It is almost the end of November! Find that difficult to believe and I really want absolutely nothing to do with the encroaching seasonal jollities! Realise I am a complete bah-humbug as far as supposed celebrations within our society..... don't do Easter/ halloween/ bonfire night or Christmas....... maybe I just don't like enforced jollities.. or maybe it's more to do with my total inability to afford any of them.. they just reinforce my inadequecies as far as material possessions are concerned?? Maybe?? Maybe I would love to go out buy presents that people actually wanted, get all the foodstuffs that are required for the day, a tree and sparkly fluffy stuff to put on it, champagne and whatever else without the awful foreboding of impending unpaid bills.. maybe it is more to do with that than anything else......

Have a full full flat but wont put too much as this will all start sounding too miserable....

Have heard from Pete, who is in France this week, so that's excellent... sweet! Looking forward to meeting up again! So it's not all gloom and doom.........

Ha! The date was good!........ second date too! There might be a third date planned soon!

Odd experience over the weekend.. downstairs neighbour complained about the noise...... we were talking in our lounge too late for her. Though in all honesty I was really surprised that there was any problem at all with the level of noise.... remained calm and friendly during the discussion but ended up being castigated as a bad mother!!!!!! Actually very shocked by the whole incident!

I joined, I chatted, I have a date.......!

Hitting high levels of superficiality, well I have to move on and pining is a complete waste of time !!!!

Set up a page on a dating site a couple of weeks ago (kiss.com)...... had a bit of interest though nothing worth replying to... last night I decided to add a couple of photo's. Bit of a problem in that I have very little recent stuff and what I do have is hideously awful. Camera's have the effect of turning my, sort of ok, face into a twisted gargoyle, think I must be the least photogenic person I know!... so what to add to this site???...... in the end I chose a photo my nephew took of me swimming underwater, no face at all! and another one of me with Jaidon And Megan (neice and nephew) where I look pretty hideous but I'm in bikini so that is a slight distraction... my god what an effect............. the letters have poured in!!!!! Trouble is I am not a full member and I cant read them!!! There must be at least 30 and I can look at the profiles of these chaps, some of whom are very very interesting! but cant read the mail... will I resist joining???

Moving on...... will have to work out how to get images on here.. that would get the brain working for an infinitesimally short space of time. A friend has recommended reading 'Contingency, irony and solidarity' by Richard Rorty, sounds a meaty read at least so I will head off to a bookshop at lunchtime and get it.

it's not just excitement and adventure....its something more elusive. The last few months I have been in a relationship, it has dwindled to nothing and what I miss is that elusive 'someone' ... A companion, someone to laugh with, someone to discuss a crap TV programme with, someone to just 'be' with.... He has gone and I miss him......... bugger!

Actually feel so bored, so bored I could scream! Funny really as it's a word I used to ban my sons from using. Used to say there is no excuse for being bored, that it's always easy to find stuff to do. Maybe this isn't quite true though. I find that my life is just not getting anywhere. That, yes, I could read a good book, and next week I'm going to see a play written by a friend, and I might get out with the girls at the weekend, or perhaps have a good conversation with my sons but it is not enough! I want more. I want excitement and adventure, I want stuff to look forward to ........... financially I'm struggling at the moment and that adds to the frustration. I can't just go away for a weekend as I just don't have the funds.............. pah!

Sometimes it is difficult to enjoy the moment...........

An observation:

Wandered into the local shop at the weekend to purchase wine. Seem to be doing this rather too frequently at the moment but that is another story entirely and one I don't particularly want to travel down at the moment. So there I was standing in line, bottle in hand, gazing around at all the consumerables that I had no desire to ever purchase, when I saw on the counter a box of sweet sugary confectionary stuff in green packets. The packets were labelled 'alien bones' or some such alien title and were obviously aimed at children. Ok, nothing unusual about that but I did notice on the side of the box the words..... '100% authentic'...... hmmmmmmmmmmm ! Now this can surely only mean one thing- that the contents of the packets did actually contain bits of aliens. What else does 100% authentic mean? So, somewhere aliens have landed and are being killed and then cut up and fed to our children?????? and we protest about GM products in the supermarkets! hmmmmmmmm!

Tempting isn't it! (Refering to previous link of 8.43 am.) Though not actually sure where Torpoint is, think its very close to Devon?? must look that up. Back at work now, and as you can tell I am working very hard!

Big hugs and sloppy wet kisses to James who has been absolutely lovely and supportive recently... and yes I will have your babies!!! I think living in the outback of Australia with an active eco-terrorist sounds just the sort of change in lifestyle I need!!!!

Today's posting seem to be developing a theme....... one of escape, change and a search for a more fulfilling lifestyle.............The only problem with changes is you need to actually do something to make them happen, do I have the energy? Though with the arrival of my eldest today I probably wont have any choice, I will need to run away!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love ya to bits Josh but I just don't know how to live with you.....

anyway back to work.. ah yes 'the non-genomic progesterone receptors in the mammalian ovary; some unresolved issues' ahhhhhhhhh fascinating!!!!!!

Just looking at some properties in Cornwall with an idea of moving to somewhere attractive to live.

Things are bad... started reading Harry Potter..... can only be a sign of desperate need to escape the world and hide away in something simple but well crafted.

have read tons. it's a form of escape and of not thinking in a way. The Whistling Woman by A S Byatt was a compulsive read. Though quite disatisfied by the ending. I was expecting something ironic at least but it ended with Frederica finding a new man. How trite is that! and the disturbing lyricism of Babel Tower just wasn't repeated... oh well!

Time has scuttled on....... single again and trying to get used to it. A bit sad though. Anyway went to see Donnie Darko last night, an excellent film indeed.