Where to start!!?? A magical weekend indeed! Mud and magic with sunshine thrown in as well!! Back at work today and desperately looking for a different job.... there was a moment on Sunday night when I was sitting in a group of lovely people, we had worked together on the wall and then wandered off to listen to good music, returned to The Greenpeace campfire to drink wine and cider... it was a lovely atmosphere late at night when someone asked what I did.. I replied 'I am a PA for a fashion company in central London'..... my reply seemed to me to be so incongruous that I totally realised how unsuitable it is for me to be doing it at all!!!! The work on the climbing wall wasn't like work at all, yes it was physically tiring but it was so enjoyable that that didn't matter... It became quite frustrating when it rained as we had to stop work as I wanted to continue!!!!

will write more later suffice to say I am still aglow with it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very glasto-centred!! which is difficult at work as it has been utterly hectic -one of the major fashion shows, Pitti Uomo, starts this week in Florence so all the collection has to be ready or should I say had to be ready for 3.30 today... boss and a couple of minions have now gone... hopefully I have done the travel arrangements ok... generally I never hear how smoothly it all goes so I just have to presume everything went all right... I would certainly hear about it if I have booked the wrong flight!!! or Hotel!!! My travel arrangements have been completely traumatic!! Thought I was getting a lift from web designer W but he crashed his car!! hmmmmmmm not a good sign!! so I thought I would get a bus... all buses are now booked..... left getting a train as a final option and god what a struggle that was to get a ticket!!!! but tomorrow I leave from Paddington with a ton of warm and waterproof stuff!! Slightly apprehensive in that I'm doing a festival alone.... but working it should be quite a different experience...... and I do get lots of time off.... and free food!!! ahhhhhhh must buy a disposable camera anyway this is just ramblings.... nothing to say much today... still feel ill... but also excited... looking forward to just being there, sitting by my tent and watching people, not even that bothered about seeing any bands at all..... being a bit wistful....

I'm really going!!!!!!!!! Got my ticket last night!!!!!!!!!!!! Now have to buy stuff like waterproofing spray, an extra groundsheet, waterproof trousers and maybe a petzl. I have always wanted a petzl but never justified the expense as I have always owned a torch, well its something one does really........ but now seeing as I have minimum possessions here in London and a torch is not one of them I can finally, after 20 years, justify the purchase of a petzl!!!!!!!!!!

It must be hot!! wearing a skirt!!!! quite funny really the difference it makes... I feel almost girly!!! though obviously not wearing accompanying heels!!!!

8 days!!!! and I'll be there.... might even have got a lift which would make an incredible difference!!! could then take my trangia and a few extra items of clothing........ getting really excited and quite bouyant at the thought! will see if I can get a new tent too...of course while I'm there will have to see if I can find an internet site and give a few updates.... might be one way of remembering all that happens... feel the need to write a list!!!

8 days!!!

even have the pleasure of bob prior to Glastonbury....!!!

and the sun is shining !!!

and I wrote a supporting statement for my Masters application yesterday so tonight I fill in the form and see what happens!!!!

8 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rode my bicycle to work this morning in the rain singing 'Bittersweet bundle of misery' very happily!!! The Graham Coxon gig on Tuesday at the Electric Ballroom was very enjoyable indeed!!!! Got to Camden about 8, well wouldn't want to queue!!! and headed first for the bar and then squeezed into what at first appeared a tiny room. Realised that people were crowding around the entrance and it was actually quite easy to wend a beery way more or less to the front. First band that were on I must admit I didn't catch their name and well didn't really try to find out..... young, brash, polished and loud... Then there was a bit of a wait for Graham, in fact he nearly pushed the boundaries of welcome a little too far....and some were becoming slightly impatient! But he made a blinding start when he finally arrived on stage, dressed in what looked like a pair of slacks????? Quite a few numbers were from previous albums but he did all the favourites from the new Happiness in Magazines too... a bit odd to hear The Bottom Bunk really as it is about having a wank and there he was singing about it to hundreds of people... a little odd as he seems such a shy, even bashful, chap when talking between songs.... in fact he has the voice of a timid 6 year old until he starts singing! The odd thing about the gig though was the static nature of the audience... directly in front of us were the tiniest Japanese girls imaginable, maybe a hangover from pre-solo days?? anyway they just stood still not even a little swaying movement, not a tapping of toes just nothing going on!! The music though called for more!!! Sarah and I both started jumping around and very soon others behind joined in and well it almost became a bit of a moshpit thing which is what the music deserved!!! A very very good gig and I forgot all about my earlier comparison with Billy Childish as Graham certainly became his own man!!!!! and I'm still singing along with him now!!!

Jake and Angel made a surprise visit at the weekend which was lovely though had to change a few plans and missed a gig... but dragged them along to see Billy Childish at the Barbican as after hearing so much about him he could not be missed!!! and he was all and more!! a good name to have on the inside of your tent indeed!!!! definitely unforgetable......... he did one number called 'The Bitter Cup' that left not tingles but pure electricity running around the spine!!!!!

Had to make a surpise visit to Cambridge yesterday...... lovely moment when leaving where both boys were waving farewell and Josh ran alongside the train as it departed right to the end of the platform...... had the whole carriage laughing!!!

a tough week! Probably why I haven't written much.... just a whole pile of stuff cracking up around me, a bit like being at a Vines gig... you get there all excited looking forward to what you thought was a good band and end up disappointed....so it's all gone a bit flat.... I remember writing ages ago, whilst still in Cambridge about times when the grey blanket hits and whichever way you look at the world it's grey... well its a bit like that.... the grey blanket is back, over my head and colouring the world.......

so my answer last weekend was to go out and get slaughtered... or even on monday to stay in and do the same..... actually enjoyed last weekend.... went to the Barbican to see some free blues ... first up was son of dave a Canadian previously in Crash Test Dummies.... he was a one man play all type and very good at it too!!! Met him afterwards and he was one of those performers that comes across in person as incredibly shy, yet on stage is twice the size..... final band of the afternoon was Errol Linton's Blues Vibe ........by then I was partygurl!!!! wandered up to The Foundry... sat outside admiring the Banksy.... and trundled willingly to Cargo where we sauntered past the queue and were admitted.... thanks to Joe who was on the guestlist.... Errol was playing again...... by this time I was beyond partygurl.... at some point discovered I had to leave, auto pilot kicking in mayhaps??? but ended up going for the ubiquitous Indian of which I ate very very little. called for a cab, something I still find deliciously decadent, and found myself at homeand happy!!! Soooooo that was Saturday.... sunday was quiet!!! but had a gig to go to in the evening. Ash were very very good.... and after The Vines a relief!!!! Very bouncy, very loud...

