of the canoe (???) now know how to put together a sequence of moves on the trampoline, and I have won my first dinghy race!!! My body feels like it has been hit on all sides by a human meat tenderiser, I have the most amazing pattern of bruises below my knees and it has been absolutely marvelous!!!

To cap it all off I spent friday night wandering from Brick Lane to Whitehall in the early hours and joined in a remarkable Vote for Justice march passing Downing Street at 7am on Saturday morning



Slept quite a bit of yestrday, am in Southend at Shaun's, alone as he has gone off to organise/run a Non Violent Direct Action day for Greenpeace .... I just felt that finishing the weekend joining in with that would have killed me off completely so declined the offer to join him, instead I plan to catch up with some emails, potter a bit and read a fascinating book Watching the English by Kate Fox that I started a week ago but as I keep falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow I am barely into the first chapter....

Life has changed completely again!!!! Have worked at Mepal for a week now and have gone through a whole gamut of emotions from fear and frustration to pure pure pleasure!!

Turned up Monday having had a most incredible weekend... more of that later....not really knowing what to expect... the day was busy.. full of 16 year old public school boys... worked on the high ropes section... very buzzy... it is a series of 40 ft high timber poles with a variety of activities like a trapeze to leap towards...and similar sort of stuff... it was fun... exhausting.... a sort of confusing day.... hate being new and not knowing where anything ... you feel so stupid.... the week sauntered on... my face getting progressively pinker with each glimpse of the sun.... friday was splendid... got a go on the high ropes so finally it was me 40 ft up throwing myself towards a small metal bar suspended above me... and yes I caught it!!! after that had a chance to go sailing... the weird thing is I was actually more scared of this than the height thing.... and I ended up going out in a Wayfarer on my own!! had a lovely time tacking up and down the lake.. felt more comfortable with being in control and then I had to take it in to the jetty and I suddenly realised I hadn't a clue how to do it.... Les the lovely 78 year old sailing instructor called out instructions from the bank and I awkwardly steered it in... terrifying!!!!

and in amonst all this marvellously new adventure I have met someone gorgeous from Greenpeace.. and have been starting a whole new thing.... we went climbing last weekend... and well it has been brilliant.....feel very warm and content....

and now there's just today and tomorrow left... and more work to do than i can possibly fit in... particularly as I am spending time writing this!! Peter, the cleaner, presented me with a plant this morning and I actually felt quite emotional!! Tomorrow's leaving do lunch might be hard work!!!

Going for lunch in Browns today with Lindsay an old friend who now runs her own outdoor cente... it's mostly mechanical stuff like her monster truck, quad bikes and go karts... will probably help out on occassional days there this summer.... there's just so many possibilities throwing themselves at me at the moment it's all rather difficult to take in...

and the sun is shining, spring is here and life is bloody marvellous!

Three days left working here at the university... ahhhh no more little trips up to Dampt (the Department of applied maths and theoretical physics) no more popping in to Old Schools with porters in ancient costumes... no more stuffy hierarchical unhelpfulness either and pompous blinkered attitudes!!! god knows just what I will be doing after next monday but it will be different!!! Very different

The weekend was splendid... met a lively and interesting group of Essex Greenpeace people... and will arrange to do some joint actions with them and the Cambridge group so that is really positive.... might have found someone to do a bit of climbing and sailing with too but that is another story!!!! Went to Mile End with C and had a bit of a boulder around.... still a very friendly inviting place... lovely to be back really

but feel I want to write about the suitable womb theory again.... think I mentioned ages ago about meeting chappies in their 30's who seemed only prepared to enter into a committed relationship if the woman had a suitable womb, ie if she specifically said she wanted babies.... anyone else just wasn't good enough... have been pondering this a bit... obviously its not all men but it does seem to be much more common than I had at first realised.. having conversations with others slightly younger than me, I find I am not the only one that is coming across this phenomenon... pondering further I think it reflects a massive change in our society and fertility choices... Thirty or forty years ago, prior to efficient contraception, if a couple were in any sort of relationship then pregnancy was always possible... there was limited choice in the matter but now things have changed dramatically... women have the choice and complete control of their fertility, if they chose to use it... and men just have go with it... which is so fundamental a change that I'm amazed that it isn't acknowledged more... so men are now making their choice in a different way .. and rather than selecting a partner because of other needs the paramount choice is one of potential fertility....men seem to want babies more than previously acknowledged...

For the first time ever I have to say I am thankful for existence of The House of Lords!!!!!!!!!! Amazingly I completley endorse their holding up of the Terrorist Bill and am utterly in favour of the sunset clause and feel that the Government is totally totally wrong in it's actions. Tony Blair's assertion that, without this bill going through, the country will be set upon immediatley by a new breed of terrorism is nothing short of emotional blackmail more closely aligned to George Bush's rhetoric than any Labour PM should ever be!!!

Busy weekend ahead, industrial climbing! Party in Hoxton, beer in Shoreditch, a visit to Decathlon in Canada Water, catching up with friends!!! and a day off on Monday!!! Last week at the university next week...

lost the ability to walk downstairs!!! at the moment I am looking like either a hobbled convict or a feeble 98 year old making a last ditch attempt at independence!! It's not a good look at all! So the weekend was spent sailing but more of that later....
Went to see Sideways on thursday and thoroughly enjoyed the film, even if it was about two appalling unattractive characters.... it was very very amusing and you actually found sympathy growing for the depressive unpublished writer Miles! It was set in Californian wine country and the scenery looked as delicious as the descriptions of the wine .... I haven't actually laughed out loud in a cinema as often as I did for this film, and despite the brief story line, the awful characters and the unguessable ending it was a warm and delightful film!?

Then friday another Darwin Lecture in the Conflict series...this time it was Willy Brown, Master of Darwin and someone I have heard speak before... this was actually a vast improvement on Kate Adie as he gave a coherent and fascinating talk on the rise and fall of trade unionism, with only the merest glimmer of hope for the future world in the newly arisen development of ethical trading/fair trade consumerism... interesting!

So saturday I had to force myself out of bed... had the startings of a cold and I felt really heavy and tired.... stuffed massive amount of clothes in a backpack, put an even massively larger amount on and headed for Mepal..... sort of dreaded it really... but of course once we were out on the water I utterly loved it.... even when it snowed!!! Admittedly the time that the boat, a Wayfarer, nearly capsized my heart pinged into fear mode, but god it was good.... the lake isn't big so it sort of felt that as soon as you tacked you had to tack again but by sunday afternoon my brain had taught my hands to shift the tiller and rope (whoops I mean sheet)each turn and we were racing! Probably not good spectator sport as we fluffled up one tack after another but fun to be doing!!

saturday evening C kindly cooked pasta and afterwards we headed out to see The Life Aquatic.... an intrigueing film, decidedly odd but very amusing, wonderful music and hilarious 70's detailing, loved the addidas trainers!!!and the red hats!!!!! definitely a film to see again as I feel I missed sooooo much of what was going on.....

Becoming more and more concerned about what is happening in this country. It has been bad enough with the Americans claiming independence from International law and the goings on in Guantanamo have been very very scary but there's stuff afoot here in the UK that seems to highlight a fundametal change in our supposedly democratic country. Going through Parliament at the moment is a bill that precludes the natural right of any citizen a recourse to the courts and a fair trial, which is so fundamental to what is right and proper about our judicial system that it makes a mockery of what should be a true democracy, a democracy that has taken hundreds of years to develop! Even simple, and non-violent, street protests are under threat! It looks like soon if I hand out a Greenpeace leaflet giving information to a couple of people whilst on the street I will be committing an illegal act! It is getting very very scary!