Monday just doesn't count,talked drank wine, cooked drank wine, talked drank wine, talked drank vodka, only amazed that the absinthe remained untouched... struggled with Tuesday... work dire... finances crashing around me... don't know where to turn... Josh not working again...and now it's the weekend... going to a gig at The Barbican.......

couldn't resist this one!

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmmmmmmmmmm much has happened, much has not...... gigs this weekend were all very good indeed.. will write more later.....

This is for all those that like to be in control

27 days to go!!!!!!!!!! and I will be at Glastonbury!!!!!!!!!!! happy happy happy so happy I have been singing all morning!!!

Definitely living on a film set!! Yesterday as I turned off Brick Lane past Cafe 1001 one of the normally scruffy tables had had a make-over!! There was a lovely tablecloth, silver cutlery and the deepest darkest red roses in a little cutglass vase!!! hmmmmmmmm and then the camera crew emerged from the background...... but it gets worse- this morning in my street in Rotherhithe there were vast pantechnicons... lots of fervent activity... a refreshment table.. screens ..camera's...crew......filming again!

even last night! went to the Hammersmith Apollo armed with free tickets to see Ross Noble... turned out it was a BBC recording of Live at the Apollo hosted by Jack Dee... they made two shows.... first up was the little chap from Father Ted...... Ardal O'Hanlan (sp?)who wasn't bad........ but by the interval I was coming to the conclusion that having humour thrown at you at a rate of knots was actually quite tiring, that laughter (like sympathy)is a finite thing!! and then Ross Noble came on............. anarchic, stupendous uberfantasy not just thrown at you but hurled pinging off the walls, I have never laughed so much at the thought of Jesus curing lepers, invisible turtles, soft slippy mocassins, and blokes in garages!!!!!!!!! I cried! He was sooooooooo funny just soooooo funny and then I looked around at friends, all three of them..... with little bemused smiles.......they didn't get it!!!!!!?? dead odd... funniest thing I have seen in years, absolutely years

Good weekend..... got stuff done, had people call round and had dinner round a friends too..... very sociable indeed!

Having a conversation with a friend that climbs, well he likes to climb but has a really painful elbow, has been to the doctor and it turns out it is Tennis Elbow and he has just got to rest it... so we were trying to think of some sport he could do with just one arm. Obviously climbing is out, so is windsurfing, even riding a bicycle goes against Doctors orders! Stupidly we realised there is one obvious one. Tennis!!!!!!!!!!

Heard Graham Coxon's new album Happiness in magazines last night and luckily having just met Dave our new neighbour who assured me he liked our music and was happy to listen to it.. we turned the sound up very loud and discovered a rather splendid album! a little anthemic, can imagine singing along at a gig! bittersweet the new single being decidely one of the best tracks, though Hopeless friend was utterly brilliant in its simplicity... looking forward to the gig.... Saw him at the shelter gig in December (see posting 15.12.03) and he was one of the better acts... that was an excellent intro to what is happening now.. apart from Mary toplessbird who I haven't heard mention of since...

Days like today make me think of the ski club....... it is a very pleasantly warm day and I would love to be on the water! Just thinking of that rainbow arc that comes off the spray.. the pull of the boat as you come out of the water, the pure pure pleasure as you lean away and glide across a flat lake........ ahhhhhhhhh !

There were many gigs in London over the weekend and sadly I went to see The Vines at Brixton... have actually quite enjoyed their second CD so was quite looking forward to a bit of flippyhippy-with-edge sort of stuff but!!!!!!!!!!! They started well, it was loud and agressive, the moshpit flailing and all seemed well... but they just lost it! It is quite unusual to actually see a band die on stage but that is what happened, it just became......... pointless....... Craig thingy threw his guitar down at one point.. why?? was it because he was just trying to provide a formulaic bad boy persona and that's what bad boys of rock do????? By the middle of the gig I was looking around at the audience which was far more interesting than watching the band!! I hear that both Bad Religion and Throbbing Gristle had awesome gigs on Saturday and Sunday ....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Just had a look at a site called the political compass which has a little test to see where you sit within the political spectrum... ok so I had a fairly good idea prior to taking the test.... but it is interesting as it adds a social element to the process......... so where are you?

love the thought that Delilah is being read in Japanese!!!!!!!

Reading The Good Women of China at the moment and although it is well written with some very graceful touches it nevertheless is concerned with stories of unremitting brutality and I am struggling with it all. This morning all over the tube are pictures of an execution and the rhetoric of war seems to be screaming louder and escalating along with the violence and disregard for human dignity..... last night went to see Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind and still can't decide whether it was saying there is such a thing as absolute love or whether it was actually saying that at best all we can hope for is a crappy mis-matched relationship that maybe has some good bits in it!!!?????

Woke up Saturday morning and spent most of the day with Tara, until Jake and Angel arrived around 4ish. Went to meet them in Kings Cross and we wandered around Covent Garden as Jake was in search of crappy sunglasses..... he found some and we headed to Shoreditch. Thought it made sense to take them somewhere I know and so we had a beer in Cafe 1001....It was lovely to see them....... just nice to spend a bit of time with Jake. Sunday we had lunch in Wapping and then wandered around Camden... bumped into a friend or two, drank wine- much too much... sat in The Elephants Head and got wobbly.....wobbled home... a very happy woman

it's a coke and kit kat morning!! Need vast intake of chemicals and fluids as I am very very fuzzy, the coke will bring the edges back into focus I hope!!! Obvious from this that the weekend was stuffed full of alcohol which it was but it was also lots of fun, very sociable and very friendly. One problem with drinking far too much is that the memory of it is somewhat fragmentary.... a jigsaw puzzle of a weekend with a few missing pieces... but a bright and colourful jigsaw puzzle nevertheless... soooo ahhhhhhhhhh yes Friday!! ........... hmmmmmmmmmmmm what to say...... !? Checked my bank account in the morning god knows why but I am so pleased I did.... you know those moments when something has been stolen and you look in the direction of where you parked your car or your bicycle and you can almost see its shape but you can also see through it and then it slowly dawns on you that it's not actually there... it was a bit like that... there were transactions that I knew I didn't recognise but I was sort of racking my brain to remember when I spent £230 on clothing in one swift and single move!? So in total nearly £500 had just disappeared!!!!! Not a good day!!!!! Got my card cancelled obviously and the bank were pretty good but I am cardless for a week which is inconvenient to say the least...soooooo I felt the need to drink beer!! met up with Andy after work in Cafe 1001 and he was happy to join me in my new found lager loutedness!! we drank lots of beer, well lots for me anyway... went to 93 Feet East, had food and an excellent time! Excellent indeed!!!

Friday night was Von Bondie's night!!!!!!! Good gig at The Astoria!!! Nearly missed it though, at one point in the early evening I was sitting with Josh having an excellent glass of red wine in The Cow in Cambridge, Jake was working but able to come and talk every so often and it was lovely to be with my boys... The Astoria seemed like a million miles away and it seemed like too much effort was required to get there........ but I had my ticket, Sarah was expecting a gig buddy and I do like live music, so was able to resist the pull of Colin Fry tickets at the corn exchange! got on the bus, then the train and headed back into London. As I was making my way from Kings Cross to Tottenham Court Road I realised I really really like the buzz that is London, the frenetic activity, the pace that people walk, the bustle.... it is contagious.. I felt buzzy by the time I got to The Astoria, arrived just as the Von Bondie's walked on stage and did a thoroughly sound gig!

Saturday was Scissor Sisters Day!!!! Whoooo Whoooo! and similar sort of stuff!!!!! Sarah and I went to Canary Wharf by boat, I do so love doing my shopping by boat! bought good food... came back prepared good food (Asparagus and poached eggs, with shaved Parmesan sort of stuff!) opened wine did a disco thing with the music getting progressively louder the more wine we consumed!!! Put loads of make up on and glitter -loads of glitter!!!!!! and headed off to Brixton!!!! Went initially to the gay bar, which was packed! Then to the academy unusually early for us!! Scissor Sisters were excellent, the whole atmosphere was buzzy, very very gay! and they saved filthy /gorgeous until the end!!! Struggled to find a cab home and then things get a little blurred around the edges??? Sarah had a long conversation with Fabian?? So did I, apparently??? hmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder what I said???? but hopefully he was probably in a similar head state and wont remember either........!

It's Tuesday already, now that's how I like a working week to start! Arrived here so demotivated its unbelievable, plus sore throat, coughs, sneezes and snuffles, feel like hiding under a duvet rather than be here but oddly was on automatic pilot this morning.....so oddly I am here

The weekend!!!!!!!! First made a flying visit to Cambridge... signed lots of forms........ I'm starting to believe this whole property purchasing thing could possibly happen......! Also and very very importantly handed in an advance booking form for a Cambridge Folk Festival ticket soooooo will have Cherry Hinton camping ticket........The festival is just not the same without it! This year it all seemed particularly pricey... very similar cost to Glastonbury but if you compare the bands at both there's no competition, the cost must be more to do with having flushing toilets and regulated camping areas... so you know no-one will camp their tent on top of yours!! and you know that even on the monday the loo's will not be the hideous icecream cones that G is so famous for.....mmmmmm still want to go to Glastonbury though!?

Just seen on the Scissor Sisters site that they are doing Glastonbury!!

just did it again.. well I'm in a very different mood today....

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!

Now that's more like it, definitely reflects today's mood entirely!

The little description reads......."May barbarians invade your personal space!" You are highly confrontational and possibly in a bad mood. You would have sworn in this quiz, if I had made it an option.

Can't resist....and I should know better as last year I discovered that I was Martin Heidegger (see posting for 28/11/03) which was totally unsettling... now I have just discovered my own personal Latin phrase which is.....



Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sometimes the walk to work from Shoreditch is blatantly odd... the other morning, maybe about two weeks ago while I was happily walking through Bunhills I noticed a group of what I supposed to be students lingering around John Bunyan's Tomb, just as I walked past they started singing, not just mumbly, head down pretend I'm not here singing but full voiced singing, there were harmonies and delightful voices in that throng or should I say choir!! The song... was the hymn with the line 'to be a pilgrim' in it which I guess had rather a lot to do with Bunyan as his famous work was 'Pilgrims Progress'.... anyone know if it was an anniversary or something????

Then last week I was walking in the Shoreditch direction and a man walked past in the opposite direction, he looked fine but his shirt was totally covered in blood, yet he didn't seem bothered by this at all. I carried on walking and around the corner met the sight of a man with a completely battered face, it was horrible, bloody and very very messy, trouble was he was laughing and joking and having a fag!! Then I spotted in the distance a very large truck and film crew .... so didn't have to practice any first aid!

Last night, again on my way home a very polite young man asked me to stop as a fire engine was just about to pull out of a building???? It did, swerving out of a very tight space and sped off, lights flashing..... but oddly quiet... the siren was not on??? Then once again I spotted a camera, I guess the sound will be added at a later date..... there is an air of unreality about these streets....

Sunday got up early, the sun was shining and I felt bouncy! Managed to walk to the tube without crying( see earlier posting!)!! Headed off to Oxford again!!!! Had a lovely, lovely day in the sunshine !!! Lovely lunch in a lovely country pub called The Fox, in the lovely Boar's Hill, and then spent a lovely afternoon deep in conversation whilst lounging in a meadow surrounded by trees, birdsong and blue sky! Lovely! Later hobbled home from the tube with a smile on my face!