Having a very sociable week. Met C in the picturehouse and then went on to the Rainbow restaurant in Kings St, had some splendid french onion soup amidst good conversation and a single glass of white wine!!!! Having the car is moderating the alcohol consumption!! Then yesterday went with R, a kiwi workmate to The venue for lunch and it was lovely lovely food, a gorgeously white setting, and exceptionally friendly service, definitely happy to go back there again, it was probably the best for food that I have experienced since the Blue Print Cafe in Shad Thames and then tonight I'm off to a Darwin Lecturegiven by Kate Adie, which should be very interesting!!!! Tomorrow I have a climbing wall supervisors course and sunday a first aid course... busy busy busy!!!!!

It's already thursday and I haven't even mentioned the weekend!! The gig on friday; lovely to see S&R again!! Had beer with them and then headed to the Palais in Hammersmith. It's a small venue which seems oddly sideways??? I know that doesn't sound at all logical but it is a sideways gig, the stage just seems in the wrong place??? So the support band were the Departure, who sounded like Joy Division meets Franz Ferdinand, and really epitomised a fairly solid support band... they were listenable to but not enough to stop conversation! and then there was Graham! Now I don't know if I was distracted by conversation, have seen Graham maybe far too many times or it was the venue??? Went into the moshpit but it was full of unfriendly teenager boys, jiggled a bit but then headed to the periphery again to rejoin friends, Graham ended with a very self indulgent piece that had worrying reminders of 70's prog rock.... but I still love the bloke in his nerdyness

Saturday and i decided to forgo the SUV stickering to head into Covent Garden for the important purchase of a climbing harness. Tried a number on and one was by far the most comfortable and seeing as i'll be wearing it most of the day whilst working it seemed the one to buy so I got a Petzl Calidris



and was very very excited indeed... now impatient to try it out!

oh dear... have you ever sent an email by mistakenly clicking reply rather than forward??? oh dear... I just have... hopefully C will have a sense of humour....

and tonight it is Graham!!!

.

You know what it's like when you are walking hurriedly in search of lunch and you see ahead placcarded people thrusting leaflets to all and sundry.... usually I give a wide berth, avoid eye contact and march onwards... today instead I, inexplicably, reached out and requested a leaflet.... ???? I do not know what on earth made me do this...? Odd indeed... and odder indeed are the contents!

The leaflet describes the possible means to effect global change....! It simply gets people to vote for a political party or politician that pledges to implement the Simultaneous Policy alongside other governments who have also pledged to do so...... The SP policies to be adopted are things such as fair trade/ environmental sustainability /true democracy /an end to weapons of mass destruction and to war itself... all seemingly idealistic pipe-dreams at the moment because all governments are strait-jacketed by market/corporate forces..... this is a means of giving voters a more cohesive base... it is quite a radical idea... but if enough people sign up it could possibly start to effect the behaviour of political parties ..... hmmmmm interesting indeed!!!

and a possible answer is ETA an organisation similar to the AA or RAC but they only support sustainable transport and you can offset your CO 2 emmisions as well!!!

as a supposedly eco-friendly environmentally aware sort of person I am deriving an awful amount of pleasure from the ownership of a car!!!!

oh dear not doing a very good job looking after Gordon, who has since been renamed Bella. Luigi, (who is Steven Hawkin's hardresser!!!!) called him Gordon but now after driving her I feel a sex change is necessary and she is now Bella the beautiful!!! So ... set off nice and early saturday morning, parked around the corner from the train station as I'm too much of a cheap skate to pay for a weekend's worth of parking in a BR car park. Found a nice little car park for a DIY shop so left Bella there, caught the train and met up with people at Holborn tube... went to the start of the march and was handed a blue and orange flag with odd symbols on it, one of them a yin and yang (Mongolia) and stood in line listening to loud radical protest songs and just sort of waiting, happily enough, for the march to start. A while later, and we were definitely on Greenpeace time here... so have no idea of the actual time.... and after hurried instruction about flag waving, from a man I learned later was called John, we set off. The flags were of all the countries that had signed up to the Kyoto Treaty, there were about 140 in all and made a very colourful vibrant spectacle as we walked for 3 miles around London's city centre.





Photo's by Andrew Or on the Campaign against Climate Change website

On arrival at the US embassy flag wavers got to wave their flags enthusiatically while orchestrated by John into waving continent by continent, highlighting the lack of a flag from North America, I was surprised to find that Australia was also missing from the group too!!!! Then there were speeches, then there were drinks, found myself with friends singing Bohemian Rhapsody in a very loud voice on the tube...hmmm now how did that happen??????

Sunday we struggled to get up/move/do anything ....one of the group declared they wanted to keep a pet Jackdaw, an idea which was met with supefaction by some, utter horror by others. I had heard this suggestion before but really hadn't taken it terribly seriously, thinking it more of a whim and not really thought through in any practical way, so I totally took the piss but it appears that D was going as far as getting a Jackdaw box set up in woods so that he could help himself to a chick if a pair chose to nest there. Lets hope the residence proves to be highly undesirable...


... by about 3 o'clock managed to wend our beery way to Trafalgar sq for the Chinese New Year celebrations... to see and hear the very last performance of the day The Red Poppy Drummers!! and splendid they were too!

so I headed back to Cambridge ... to find the DIY shop that Bella was parked in to be closed and big massive gates locking Bella in!!!!!! Had to get a lift from Angel!!Bella is still there.... will have to rescue her after work....

went to my first Cambridge Greenpeace meeting last night and now find myself co-ordinator!! should be interesting. This Greenpeace group was a little different to others I have come across, friendly enough indeed, in fact they seemed a very pleasant bunch, but their minds were focused on disertations and deadlines and they were very intense about all issues, which obviously is not a bad thing, but I wanted them to lighten up a bit too... it was all about agenda's ,minute taking and points of order!!! Compared to Southwark's meeting in the Royal Festival Hall's foyer this was very very ordered!! One gentle chap also suggested that we don't push the fact that we're a Greenpeace group too much as it can be antagonistic!!!! Surely it is much better to talk to people about our aims and goals and get people to understand why the group acts the way it does rather than hide away from the issues...!

the weekend looks good... going on a march tomorrow concerning the Kyoto treaty, meeting up with friends for that and continuing on to Carla's for dinner then sunday celebrating the Year of the Rooster... and seeing as I am a Rooster I feel this is a worthy cause indeed!!