Had a good weekend too! Friday night had drinks with Mark and Tara and some of their friends... very pleasant indeed.. only trouble was i had worn an old and very much loved favourite pair of sandals...... by The Art Company and they are gorgeous! But but but!! crippling! and these are flat and very wide sensible shoes!!! Tara and I walked from Bishopsgate to St Pauls, not far normally but in these sandals it seemed like miles of pure agony! ended up walking home barefoot ! Sooo many blisters it was stupid! and Saturday was painful! Went nowhere and walked very little!! and I so loved the sandals and never had any problem before, have my feet expanded over this winter??????????? how to lose weight on the feet??? any particular diets that take inches off the foot???

Gmail! Not too woried about the privacy aspect of the new google mail system, well after all I do write a blog about me that is publicly available! so I signed up for it a few days ago mainly because I have to use online email as my computer was left in Cambridge.

Recently I have tried out:

hotmail - too much spam,
ntl - spam and a time-out factor which is really irritating if you are writing a long email as a little message comes up when you click on SEND to say 'you have timed out of this session'!! and your long email has disappeared into internet ether never to be seen again!
Tiscali - time out factor!

So I thought I'd give Gmail a go... nearly gave up in the first few minutes as the contacts list was extremely clumsy... it wouldn't save changes or new input... but persevered and am really liking it! The inbox is much more than an inbox as it saves all sent and received mail that share the subject heading, this is really convenient and so far no spam (though it is early days) and it doesn't time out... so I can leave it open all day and even the contacts list seems to have lost it's initial annoying glitches! Gets my vote so far! Think that this is also my first 'techie' posting!!!! arrrhhhh! am I becoming geek-like!?!

Saw an article of clothing last night that made me laugh!! Walking down Brick Lane and past a clothing shop there was the ubiquitous Che Guevara image but this time it wasn't on a t-shirt nor even splattered all over a dress, and dresses are sooooo in this season!! No Che's face was on a............... Baby's bib!! It was pink and very very cute!! a real must have for all Guardian reading new parents!!! Just imaging them sitting with appropriate cute child in organic-non-smoking pub and child wears baby ug boots and che bib!! a total image!!!

Pinkbells!!! Has anyone ever seen pinkbells before????.... I'm talking flowers here!! I mean Endymion's which are normally and obviously (!) blue but in Bunhills cemetery there are a few pink ones!! I know this is the time of the Barbie Generation but are even the flowers changing??? Maybe it is something to do with the composition of the soil?? Well it has been a burial ground since Anglo-Saxon times so I imagine there's lots of calcium!!!! Could that have an effect on the colour much the same as hydrangea's or is it rhododendrons??? and have I spelt those anywhere near correctly???

so the spitting continues!! and I still am amazed that it goes on and nobody else seems to notice!? maybe I am becoming 'disgruntled from Rotherhithe' but have you ever thought what the pavements would look like if there were no smokers, gum chewers and spitters!!! and that's not mentioning the litter!!

Read Lovely Bones this week.........! My god not a book to start reading on the tube........ I had to struggle to fight back the tears!! a struggle I lost.... fascinating book because of its perspective, that of the murdered girl... and whereas it looks at the story of a murder and looks like it could be a tale of the murder hunt in reality it is a fascinating exploration of the living... how different people deal with death and grief.... a good book!

Had a long weekend and am much calmer and more philosophical!! Last week's rant is now out of my system and I can be a rational being again, well as rational as I ever will be!!! P can get on with it. If he feels the need to steal my blog's name there's little I can do about it and well -imitation is a form of flattery is it not and after all what is in a name???

Onwards and upwards......... the weekend was decidedly split into two.. first half very home centred, seriously considering a move back to Cambridge as I am in need of a 'home' a real home, somewhere I can sand the floorboards if I feel the desire or put up loads of pictures..... just somewhere where I can be me........ and be surrounded by my stuff.. so have broached the subject with J & J and suggested that maybe they start thinking about what they want to do.....

Sunday went out to the marina and spent time with Tara on her boat, now this was another possibility for providing a home as Tara is selling her boat .... but but but it is the size of a small caravan though more appealing!!... having spent last year considering and looking forward to moving into a 70ft boat with high ceilings and vast possiblities.. it just seemed a tad small ! So I think that idea is shelved, though of course it does have moorings!!! and actually would be great for spending weekends on in the summer months....

Tara, Mark and I then headed off to HMS President, which is moored near Blackfriars Bridge on the north bank... now that is a sizable boat, or ship as the Captain kept reminding me later!!! Definitely a nautical theme to this posting!! Fabian was playing in a band with Pete, George Breakfast and two girl singers..... but what was eminently much more watchable was the audience... this event was an opening for an art exhibition being held on the boat and two of the artists were Russian and so most of the gathered crowd were Russians.... they certainly know how to party!! and dance and ummmm take over the microphone!!! A very funny but odd evening indeed...

Horace might be doing the Glastonbury thing again so will probably get tickets after all! And Pete and George B will be at the CFF, in the Club tent so that should be good too!

Monday morning was another day off, which is utterly lovely... so I got up rather hastily and full of a stonking hangover headed off for a date in Oxford..... and this time the conversation flowed, gushed and burbled its way over a day filled with laughter, sunshine and fresh green countryside and a lovely discovery of commanalities! I met a man! and now I have the answer to the question about when should a new chap read your blog.. it's dead simple, if he is an intelligent non-judgemental lovely human being then he can read it whenever, as it just doesn't matter!

Blogs and relationships.......!! I have mentioned this before but I think it needs more exploration... The other Sunday I was on a udate date....... sort of unexciting and fairly mundane, and as he was pretty geeky the conversation turned towards computers. I mentioned having a blog, but when he asked for its name I couldn't face telling him, well it's a bit like saying here's my diary this is all about me, but not getting any reciprocal feedback. I still know nothing about him and he knows, or assumes he knows, a hell of a lot about me!! So when do you let them see it??? A bit like the old 'when to shag' question.... Recently in the very sweet early stages of a relationship, that admittedly didn't get any further than the very sweet early stages! Alan suddenly declared that he would no longer read my blog as he didn't want to read that he'd been dumped before it actually happened!! Hmmmmmmmm ha! Maybe that was a significant move Alan!!!

Sooooooo ............ I spent last summer in a relationship with Pete that was really quite controlling and manipulative, but what was particularly bad was his non-recognition of me, as a separate individual, he diminished me, denied my sense of self really and as I had put myself in a very vunerable position, ie moved in with him without any of my belongings, I struggled with what was actually happening. I could not believe I had made such a mistake, and so really tried to make it work and to ignore some of his not so wonderful facets of character.... like his racism......back to the blog aspect here, I did describe the ending of this relationship in this blog as 'a limp dwindling away' and he later told me that this upset him, somehow that changed how I felt about writing this as I didn't want to hurt him or anybody I know and care about, and so I have avoided emotional outpourings and mainly described the superficial stuff that is going on but....

I saw Pete recently as he called to say hello and he told me he had set up a blog of his own.... ok fair enough I thought, it's another way of him trying to communicate with me.. I don't have to read it.... but, of course, I have.........Its name is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unbelievable!! He has actually called it Pete's Palaver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and this makes me sooooooooooooo mad........... it's a further diminishing, a further way of control and taking away something that is mine and what makes it even worse is it is really really really shit!!!!! and by copying my name he takes away some of my individuality again!!!! and he can't write, he can't spell, and he even writes racist stuff!! and it is really CRAP! The man has no sense of empathy whatsoever.... He writes of Lizzie, his daughter, in such a matter of fact way that it blends in with what he is saying about the boat...!! Has he no soul???

So, to conclude, blogs and relationships are a minefield... but from now on no holds barred....... I will write what I feel and if it feels pertinent to write about it I will write about it...........

Cambridge Folk Festival line up announced..... Beth Orton, Divine Comedy, Jimmy Cliff, Loundan Wainwright, Acoustic Levellers and of course Horace X... looks pretty good

I have become dull!!! Saturday night was fucking fantastic!!!! Jake's body and no we are not talking my son here at all!!! was utterly gorgeous... I could gush at this point, I am going to join a fan club!!!! Bloke next to (and behind me) ((well at the front of a gig people's geographical position changes rapidly)) had a set of sparkly rabbit ear headbandy things, and a very good body too but that's beside the point... anyway in a moment of sheer exuberance he threw said ears on to the stage... all around gasped as Jake, the lead singer, at first trod on them then picked them up and wore them, more gasps and bloke with body sighed......... 'he's wearing my ears!!!!!!!!!!!!!' luscious moment!!! and I am now attempting a new record... to be seem bouncing away at the front of gigs... can imagine being in the background of various photo's and one day someone saying.. 'well just who is that old dear that boounces like a 17 year old but needs a zimmerframe at the end of the gig' and my moment of fame will be there.... that is all I desire.......... a moment of fame

The Scissor Sisters were awesome!!!! Such a pity Neela and Michael couldn't make it, Sarah invited two of her friends along but I had to abandon them as they had decided to go upstairs.... and the sound up there was really terrible, actually there were real problems with the sound and for a while Ana and Jake had to talk whilst improvements were being made but for the latter part of the show it was fine..... I went downstairs and weasled my way to the front, which is much easier to do on your own so had a fine view of the band....... bounced away and thoroughly enjoyed myself indeed!!!! Will certainly try to get to see them again soon!!

Double booked tonight but trying to squeeze both in....... Hannah's leaving do at The Vibe bar and then Sarah's birthday party... Tomorrow a gig and Sunday a day of rest! Looks like a good weekend ahead!

Didn't get a Glasto ticket after all........ but still have other plans for that weekend so all is not lost

Speaking of lost stuff...... any emails to my ntlworld address using my full name have been totally lost .... if you want to stay in touch please use the email link that's on this page... be good to hear from you

Will be getting Cambridge Folk Festival tickets this year so maybe meet up with the girls again then?????

more about the cemetery.. It is Bunhill's Cemetery and is a place for dissidents!!! It is actually unconsecrated ground!! Explains why there is no church next to it! and has been used as a burial place since Saxon times.... ideal resting spot. I wonder if they have any spaces.......?? well I would certainly hate to be amongst believers so burial is out for me and I had imagined cremation as the only option... now another possiblity!! Not that I am planning anything though!!! Of course!!! but well just in case... it's a thought.....

Spring has arrived although I am in a complete fug at the moment... Exacerbated by trying to sort out a mortgage with no spare money and being hounded on all sides by people/companies demanding money... it's all getting a bit much and I'm not good at dealing with bureaucracy (can't even spell it) at the best of times....

had a lovely phone call from old friend in Australia, James, and that has left me with a smile or three!! I have known him for a number of years now and have always been impressed by his eco terrorism but he's is much more mainstream now and working for the Green Party. Good on yer James!!!!! !!! maybe one day .... a visit???? mmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway reason for posting!! have been having a pleasant walk in to work from Shoreditch recently, having realised that the East London line is my favourite tube line. Always get a seat and there is always one within a few minutes of waiting! Sooo my walk has included a cemetery just off City Road which is a little oasis of calm and there are already grape Hyacinths and daisies galore! Squirrels are all over it too and it has been a nice couple of minutes of fresh air! Today I noticed a gravestone standing somewhat apart from others..... on it it says something like........ 'WILLIAM BLAKE'S remains lie nearby'!! and next to him there's a pointy columny thing naming Daniel Defoe's resting place and then in the background John Bunyan's tomb!!! Was quite surprised I had missed all this. makes me wonder what else I am unaware of when just walking past