Thanks to Mr Wolf for a positive comment too, not that I don't want the negative ones but obviously nicer ones are................... nicer!!!

braved the rust bucket pages, met the inimitable Luigi and now am the proud possessor of a VW golf!!! called Gordon! sweet! sweet! sweet! Gordon will be coming home with me tonight and I will look after him for as long as he lives, which considering his age and rust bucketness might not be too long but he was cheap and that was the major factor on my list! So Gordon and I will hopefully have a long and fruitful relationship, travel many many miles together and enjoy each other's company!!!! Anyone want a visit just let me know when you are free... I want to journey!!!!!

time zipps too much! it's now wednesday and nearly a week since I wrote anything!! So what has happened in the meantime???.... had an internet date that was quite enjoyable!!! That's an unusual occurance indeed! Restores one's faith a bit! So I might even see him again! But not getting too excited about it... quite happy on my own really at the moment....

am enjoying the unusual pleasure of having money in my bank account, I know this one defintely wont last but it's a fleeting pleasure nevertheless... and was quite excited to purchase new saucepans and other stuff for the kitchen, now how exciting a life do I lead???!!! Purchased paint for the kitchen too... now this is where it really does get exciting.... four lushciously vibrant colours were selelcted by J and myself, spent a while on the choice and then some more time on the choice of which colour for which wall... so the major colours for the main walls are a deep purple and a rich turquoise, these are opposite each other and inbetween are a strawberry- almost pillar box red and a marvellously sunshine yellow for the wall with the window........ and oddly it works really really well, I mean surprisingly well! It has made the kitchen warm and vibrant and pleasant to be in, and definitely added a touch of individualism to it! Odd as I have spent the last 20 years painting all walls white and shying away from any colour experience....

went to see Ocean's 12 on saturday with the girls... pleasant film ...pleasant evening...

now attempting to purchase a cheap car...before I spend all my tax rebate on fripperies....where to start?????? without a car I cant go looking at garages that sell them...and buying from the small adds seems fraught with potential rust buckets??? any suggestions?

of course the nice thing once I have actually bought a car is that I will be able to visit old friends again, go off on weekends whenever I want, purchase more than one carrier bag full of shopping at a time and get phone calls in the middle of the night from J or J pleading for a lift!!! Plus might cut down on alcohol consumption... perhaps....

happy happy happy... tax rebates make you happy....

back on the auction site... have found a cooker... loads of money... half price so far... if I keep my cool and wait until 10 seconds before the close I might get it!!!!!! It closes at 5.00 so crossing fingers that no-one else bids in the meantime...

and have had a look at bloggernity again and Delilah is now No. 5 in Most Popular and No. 6 in Top Rated!!! and no it wasn't me that did the other hits!!!!

ah the excitement of the chase... discovered the delights of bidding on an internet auction yesterday .... and the agony!!!

was trundling around looking for a reconditioned cooker as my cooker needs a repair and I wondered if it would be cheaper to get a newish one... and I discovered Comet Clearance auctions!! trawled through the pages and spotted a small freezer with a standing bid of £61 and the auction finished at 5.00! Yes I know I was looking for a cooker but I need a freezer too!!!! and this was potentially cheap... so I made my bid for the next price which was £71... after half an hour of mild interest I was outbid... so I decided to try to outwit my fellow bidder and I waited deciding that 4.58 would be the right time to place my next bid.... after literally clock watching for nearly an hour I clicked on confirm bid.... the page flashed Bidding Closed and my fist punched the air in excitement!! but my inbox was flashing with an incoming mail... I hadn't made the final bid... someone else got there in the closing seconds!!!!!!!

Made the afternoon much more interesting though!!!

Went to Kettles Yard saturday and had a look at the latest exhibition. It has been a while since I have been to the gallery and next time I must make time to visit the house as well. The house is gorgeous in it's white walled, book lined simplicity.



Exactly the sort of house you could imagine living in happily forever. It is protected by a team of silverhaired ladies and on arrival you have to ring the bell to have a little pleasant smiling face peer around the door and invite you in. It's a rather lovely experience in itself.

Anyway the exhibition was by Mary Martin and entitled 'The end is always to achieve simplicity' which seems entirely appropriate for Kettles Yard.



But it didn't really do much for me, it was sort of mainly blocky bits of wood and perspex arranged geometrically and yes the arrangement was well executed but that was it really...

Yesterday after spending four months working opposite the building and staring through the window at a large Henry Moore I went to have a quick lunchtime look at the Fitzwilliam museum. This is a complete contrast.. the outside of the building has vast columns, and inside is decorated in a gaudy complicated overabundant swishy style!!!! But tucked away are a couple of Picasso's, a lovely Braque and a very simple Giacometti bust which were all very pleasing to the eye.... wandered further and as it is chronologically organised lost interest the older the paintings became....

Thank you to the someone who checked out Delilah in the Blog Search directory and gave me a rating!!! It is number 8 in the top rated list... what is funny though is that it has only taken two votes to get to that elevated position!!!!!

January seems to be a time for reflection and detox!! Doing well on the detox... no alcohol since Jan 1st, no cakes, no meat and only a biscuit or two... loads of coffee though but there are limits to self denial!!!! But reflection, well had a bit of a ponder yesterday... I started writing Delilah in Sept 2002 when I was working for Reproduction and Human Fertility- two scientific journals that apparently now have closed!!!! I was living quietly in Cambridge and sort of waiting for something to happen... Then, the move to London where I have definitely learnt one major life lesson... I will never ever ever again move in with someone without actually getting to know them first... the whole awful slow discovery that there was a total mismatch of characters was a really dificult process to go through and left me in a difficult situation to extricate myself from.. But ..... and there's always a but.... I have gathered along the way some really good new friends and once the decision was made to move out I had some excellent adventures indeed!!!!!!! Involvement with Greenpeace gave me more new and lovely friends and more adventure... Glastonbury was a major turning point as it was there that I realised I had to get back to working with children and working outside!!! Plus the total incongruity that I felt when asked what I did, I can remember saying 'I work as a PA for a fashion company in central London' and it just didn't seem like those words could ever have actually found their way out of my mouth but they did and more weirdly they were true!! I returned to Drake's full of disastifaction!!!! So now back in Cambridge but heading off for a summer outdoors!!! Have a sailing course coming up and well just look at the picture... the high ropes section looks .... really .... high!!!!! Could write trite stuff about how content I am feeling at them moment... but will resist.... I'm off to find Jake for a coffee, Josh is around at the moment and I'm being calm about the flat and tomorrow I will go in search of a veggie sundy lunch........ ahhhhhhh! Bliss!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! lost sense of it all and now it's all pink!! Computer crashed and not saving stuff......... will see if this is saved?

.
had letter confirming job! oh joy all summer outside!!!

and I sooooooooooooooo miss being in London! It's like being sentenced to spend time in solitary confinement....yes watching good quality films is a pleasant way to spend time and yes I have tons of DIY to do but I miss all the social contact that London was starting to offer... have ended up organising an internet date again ... though not with anyone in Cambridge .... this chappie lives in Brixton!! so will choose one of my favourite bars in Hoxton and try to kid myself that I have only left London temporarily... that I will be back!

oh yes ... about the blog search directory thingy in the left column ... they sent me an email asking if I wanted to be in their listings.. so of course I have added Delilah... had a quick look at it and couldn't resist the temptation to vote for my own blog!! So Delilah has one vote now and I'm wondering if this self publicity will work to the extent that I could vote myself into their top ten... hmmmmmm this certainly is proof that I have too much time!!! anyway if you too have a moment to spare and you are one of the many regular (but quiet) readers of Delilah, howabout you have a look at the site too.. and if you have a blog there howabout an exchange of votes??? a sort of blogging back-scratching thing.....?

Monday morning. back shuffling papers around on my desk... makes me look busy! So looking forward to getting out of here and doing something entirely different... will March the 21st ever get here?

Watched a couple of good films this weekend... had a very solitary time, but as both Josh and Jake are returning from Plymouth today I tried to relish the silence and peace and tidiness!! Knowing full well that by about thursday I will have turned into a nagging haridan! Why is it they really haven't developed the ability to place used crockery inside the dishwasher rather than relying on osmosis to make plates etc pass through the semi-permeable membrane that is the kitchen surface and the top of the dishwasher??? I struggle to understand?? see I'm getting worked up about it already and they are not even back yet!!!

so the films watched were Goodbye Lenin and Cinema Paradiso

I actually got Goodbye Lenin out on friday but ended up watching it saturday morning and found it a delightful study of the changes that occurred to East Germans during the time of unification in 1989... it brought back reminders of all those magazines that my father used to get from the DDR with shiny pictures of smiling Young Pioneers... flag waving, glossy, heroic images that belied the more sombre queing for food and drabness that really defined the era. I visited Leningrad in 1972 and remember thinking it was more like visiting an entirely different decade, as if I was actually time travelling and going back to a more austere post-war period than simply another country... the film, though, also showed that not all the changes were positive and many in East Germany were left with a bitter taste of capitalism. Many of the older people had lost all that they had ever held to be ideologically true and this was the same for my father at that time too. As a longtime member of the communist party in the uk his world-view was shattered by these events..

Major catastrophe!! Half my template disappeared yesterday... this is what Graham from Blogger said about it....

I'm afraid you've fallen victim to a bug in our system which occasionally
loses template data. Your posts are still safe, but unfortunately we were
not able to recover your template for you.

luckily I copied the template last year and managed to find the floppy last night and was therefore able to retrieve most... but very scary, though feel in need of a change and maybe it's time for a few colour changes and stuff.....

otherwise still working at the university... realise the hierarchical nature of the place seems to produce a very unhappy work force...nobody is helpful... they all seem to be focused on maintaining their own positions without a care for anything else... holding some very entrenched views whilst doing this.... was very surprised or should I say shocked when I heard someone comment that they thought three minutes silence for the recent Tsunami victims was a little too long and that one minutes silence was the norm!

Yesterday was a wonderful day........ took the Landrover out for it's final trip with me and we have become very close over the last two weeks....it did handsomely well taking Josh and Hayley plus washing machine back to Devon, and it managed to contain all of my sister's family with J& J and Hayley on a little jaunt around Cambridgeshire in search of zoo's and parks, it is also a cure for depression as on Boxing day after discovering a burnt out shower and no electrics on my return home after a ghastly Christmas I was smiling again by the time I reached B& Q as it was such a pleasure to just drive the beast!

so yesterday found me driving into the deepest darkest fen... it was bleak and fairly windy, the skyscape expansive and dramatic and I had to chug along behind agricultural traffic at a ponderous 30 to 40 mile an hour knowing I could not afford to be late for my interview! Slightly stressful! Plus not really knowing what I had volunteered myself to do. The interview was to consist of an introductory session and would include 'activities'! The letter reassured me that the activities would not require a wetsuit but apart from that it was a bit of an unknown quantity.

I arrived to find an almost empty car park and taking a deep breath walked in to the outdoor centre.... to a friendly greeting and the discovery that I was the first to arrive... the centre is easy to to spot as it has a rather large tent-like appearance to the main building, it's a bit of a miniture Millenium dome like structure ... so I was shown around the centre... the lake is really clear and there is quite a bit of woodland so once there are leaves on the trees it should be quite an attractive site... there is an indoor climbing wall and also a high ropes section which looks like lots of fun... a 35 ft high structure with a high trapeze, minute standing platforms, a free fall bit... looks excellent! all of it is top roped so it's all remarkably safe too!

so the first indication that things had gone well was when Rob asked if I could go on a 4 day archery course, then he mentioned a sailing course, then something about a climbing wall supervisors course... after lunch more details were discussed and i was asked if I could start on 21st March!!!!! So this summer I will be back working in an outdoor centre doing an activity I love!!! Magnificent!!!

It's the Winter Solstice today, the shortest day of the year and an ancient and almost global celebration... so I will light a candle to ensure that the sun rises tomorrow....

lots of love to all


Delilah xx

SOME DEATHS TAKE FOREVER

Recently R4 has had a poll to find the women's watershed book... which was a quest for a book that really changed lives and I was pleased to see my first choice 'The Women's Room' by Marilyn French came in second (above line is a memorable quote) which means that others also recognise the momentous affect this book could actually have on readers lives... at the time it confirmed for me many many doubts I had about marriage and relationships and was maybe a bit of a catalyst at the end of my own marriage... so I was glad to see it there high on the list... reason for mentioning this list though is the odd choice for number one, the winner was Pride and Prejudice... yes a good book, an excellent read but surely not a life-changing read??? I can't imagine for a moment that one person after reading Elizabeth's Bennett's witty capture of a suitable husband would change their life in any way whatsoever??? Odd really...

so it's getting near Xmas, found myself inexplicably pondering the purchase of stuff... ???

really don't have enough time to do this posting justice. saturday was brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!! daytime was spent standing, bouncing in the middle of a zebra crossing opposite Camden Market forcing people to hoot their car horns, waving and calling out, handing leaflets into moving vehicles whilst wearing tiger ears...



then a quick change into a father christmas costume and accompanied by a 6 foot australian wearing pixie ears handing out lollipops with the lovely slogan .........'Esso Sucks' ... then to the pub to drink too many beers in excellent company....... then off to Kentish Town Forum to meet S and R and see Graham Coxon...... now I might be biased as I think Graham is an excellent guitarist/performer but this gig was even better than any of his I've seen!!! Got right to the front with barely room to jiggle/breathe, bounced as much as possible, watched a couple of people faint, got kicked by crowd surfers, ended up looking like I'd been in the shower fully dressed, my face turned as pink as a beetroot..... and I loved every moment!! Graham was brilliant and he even brought a friend on stage to sing.... the friend was Pete Doherty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who did a wonderful version of a Libertines favourite Time for Heroes!!!!!!!!!!

an excellent day indeed

had an odd weekend... went to London on a spur of the moment thing.... met a rather predatory poet... was telling Josh about it and he thought I was talking about a sort of poetry genre that he'd never heard of... you know rather like 'The Liverpool Poets' but in this case 'The Predatory Poets'... this got me pondering.... predatory poetry would involve stealing a line or two from some other poem and inserting it into the 'new' poem... so I had a go....



The Predatory Poet


He sat engulfed with lust
Or was it boredom perhaps?
That spurred him to battle and to hopeful conquest.
She was unsuspecting but wanting too, in behest
Of an undefined something,
Company perhaps?
She had a vague hunger arising
but was not sure where to focus.
Her need was soon engulfed by flattery
Consumed by the interest; a stupid moth in search of light.
Tyger, tyger burning bright, in the forest of the night.
He saw the need, and intense and proud
Felt he was the one to satisfy,
Regardless of others,
Whose desires he ignored.
Overtaken, but enthralled, she responded with cries
In what distant deeps or skies burnt the fire of thine eyes?
But others needs came to the fore
He backed away angry, unsure
She realised then her complete mistake.
A fool; a moth with wings burnt dark
She turned away and looked elsewhere.
Intent on meeting again he quenched his desire.
On what wings dare he aspire? What, the hand, dare seize the fire?
She left, not looking back
Spurned his attempts to speak once more
It had become of no consequence,
Extinguished, cold and black




ok so maybe not the best poem in the world but is it the first predatory poem ??

and the Scissor sisters gig was marvellous!!!!!!! wasn't invisible there... bounced around and even pulled, trouble was I hadn't realised I'd pulled as it was a woman! Thought she was just being friendly but Jake assures me she was 'more' than friendly!!! anyway we bounced to Take your mama, sang loudly to all songs, watched Jake in all his costume changes and loved Ana's running commentary... oh god it was good............!