Went to an excellent gig Tuesday!!! At the London Astoria, met Sarah in Tottenham Court Road and found a place to have a beer as the queue was ridiculously long... ended up missing The Others but arrived in time to hear Miss Black America... very young and not really very good at all.... all trying to be very punk but the lead singers hair was just a bit too sparkly and shiny Plus I had read they were from Bedford and somehow I couldn't get away from the idea that they looked so obviously like boys from Bedford Modern!! Anyway next was a band called something like 80's matchbox disaster and they were an odd mix of kiss meets duran duran on speed???? but none of that mattered as TheBuzzcocks were on next and they played an excelllent set! Sarah had disappeared off to the centre of the moshpit by this time and I was happily enjoying an occassional shout with a very cute American called Paul who totally looked like a native American with very long black hair!!Then The Libertines!! This time I knew their stuff and headed into moshpit territory myself, enjoying the physical contact on an empty stomach this time (I am Learning!!!!!) Then Mick Jones from The Clash came on and played with them!!! I very very very good gig indeed!!!

amusing tube map

so a change of plan. have cancelled udate! Just don't want to get on that whole disposable merry-go-round again........ and am reading Liquid Love by Zygmunt Bauman and find that he is describing my life!! and it's not good!! He is saying we have moved right away from love and relationships to connections and networks, both of which are easily broken and set up again in a new and novel way unlike love which is about bonds and commitment.... hmmmmm what I am looking for is the latter but I am searching within a medium that is solely to do with the former!! Ergo I am looking in the wrong place! Need to carry on with my artwork, to meet real people in real settings and have real conversations!!

also spent a lot of time on udate on sunday!! god does it just suck away time!! you go on and then hours later you emerge, time having entered a new zone of diminishing minutes and hours... anyway ended up chatting to three completely different individuals ... one a Cambridge chap, one a 32 yr old in Leicester and another a Bill Bailey lookalike in Wiltshire!!! one was intelligent, one was sporty and one was sweet... just what I need but I think I liked the whole combination!! and then there's the Kiwi who is in Afghanistan working with refugees!!!

A good weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! got thoroughly plastered friday!! but luckily the automatic homing device was switched on and woke up sat morning slightly confused but nonetheless at home, scarf neatly folded away and washing in the laundry... how does that happen!?! Went to The Prospect of Whitby a very nice pub in Wapping so luckily it was only one stop away on the tube!!!
Saturday a bit of a slow start but Sarah and I headed of into town to see 21 grams... bloody intense indeed!! quite a gripping film and very powerfully filmed... a sort of raw quality about it all!! Saw it in the Curzon which is an excellent cinema too, so had a swift beer afterwards in the bar and headed into Soho for food........... big mistake!! Had a really good Indian but then headed off to Brixton for the gig. Felt bloated couldn't drink more beer and didn't bounce well at all, so floated on the periphery of the mosh pit, enjoying the waves of movement but not up to full contact! Sarah of course was well in there!!!! The Libertines were eminently watchable and actually very bouncy!! Listened to the CD again on sunday and really enjoyed it, though must admit to overplaying Franz Ferdinand's latest!! Really really like that one!! Had a bit of a nostaglia moment on Sunday when left to my own devices and played some Del Amitri!! God that was depressing!!! but Franz restored my enormous sense of well being as did Blur a perennial favourite!!!

discovered an interesting place yesterday... just off Brick Lane.. thought it was a deli that did coffee that looked interesting at first but on going in yesterday realised it is a lot more and that upstairs is a candlelit, sofa's, bottles of wine, resident DJ sort of place.... very cool, Cafe 1001 The link's not brilliant but the only one I found that wasn't just going on about smoking illegal substances or in Portugese

The sun is shining and it has a really nice feel to the day!! Walked from Shoreditch station this morning rather than attempting the connection at Whitechapel and it was so much nicer! Had a little walk down some of Brick Lane, passed some interesting shops at the side of Spittalfields... it was pleasant!

and looking towards the weekend I have a date with a green transport man and a marine biologist!!! Have been lurking in the pages of udate, merely to quell the boredom of course, and well, might as well meet some new people! Last week I met Eric, an actor, hmmmmmm very very nice but he was looking for a woman to give him babies!! My god can you imagine just meeting someone when you are a teenager or early twenties, arranging a date and almost the first thing he mentions is the availability of your womb!!! You would have been astounded/shocked and somewhat put off! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh such is the experience of the post 35 (45!) dating thing!!!! So will not be seeing Eric again, I wish him good luck, sort of!

Another thought crossed my turgid little mind as I wandered aimlessly towards the tube this morning, probably why I am so often late as I haven't mastered the 'rushing about in a desperate hurry' look that is so prevalent in London... Anyway back to wandering along Rotherhithe St.... Suddenly realised that this time of year is when I start looking out for signs of spring, when those first green shoots start to appear, when birds sing extravagantly, when days get longer, you can tell here that spring is my favourite time of year. But but but I have never experienced spring in London, it was well underway when I arrived here last year and I am very concerned that I am going to miss it completely!!! There are a lot of shrubs, though mostly evergreen,on Rotherhithe St but a fair absence of green once I get off the tube at the Barbican....... hmmmmmmmm what to do??? Where to go???????????? I need a hit of new growth!!

so many thoughts today I don't know where to start ........... ahhhhhhhhhh I must apologise for yesterday's posting that suddenly and inexplicably was written in the style of Carrie Bradshaw, I really don't know why this happened and I promise faithfully (well as faithful as I can be!) that it will not happen again!! Now dear reader.......... Onwards with the thoughts of the day.......

Spitting! Now what is that about?? I remember years and years ago when I was a sweet innocent and naive 16 year old, well when I was 16 any way, I went on a little trip to Scotland to visit a boyfriend... First time traveling alone and it seemed such an adventure!! So there I was sitting in the top deck of a very grimy Glaswegian bus when I spied a sign that said 'No Spitting' now to my innocent mind what shocked me most was the thought that there must be so much spitting going on that the need to put a sign up was deemed necessary!! I had never thought about spitting in the street or worse on a bus nor had I ever noticed anyone ever doing it!!In fact I sort of wondered why? But moving on into the 21st century people, who are these people?, still spit........... It is obvious they do as you can see it and even sometimes hear it!! There is no excuse it is disgusting! Maybe not on a par with defecating or even vomiting in the street but still utterly unacceptable maybe we should start putting up signs again. You can imagine a little red circle with the appropriate line across, we are heavily into symbolism nowadays. Maybe there could be a Blue Peter competition to design a no spitting, no vomiting, no defecating sign!! Is Blue Peter still running??????????

Sitting on the tube this morning and pondering the ineffable when I started looking at shoes!! Odd how they really characterise someone.. but do they characterise more than the individual?? I was looking particularly at the high spikey heeled and pointy toed variety and wondering how anyone could actually want to wear them? At first I had two questions. initially simply;1) are they actually comfortable? and 2) What do they say about the person? But I realise that so many women wear pointy, spikey uncomfortable shoes that it is saying something more about our society than just an individual preference.... perhaps it is saying something about female sexuality too and how it is percieved and what is the norm? To me sex is all about something very natural, very much a part of everyday experience... and the shoes I wear reflect this..... they fit my feet, I can run in them... they match my body.... but pointy spikey dangerous shoes say something else about the perception of female sexuality.. they say something dark something painful something unnatural... What is our society about when for society to recognise a woman as attractive and for a woman to feel she looks attractive and sexy she has to wear something disabling, something uncomfortable, and something possibly even painful?? Weird indeed!

still rather deflated by it all... but I don't suppose it is possible to remain on a high buzzy plane all the time really, though this one is a bit too low for my liking..... Signed all the appropriate forms yesterday so the mortgage thingy is underway, feel I've forgotten something tho' or will be found out and told I can't do it....that I'm not allowed! hmmmmmmmmmmmm !

The weather has turned back to winter again and it's not a nice change... there are flowers around and surprisingly my Christmas tree has new needles emerging from the old..... they look a very very fresh green mmmmmmmmm alive indeed!

Monday morning and the mood is so diferent.. pondering a return to Cambridge as the finances are becoming scarily difficult to keep under control! But it wont be for probably 6 months or so, so will just have to see what happens. Maybe its something to do with the total realisation that the Pete thing is completely over and he, after all, was the sole reason I moved here in the first place... now that reason has gone I wonder why am I still here? and I can't actually come up with a sensible answer.... maybe I should look for a job in Cornwall instead? Who knows?

just can't stay away...... and now have no reason to not write any more......

It's been busy it's been dramatic it's been hectic! Just the last week I have seen 8 bands, one conceptual art exhibition and one film, and read two books....oh yes - got a good deal on a mortgage and have an interview for another job!!!!. Somehow managed to pack work around that lot too and going out to an exclusive bar tonight! Bugger life is amazing really!

Probably simplest just to do a list today........ will add comments thoughts and ponderings later

Bands: In order of apearance..... The Zutons, The Music, Cooper Temple Clause, Black Motorcycle Rebel Club, Franz Ferdinand, Von Bondies, The Rapture and finally Funeral for a Friend

Art: Yoko Ono Odyssey of a coakroach

Film: Elephant

Books: In Arcadia by Ben Okri, and a repeated reading of John McGregors If nobody speaks of remarkale things..................

Oh Delilah! I miss you..............My My My

actually there was no sordid! .................but I could make it up if you would prefer!!! answers to be received by next week or you miss your chance!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 04!


to blog or not to blog ......... to reveal the pertinent or just flit from unnecessary waffle to unnecessary waffle ha ha That is the question!!!!

soooooooo do I put down all that happened glossing over the sordid yet dull, emphasinging the wonderful? hmmmmmmmmmmm

Almost Christmas and I remember having some sort of anti Christmas rant last year.... so do I repeat myself or has the year been such a remarkable one that I am filled with awe and wonder at the pleasure of simply getting up everyday and smiling to myself in the knowledge that life is bloody wonderful! Ha! Dear Reader! it is the latter! I am sooo stupidly content that I am smiling whilst I write....

Life recently has, somewhat oddly, involved meeting lots of people connected to Cambridge... and it is nice, there is something wonderfully comforting about the familiar.. conversation rushes around what's on at the ICA, cool indie music to listen to, the worry about Blairs policies, drinking too much wine and where to get the best organic olive oil!!! Ha! it is refreshingly far removed from supermotards and the discomfort of biking in the cold and rain, now conversation is more concerned with environmental degradation from overuse of motorised transport.. suddenly everyone I know rides a bicycle! Feel almost guilty that I am borrowing a car over the christmas week. Love Alex to bits for lending me the car though, as it gives a wonderful sense of freedom even if it is a left hand drive! So the plan is to head to Bedford via Cambridge on Christmas Day morning, pick Jake up and head to my brother's. That might be a bit awkward though as I think my brother overheard me say something about 'My little fat brother' when I hadn't switched my phone off the other day after speaking to him! Oh dear Oh dear.. ... Hopefully he will be full of the Christmas spirit and overlook it!
Have bought all my pressies now, gave Alan his last night and it was really difficult to hand it over.......

On my way to some graphic artists place next to Cantaloupe I discovered a really sweet shop that deals almost exclusively in 50's and 60's Scandanavian Kitsch..... found a pair of really cute onion shaped candle holders that hold the really thin tapered sort of candle, they are weighted so that they can tip slightly.... the design just makes your toes curl it is soo good! But I did hand them over and they were appreciated.... Its all going very very well........ will update later in the week

a while back when i was staying with friends in Bethnal Green i mentioned the wonderful grafitti I saw on the way to work, particularly the punk with wings, well I have recently discovered it is more or less all done by the same bloke.... Banksy..... So thanks Banksy for making me smile on my way to work!!!

and so much is happening world wide too. ..... so to posit this firmly in the early 21st century as I should have done 2 days ago but was so wrapped up in parties/gigs/work/hair dying and all the other mundane stuff of life, so while all that was going on Saddam Hussein was found in a hole near a farm house in the village he came from. He emerged still looking remarkably like my Uncle Geoffrey in an unkempt sort of way. Oddly he gave no resistence so now the West has to decide what should be done with him, and it MUST look fair, there should be no Guantanamo Bay affair with this man. I am sure though they would have much preferred to have him put up a fight so that they could just broadcast pictures of the body and that would be it, now there's potential international unrest and disagreement over physical treatment over judicial jurisdiction over where in the world they should hold him... and why is the death penalty being mentioned so often?????? Whose laws will apply?