Graham in a couple of weeks

have been researching my powers of invisibility recently... at the moment my art is quite unreliable and at times very unpredictable but it is increasing! Oddly in London it never happened but here in Cambridge odd events are occurring with more regularity... of course I have always had the knack of being invisible when standing at a crowded bar....but now it is happening in unexpected places....it is an art that can be perfected I am sure... maybe with another few years I might be really competant and be invisible to all but my closest family but as it is at the moment it seems that it's only complete strangers that do not see me... to test my skills I find that walking in the centre of town is an ideal setting. Whilst walking or even striding purposefully along something must happen to my molecules and I just simply disappear.... I become insignificant, unnoticeable... irrelevent even... people can keep walking towards me and continue as if I wasn't there... strangely though I dyed my hair, removed the grey and became visible again.... ??

discovered this in my wanderings... simple and quite quite beatiful!

ah ha but tonight is not just a rally!!! Tonight I have a gig to go to too!!!!

Actually got out of the habit of saying in advance where I was going , mainly because of Pete, when we were splitting up. The thought of him reading the blog and then turning to 'surprise' me just made me wary, but now I realise it just doesn't matter.... being single does have some advantages!!!


So tonight!

Tonight is the Scissor Sisters last gig of the tour and we are going!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah got the tickets ages ago and as the man said there were only three tickets left she bought the last three!!!!!!!!! Which means Jake gets to go too!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loads of exclamation marks are required, glitter is required, cheap champagne is required!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well the sun is shining amazingly, the world has survived another day but will it survive 4 more years???????????

feeling saddened... saddened that that massive turnout of voters were actually voting for Bush! That they queued for hours to vote for him is scary, that they crept out in their droves to ensure he had the highest number of votes of any American President ever.. it is beyond me..... completely beyond me

so I am going on a march tonight.... to register my dismay ..... to act rather than hide away for the next few years..... I feel a need...........

Glum

Splendid splendid day on Saturday!!!!

Met up with Sarah at KIng's Cross... big squeals to see her again and although it's only been two months there was a massive amount of catching up to do! We headed to the Tate Modern....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm the foyer was fairly busy but I struggle with audio art!!! there's well um nothing to look at !? We were heading down the stairs to go give it all a listen when we bumped into little Nick... don't bump into people I know in Cambridge so found it quite delightful to do it in the Tate....soooooo the ummmmmmmmmmm listening art stuff.... well I just didn't get it... bursts of words coming at you, having to huddle in a group to listen to someone repeat the same sentence over and over again????? ........ the members bar beckoned... in fact it was silently screaming an invite at us... which we subliminally heard and responded to !!! Sat for the afternoon on a sofa, with bottle of wine in our immediate focus and St Pauls in the distance a mere stone's throw across the river...an excellent spot to exchange news!

Then headed to La Cave my favourite French restaurant in Borough Market... more wine was consumed and the discourse bubbled along! Headed for Brixton and Franz Ferdinand a happy wobbly woman!! Franz were excellent, very very bouncy very very.....! and I was the annoying woman with backpack bouncing away... in fact a very sweet chappie stood nearby and zipped up my back pack each time it came undone! very very sweet ( and utterly honest!!!!!)

so the day ended really well... wobbled back to Cambridge a very happy woman...

and another thing....!

read 'Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell' last week... an absorbing read indeed... a bit of escapism in some ways as it wasn't deep... nor actually enjoyable... but it was absorbing.... the footnotes were excellent... a whole other world/other book lay tucked within the bottom of the pages.. but it lacked a fuller exploration of relationships between the characters and the female characters were sadly lacking being rather cardboard cutouts... it barely touched the surface ... although it was 'a good read' in many ways... the historical aspect was fully explored.... in fact the Wellington/Napolean/Georgian perspective and the world of magic were completely intertwined in a very satisfying way but I can see why it didn't make the Booker short list.... regardless of it's massive length it just had no depth

so much to say and just not enough time!!

have now taken my brother's bike to have it's brakes fixed and am experiencing urban cycling Cambridge style .. don't think I have ever needed to cycle regularly through the centre at rush hour before now and I find I look back at cycling in London with fond memories!! There is a cameraderie about cycling in London, even, dare I suggest it a certain friendliness between cyclists that is entirely absent here! Cambridge cyclists have no sense of 'us and them'... it is a manic free for all! with nobody actually considering the possibility of other road users... cyclists of all ages, shapes and speeds ride in a manner so blinkered it is positively dangerous... the use of brakes or bells is entirely absent unless it is the inexplicable breaking that occurs at random in a straight stretch of road where one should be able to zoom along... veering out from a side street is undertaken without a care in the world ... I have taken to wearing a helmet!!

still no computer at home and a very busy time in the new job so posts have become infrequent to say the least.. I apologise! Will try to do better!

flat is looking a bit nicer... cleaner clearer and generally getting there!

new job is ok for the moment... I know I will hit boredom levels at some point but hopefully not just yet.. and the setting is pleasant plus I get to see all new posts before they are advertised... it might help!

Last thursday I wandered along to The Cow, well it is just round the corner, to have a drink with Jake... sadly the G& T doubles are cheaper than singles...and they go down so quickly! then we tried a couple of cocktails.... then sensibly decided to go in search of food... happened upon Chez Gerard along Bridge Street... have been in there for meals with the women's group.... it is pleasant enough and as they are a bit of a steak and chips place thought Jake would like it too....The waiter was utterly attentive, we wondered if it was because Steven Hawkin was having a meal there and all the staff were on best behaviour!! I had the salmon which was pleasant enough but now I was on the wine and perhaps being a little loud??? Found it fascinating to watch the antics of SH's nurse who was trying to eat, feed her charge and have a conversation with fellow guest... I, meantime, was explaining to Jake why I thought 'A brief history in Time' was particularly crap... as all its conclusions were based on the premise that all acts and events happen in a way that is explained by reason, that there is no place for the irrational... anyway... we enjoyed ourselves and the waiter seemed very happy.... SH left before us and as he was going past our table he stopped his wheelchair and stared... a very odd sensation being eyeballed (can only describe it as being eyeballed as he really couldn't move much else!!) by such a globally famous person.. I just sort of giggled a hello and he just dribbled.....

after he left the waiter, who had become quite excited by this point, came over.. we thought it was the excitement of having SH in his restaurant but... he bounced over and said... 'I just have to ask... you are Darren from Hollyoaks aren't you?' to Jake... turns out he was more excited by the prospect of serving a soap star than an internationally reknown physicist... I tried to tell him that no, Jake was not Darren, but was in fact Noah from Home and Away but I was laughing too much!

A very pleasant evening!

In the library again, and this time in my lunch hour!! so this will be necessarily brief...

Starting to enjoy Cambridge again... wandering to work is nice as I'm working in the historical centre which is loaded with attractive buildings, sculture and very nice shops... last night went to the arts cinema to see Dead Man's Shoes and excellent British film ...very very British, very dark and disturbing... there was a question and answer session at the end with the director which is always interesting to listen to mostly about the film's background and raison d'etre.... so had wine with old buddy Lisa .... excellent to catch up indeed.... though quite looking forward to actually being at home tonight! A night in !

Work is actually interesting too... all very acronym full... and so jargonistic I feel I am sitting in on a foreign language class at times!!!! Have been given my old user name from when I was a student here and when they finally get my log-in up and running I wonder if I'll have some ancient emails sitting waiting for me to read.. bit odd really being on the other side of the place !!! Trying to look a bit smarter at work but not really succeeding....

Saturday's Greenpeace action was good fun.... but must learn to do the whole moderation thing as far as wine intake goes.. particularly now I have to get a late train back to Cambridge!!! and it would help the memory too as it all got a bit blurred around the edges....

Cambridge! Well it's quiet, the sun has been shining beautifully, tempting me to get outside, sit along the river and drink a bit of rose whilst turning a matching pink! But I have resisted, mostly, and have been trying to make the flat vaguely habitable again... slow and very grubby work indeed! Quite remarkable how complete the deterioration has been! and I am at times doubtful that I can make it a 'home' again... Had a new front door put in yesterday which has been a vast improvement.. feel secure and as if I am making a difference.. plus I can now face cooking in the kitchen again as I have spent two solid days cleaning it!!

had an odd night Tuesday when I met J& J to watch the football... played pool afterwards and then somehow found myself having a coggy back to Max's mansion... dead odd! J (i) and i scuttled away fairly soon after having a viewing of the stuffed wild boar's head and being introduced to M's mother! Trouble is once I've had a couple of beers I am 17 again... and totally forget that a woman in her mid-forties generally doesn't ride on the back of a bicycle being peddled by a 20 year old.. then sneak into friend's house after his parents have supposedly gone to bed, only for a parent to get up to greet son and friends...God knows what she thought!

Reading Festival aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Yes!

Only had a day ticket so was there for the Saturday only, at first I was really happy about this as stories of dire amounts of mud were all over the news pages before we went. But by the end of the evening I sooooo wished I had a tent there and with it the possibility of seeing Graham Coxon, Green Day, Offspring.......

Anyway the line up for Saturday looked pretty good! Arrived as Razorlight came on.... having never been to Reading before I was utterly taken aback by it's size. Somehow I had expected something BIG and yet it was really just one main arena with a couple of other stages..... in fact there was tons of stuff going on outside the arena....which is really unusual for festivals as generally only ticket holders get to join in the fun!! Here you could actually put up a tent, do your festival shopping, join in with the air guitar competition and hear all the main acts for nothing!

Hmm Razorlight were utterly spoiled by their prat of a lead singer.. the music wasn't too bad but Johnny Borell was very full of himself and played the part of the ultimate rock star......... climbing down from the stage to touch his audience was an act too far for the first band of the day!!!!!! Then came The New York Dolls!!!!! Lead singer looked like a Mick Jagger/Lou Reed mix.. a combination that reflects a life of hard drugs, vast quantities of alcohol and maybe a bit of rock and roll thrown in! They did a version of Don't go breaking my heart' which had everyone joining in, well the few people who were at the front of the stage anyway... maybe most had gone off to do their shopping at this point!?! Sad as they missed a really good band... Franz Ferdinand did a good set.. although Sarah and I realised that they were actually a cloned band with all the members being fairly indistinguishable... The Libertines tried really hard without Pete Doherty but didn't get there for me, the vocals just didn't have any errrr umph! Carl Barratt looked cute but lacked a bit!

By this time Sarah and I had supped some ale, danced, sung, and talked to a pile of brand new friends... and the White Stripes came on. I was slightly distracted.. The W S's were good but we had to hike it for the last train... sadly leaving a whole pile of good music, good people and excellent quality mud behind

I might be being a little premature with this one but I love the design!!! and I want one!! It's an ecopod and looks gorgeous, cute and even a little funky.. trouble is it is a coffin! so hopefully I wont be occupying one for a while... but its ideal...made of paper and lined with feathers!!! and suitable for a woodland burial... now just have to find the suitable woodland

Monday and it's raining, really feels like the end of summer today... and it's cold! Very different from the weekend...

Had a Greenpeace 'workshop' on Saturday to go to ... met more lovely intelligent committed people... interesting conversation with someone who makes documentaries (Channel 4 9.00 Wednesday) and was at Cambridge, someone else was a 'home and away' addict and that was hilarious... haven't had a H& A conversation for ages!!!! (Alf Stewart is still my man!!!!) Anyway, the course was, for me, more about confidence building than anything else.. I have never been good at pushing my ideas and beliefs on people... well unless I have had too much to drink and they are close friends.... !! .... tend to think that all are entitled to their own opinion and why should they be remotely interested in what I have to say.... so this was good for me... as talking to people on the street is a very different skill to a class on map skills! So it was good.. I learned that it's more to do with Greenpeace core values and remaining calm..

The evening was interesting! I managed to be late! Well I'd had a few beers in Islington and then the Northern line was seriously delayed, not a good combination! Managed to get the food done with the excellent help of R and then The Esperanza people started arriving... food was eaten which is always a relief when you do the cooking!!.... good company!!! Looking forward to the next one in a month's time! Even enjoyed sunday, getting the place habitable again and relaxing with a newspaper and a content smile on my face............

Reading an interesting book about time ... Pip Pip by Jay Griffiths... hmmm it's written in the style of feminist polemic that I haven't touched for a few years.. that sort of playing with words and themes and vast repetitions that can get a little tiresome... such as

"Modernity's definitions of time, time accountancy, the digital clock with its flip blip for the flitting split second - the same split second- is a thing of no moment. When it comes to defining time, only the oceanic need apply. Time is simply too exquisite to be entrusted to anyone else. Only the oceanic, the Montaignes or Joyces, Shakespeares or Rousseaus, Eastern Philosophers or children. They know their now, they know the really wild vibe of the present is this; now is the only time when the moment can meet the eternal - and they know that the moment is momentous. "

a bit wordy indeed but getting further into the book I find I am re-thinking time and recognising that it is an ideological concept.. this whole linear thing.. I can remember as a child of about 8 deciding that the calender should be drawn as a spiral rather than as a linear progression as for me it all seemd vastly more cyclical...

the words are back .. and how....... so much going on in my head I don't know where to start.. so will start with a much neglected area of this blog...... recently read books...... haven't added to the list in ages and have only mentioned a couple of recent reads (James Frey and Xinran) and as I have been reading books at a rate of knots recently I need to mention a few good ones.... Bill Bryson's 'A short history of nearly everything' is exactly what it says on the cover!! But the really enjoyable thing about this book is it doesn't dumb down anything, unlike most TV documentaries nowadays, this book treats the reader as an intelligent being which is lovely and he certainly covers the history of discoveries and inventions methodically and in his amusingly anecdotal style. There will be something new for anyone who reads this book and some concepts are clearly and delightfully explained. Another romp through the sciences is Nature via Nuture by Matt Ridley.. this time looking at the old battleground of N vs N but showing the inextricable links between the two.. a sort of genetics needs environment needs genetics needs environment arguement... well put but also what amused me about this book was I suddenly found myself siding with some evolutionary psychologists ideas!! An idea previously abhorrant!!! I had always assumed (yes I know I shouldn't !!) that EP was making assumptions from the perspective of the culture we are in... ie that EP explains today's behaviour by the assumed behaviour of prehistoric man you know the idea of Man the Hunter, Woman the Home-maker, without actually having any clue about what relationships between genders was actually like... it could have been made up of female groups with offspring with only transitory visits from male groups perhaps ?? That could explain the phenomenon of group female oestrus... any way I digress....So I ended up following Ridley's argument and generally agreeing with it and then realising it was based around evolutionary pyschology.....and my assumptions about their assumptions were wrong!

Thought this was funny.. mainly because I have no 'decade'!! Obvioulsy I am just too confused and my influences are spread thin.....





what decade does your personality live in?


quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

anyway thanks to Damien for this one

Nine days away!!! and the reason? absolutley none... other than I have run out of words........ nothing to say.. weird....... nothing has happened, I have thought nothing........ created nothing....... talked about nothing.... hmmmmmm it's not good!

discovered a gem at the weekend!!! It was a really hot few days, one of those weekends when you need to be on the beach or on the lake at the ski club.. dead hot and I was in the middle of London! Clara suggested a Ladies Pond so after a brief look at it on the internet.. where there were one or two references to lesbian activities (?!)... we headed heathwards Saturday lunchtime... it's bit of a trek... but it was lovely being on the heath and walking through cool tree-shaded pathways.. the ladies pond is hidden away behind trees and shrubs so it is very secluded... there are grassy areas to sunbathe and the pond itself to swim in... swimming eye level to a nesting moorhen was a delightful thing to be doing on a sultry afternoon.. the water was absolutely frreeeezing... quite took the breath away but after swimming for a minute or two I warmed up a bit... I haven't been in such an all female environment since I left an all girls grammar school when I was 13... but it was lovely and calm, if there were any lesbians there they were not the predatory sort and it was quite delightful indeed... so went slightly browner with a pleasing absence of white bits... lovely

webstats.... it's interesting to see that Delilah is being read.. and thank you to Astrofish for sending a number of people this way... Love what it says about Capricorns worrying on that site! At first I wanted to say.. 'never! me? I'm such a chilled person!' but remembering the week prior to Glasto.. when I was heading off into the unknown on my own... hmmmm yes must admit to worrying a tad overmuch about it all!!!!! anyway the point to this posting is to ask people to leave the occassional comment... even maybe get a bit of a conversation going between you ?... that could be interesting.... would love to hear from you...

Whilst walking to work this morning I was pondering the new banksy statue that has been put up illegally in Clerkenwell Green… must go have a look at lunchtime…. It shows ‘justice’ as a prostitute and I was thinking how true this was and remembering my one experience as a witness to a case that became rather public… as I was thinking about what happened I realised I am still very angry about what occurred… the experience left me with a bitter taste of British justice indeed.

Simply what happened was we had a party where a number of friends, and friends of friends, turned up… much drinking of cocktails ensued and at some point a friend having had vastly too much to drink went to bed. An acquaintance ‘looked after her’ as she was vomiting and then he raped her… trouble was he didn’t think of it as rape… she did, she was unable to give either consent or to say no and in her eyes she was raped… the court saw it differently… the ‘chap’ was a handsome and intelligent rugby type from a very good family, who could afford the best defence, she was an attractive and intelligent woman but a single parent… he offered no defence, said he was too drunk to remember… so in effect didn’t deny it?? It was said in court that she ‘dressed provocatively’ yet in my eyes she wore what we all wore… jeans and a shirt?? Traces of his DNA were found on her clothes and in her hair but other DNA was also found on her clothing,(she had, though, held a friend’s baby earlier on that day?? And we all do the air kissing thing on greeting) It was implied that this DNA might have been from ‘other men’ and that she was flirting at the party… haven’t we all flirted at parties???? Anyway the outcome was he got off and to me this says that any drunken person, male or female, who falls asleep in someone’s bedroom at a party is just not safe from rape, and that he is a particularly dangerous young man, as he couldn’t remember, he could well do the same thing again after drinking?? She has since left England and hopefully is getting over it?? I am still angry… maybe writing this will assuage some of that anger at our justice system…maybe?? Maybe it just colours my view of the world …and of the British justice system… so I will go see Banksy’s new statue and read the words he has written on it…TRUST NO-ONE


Oddly when I checked the webstats on this site I see that someone arrived at my site through putting ‘banksy clerkenwell’ in a search engine… !

It's got to the point where there's almost too much to write about so I don't know where to start...

headed off to Cambridge last wednesday, having borrowed my brother's car, so had that lovely sense of freedom that having your own motorised transport brings... the weather was glorious it seemed that finally summer had arrived... I'm struggling though with the state of my flat as it really is horrible... filthy, broken furniture, doors with holes in... probably the worst flat I have ever been in .. and it's mine!! I am horrified and know it will be a massive task to get it back in shape...

anyway.. headed off to Cherry Hinton the site of the festival...put up the tents and had to head back into town for an interview with an agency... the reality of returning to Cambridge is becoming more apparent as each day passes and I still haven't really come to terms with it....

Thursday evening and I had a date with a chap from Guardian Soulmates... it had seemed like a good idea earlier on in the week but actually it was a disaster... I was enjoying being with J & J and then saw this chap that, sort of, matched his photo but, well, he obviously is massively photogenic! I nearly hid but realised that that was just too cowardly so went and introduced myself..hmmmm sometimes you just know immediately that things are a bad idea and this was one of those times... I made a feeble excuse and departed for the company of my sons.... they were really good company all weekend... funny... sweet and quite caring!!! I was really very proud of them which is a lovely, lovely thing to be able to say... Neela and Michael arrived the next morning and we found a spot for all three tents.. Sacha and Mia seemed to settle in well to festival life... the music was fairly much in the background.. I made one foray into the main stage to see Loudan Wainwright, mainly because I had seen him 31 years ago and it seemed approprite to see him again... trouble was though, my music tastes have changed a bit since then and his songs hadn't, so I just heard one song and headed away... it was a really sociable festival...the sun shone all weekend!! Sunday night we all drank a little too much but it was friendly and happy.. the people with deckchairs and territorial issues seemed to have faded into the background and we all said we would return next year!!!!

Laughed lots Saturday! Spent the afternoon dressed as a chicken and created a slight disturbance outside Sainsbury's... it was actually hilarious .... we (Greenpeace) were simply drawing people's attention to Sainsbury's non-GM-feed milk but a security guard panicked a bit and called the police... it was the closest I have ever come to being arrested and I found it all amusing rather than scary! The day was really warm and the chicken suit a little uncomfortable so I was quite happy to stop after an hour and head into New Cross where Carla lives for herbal tea and conversation... I was absolutely knackered after a late night drinking with my brother and had been up early to drive back to get to Greenwich on time.....

The evening was spent in delightful company of some Greenpeace people that had been on the MV Esperanza... food was delicious and it was a lovely evening...

and yesterday...

another Graham gig!!!! Sarah had won tickets so we went to the Islington Academy which is a very small venue headed towards the stage and waited for Graham... it was a blinding gig! His guitar work is so versatile... he seemd to go through a whole gamut of genres from 70's rock to punk to blue grass.... he also played much from Happiness in Magazines... some of his older stuff.. he was really very very very good

It's Friday afternoon and I haven't got much work to do. so what do I end up doing, apart from some Greenpeace cyberactivity, .... ended up on the quizzilla pages again.. this time absurdly looking at which film I should be in...




Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

bugger! my bike was stolen yesterday!! Very sad as I have had it years and fallen off it loads... it had become like a member of the family, it had it's faults but you accepted that and loved it just the same..... and now it's gone!!! It will probably be taken to pieces... the tyres and hubs were special, nice purple spokes!!!!... the brake system bled all the time but as an early hydraulic system it was excellent... though the quick release led to a couple of permament scars when it came loose and caught between the spokes...ahhhhhh fond (?) memories indeed, Jake coming to rescue me as my head was thoroughly bashed! Falling down some stairs on the day I bought it as I was a little too ambitious .... learning stoppies with Arthur and Lizzie... coming back from Bethnal Green and not being able to find the Rotherhithe tunnel... it had disappeared that night I'm sure!! ahhhhhhhh my bike! Thanks Josh for getting it... one of the best birthday presents ever! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my bike! Goodbye......... my bike

a bit of my past rushed back at me last night!! Sitting in the Mayflower with Sarah and there were people with garish t-shirts, drinking copiuous amounts of beer, wearing trainers and occassionally the word 'hashing' would float across the bar.... We had arrived a bit earlier and were astounded at how full the pub was and the oddly colourful clothing worn by the customers, most of whom seemed American, very American... we sidled away to the bar at the front of the pub, but were admittedly curious... so after a drink and when the other bar had emptied a little we headed back to satisfy the curiosity....after hearing the word Hashing I was reminded of the Hare and Hounds Hash House Harriers that I ran with a few times. This group ran in the Bedfordshire countryside, I had even set one of the routes but had not really got that involved... all got a bit awkward with one of the runners so I stopped going.... but I remember it as an amusing way to spend an evening... the people in the Mayflower, though, were taking the drinking very very seriously indeed! so of course we joined in......they are members of the west london group and run regularly....and why so many Americans?? Apparently it's an international hashing thing going on?? ....Sarah is very keen to join.. I would be apart from the fact that it does involve running! I'm not big on that...    get out of breath very quickly and my face turns lobster pink... not a good look!

Odd week.......went out Monday night initially for an after work drink then headed for the 12 bar club ...saw Paul the Girl do  a very accomplished set.... then wasn't really impressed with the next bloke and can't actually remember his name... he had something to do with Captain Beefheart.... evening then turned a little odd ..... something to do with different memories of a shared event...?
 
Wednesday saw me waiting outside Foyles for Sarah, trouble was she was waiting outside Waterstones....unfortunately I didn't have my phone......we were going to see the new Michael Moore film but ended up not meeting at all!! the positive thing out of it was that I bought a good book...... 'a million little pieces' by James Frey... a compulsive read, one of those books that is difficult to put down , so I have been walking whilst reading, cooking whilst reading, waking up at 4. 00am and picking up the book and continuing.... it is about a man's experience of rehab... but it's a fascinating insight into the world of addiction, compulsive behaviour and human dignity...It was only last night though that I realised it was not fiction..... that shocked me a bit. I mean the bit about the root canals was actually expereinced in reality???!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh sends all sorts of horrible shivers everywhere, in fact it might have been difficult to read that section knowing it was true....
 
Last night met up with Neela in Farringdon, after work... lovely to see you N! and am really looking forward to the Cambridge Folk Festival in a couple of weeks time.. we had an solidly good bit of food in a fish restaurant and drank perhaps slightly too much wine but hey! Compared to James Frey I am a long way from rehab........ the one t-shirt I bought at Glastonbury was a black one with the words 'Rehab is for quitters'........ I liked it because it is soooooo true It so obviously is!
 
weekend is looking promising, Hannah is over tonight and  maybe go to Shoreditch Saturday night

Somtimes, something that has always previously seemed thoroughly impossible can suddenly be presented as possible! It happened yesterday as I was working on a Greenpeace boat, The Esperanza, for an open day. The work was easy, it was a matter of talking to people about Greenpeace and particular campaigns, giving some directions around the boat and generally being helpful. This day, in itself, was wonderful as I had never really imagined I would go on board a Greenpeace boat and here I was working on it and talking to the crew, getting an insider's view... it was splendid!!! But as the day drew to a close and after the debriefing session and beer people started heading off... i too picked up my backpack and was pondering the possibility of which tube to get home when Penny one of the crew said they were having a few more beers up in the lounge and would anyone like to join them... ended up with two other volunteers and some of the crew sitting drinking beer, listening to discussions about being sprayed off the side of trawlers, how to cope if a trawler comes full speed towards you and you are swimming in the sea, being threatened by Italian captains, the sight of storm petrels zipping the tops of waves, dolphins that recognise the rainbow on the side of the boat....magic indeed!!!! and it seems it could all be possible!!!! the dream and listening to others talk could, with a bit of effort, become my reality and my conversation!! I need to be proactive and this is something worth being proactive about!!!!!!!!!

Another sight on my walk to work.... and this made me laugh and is in keeping with the surfer theme of the posts today was a new shop opened up next to Cafe 1001 in the little brewery passage.... the window is full of garishly painted surf boards!!!! a surf shop in Brick Lane!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where more suitable ......so close to the beach!!!??

Odd what we do to our children...... we want them to have better and more fulfilling lives but also if we had an excellent childhood then we like to try to replicate some of this for them..... giving security, opportunity, love, acceptance.... saw an odd sight today that made me ponder..... there must be a little private school tucked away somewhere off Worship Street as I often see very little children dressed in the type of school uniform that was becoming old fashioned when I was at school.... caps and blazers, stripey summer dresses and boaters!!! This morning in front of me was a little boy straight out of Enid Blyton in the 1950's!!! Grey socks,longish baggy navy blue shorts, blazer slightly short on the arms and a cap that barely fitted over his short back and sides. He was walking hand-in-hand with , I presume, his father. This man was wearing dirty jeans, scruffily creased, a loose long sleeved t-shirt, with a tan and the casual air of a classic cool surfer dude.. they just did not match and it seemed odd that an adult so relaxed would dress his child in so regulated a fashion... is he providing something to rebel against.. is that what he looked like aged 5 and he is giving his child all the 'benefits' he had??? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm seems things have got somewhat reversed from when I was at school and it was the parents who looked old and stuffy....

Post-Glasto sleeping sickness is finally over. I feel alive again and wide awake!! Though certainly didn't Friday night as Sarah and I met up for drinks at The Foundry and went on to 93 feet east... sadly all I could do was sit in a comfortable sofa and watch people.... there was a band playing, a film, Jubilee, and I just wasn't up to any of it!!!!

Went to Cambridge Saturday and oddly ended the evening in a gay pub lock in.... drinking shooters and odd stuff........ almost adopted a new son..... had a wonderful time!!!

Always feel somewhat bereft leaving the boys and returning to London though, and that is the mood today, feel it's all very superficial here.........! Need to find a more substantial job....

Sarah is off pole dancing tonight!!!! Has signed up for a course!!!!!

This is my 200th posting!! Which actually, considering I have been writing this since Oct 2002 really doesn't seem that many.......

Heading Shoreditch way tonight for drinks and food....... to celebrate stuff with Sarah.. t'wil be good....... last night ended up having a few after-work drinks as the Godlike one is leaving to go to the US to work for Ralph Lauren....it was all getting a bit raucous when I sidled away mid evening... am I becoming a lightweight??? or is it post-Glasto sleeping sickness???

Still can't work out how I feel about coming back to London.. it is odd when you go away and eventually you look forward to getting 'home'.... but coming back to London just didn't feel like coming 'home' it feels like an extension of being away??? Where is home, what is this thing that gives a sense of belonging?? Is it familiarity within the environment... an increasing recognition of places the closer you get to home.. or the initmate knowledge of a place? knowing all its alley-ways and back streets, of shortcuts and splendid vista's... or is it more a feeling? a place you feel safe? a place you feel warm? Still have to find my home I guess.... then I might know the answers???????

Realise that recently I have just written bare details and missed so much out from before Glastonbury.. didn't mention going to Goldsmiths to see the degree exhibition .... amazed that painting seems to be making a bit of a comeback and the textile work was probably the most fascinating area .....have been exploring more and discovered the London Stone in Canon Street which actually felt a bit like seeing Avebury or Stonehenge... something from such a distant past that its mere survival seems remarkable... it is behind glass for protection... which is sensible as I would have touched it had it been possible and as it is porous rock it would have been worn away over the years from everyone else doing the same.... now why is there the need to reach out????..... hmmmmmm