There seems barely enough time to fit in writing this blog as so much is happening.......... it's an interesting exercise to get enough of a jist of what is going on without becomeing utterly boring with the details...... Saturday decided to go to Canary Wharf to do some Xmas shopping so went to catch the riverbus from the Hilton.... but alas as we were heading up the covered walkway to the jetty the boat was pulling away, but then it seemed to hesitate and we realised it was going into reverse! It was coming back for us!!! It actually reversed back to the jetty as we ran laughingly to greet the boatman! Amazing indeed, certainly like no other form of public transport in London!

After shopping had a bit of a clothes trying on session and discovered or should I say rediscovered the mini skirt!!! Bought the appropriate black tights and now have something else to break up the monotony of jeans wearing!! and it is really comfortable too which did come as rather a surprise...... so headed off to party saturday night and met interesting people again ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh can one ever tire of this I wonder???????

Sunday was particularly lazy, well we didn't get back until 6 am so the day was spent sleeping and eating the ubiquitous full english breakfast... the evening brought the best bit of the weekend as we headed to the Astoria to see the benefit gig for Shelter. First act the Scissor Sisters were excellent, with a fascinating and eminently watchable vocalist!! hmmmm quite delightful.. then came Mary-topless-bird ...not so good but it gave a bit of time to chat, look around, buy beers, queue for the loo sort of thing.... the other acts were first class, Cooper Temple Clause -exceptionally loud, Frank from Travis did a perfect little unplugged set, think my favourite was Graham Coxon, very loud and very early punk, almost reminiscent of The Undertones... evening finished off by The Music with a very ugly lead vocalist that sounded so like an early Robert Plant it was scary.. a good evening indeed

What is happening to time???? It has skipped into warp speed, it seems impossible that a whole week has passed since my last posting but what a week! It started with me entering singledom officially....... my almost-a-year-long relationship dribbled to a limp close on Monday evening when Pete finally heard me..... sad really that after such an intense and passionate start it could dwindle to nothingness ... but maybe it was too intense and hurried and desperate... so I will be avoiding any romantic intensity for a very long while!!! hmmmmmm.... !

Sooooooooooo wednesday took me back to Cambridge ... I visited the flat and gathered together a few missed and needed items, like my cafetiere, spent a bit of time with Josh and Hayley which was nice and they had tidied up which was lovely! It was a quiet time, actually the frenetic buzz of London was well and truely left behind as we walked into town through Jesus Green. It was dark and silent and comfortingly familiar. I have always enjoyed the walk through J Green as the path cuts a diagonal through the grass, it's sort of like entering another world at night as the lights from the streets become hazy and distant, it can be particularly lovely if there is a mist as you can feel like the only person in existence! Anyway. headed to The Cow which was loud and busy found Jake and had a pint with him before heading up to the train station and back to London. On my way back got a phone call, which actually wasn't altogether a surprise, from Alan! It made me smile hmmmmmmm but as I am avoiding any romantic intensity I arranged to meet him next week!

So onto the weekend.. last weeks word was luscious this week ......brilliant! Cooked food for Paul on friday and had good conversation, spent a lot of it discussing top 10 books...... came up with very divergent lists but his descriptions of a couple have tempted me to seek them out fairly soon....

another weekend over! Luscious would be a good way of describing it!!! Friday Sarah met me out of work and we headed towards Clerkenwell .. first got sucked into a place called 'Play' inexplicably finding myself seated on a deep and comfortable sofa drinking a classic martini.. (vodka of course and stirred not shaken!) very pleasant but had to force myself away to meet Neela, Michael and friends... They were all comfortably ensconsed in the Three Kings which was a warm and noisy place. One thing that jumped out at me immediately which was really pleasing was that I must have sooooo got used to pubs in Cambridge I had forgotten that public houses are allowed to contain people over the age of 20 on a friday night!! so hmmmmmmm conversation rattled around a number of topics, becoming more diverse as the alcohol consumption progressed. Sarah and Neela struck up an immediate friendship, pink fluff was explained and I even came out with a Kafkesque reminiscence which I must have dug up from some pickled memory... and it was understood! dead odd!

Saturday was much much quieter, though Sarah and I made the delightful discovery that Canary Wharf is only 15 minutes away... caught the river bus from the Docklands Hilton which is 10 minutes from the flat... so if I ever need a quick shop forget walking to Tesco's in Canada Water it's now Waitrose in Canary Wharf by boat!

and the party! The flat is now officially warmed! Sarah and I cycled to Tesco's got slightly side-tracked by pink fluffy things but purchased enough essential party consumables... cheese pineapple cocktail sausages twiglets sort of stuff. headed home tidied and by six o'clock we were ready! so headed to the jacuzzi for a half hour relax..... and then awaited guests whilst trying out pink fluffy drinks ..... guests duly arrived, met some really interesting people ... discovered I look like Felicity Kendall ( this wasn't really news to me as I have been told this for the last 15 years or however long she has actually appeared on tv for??) but if you are going to look like anyone famous I can't imagine any better! Even if I cant see it at all! well I'm not blond for starters!! Party was enjoyable but pink fluff went to my head and I sidled off early leaving the real party animals to errr? really party? Next day was really pleasant, cooked big breakfast talked lots laughed lots went to see Love actually and actually enjoyed it ... Hugh Grant ......... ahhhhhhhhhhh! hmmmmmmmmmm!

Just read an interesting article in the guardian today by George Monbiot Not only interesting but he actually posits the idea that oil will run out fairly soon and that we really should be adjusting our lifestyles/cities/farming accordingly... ie less reliance on the car for starters!! It all makes sense .... but is anyone or more particularly any politician prepared to make the change? Tough one maybe we all should bury our heads in the sand and enjoy the last few years of prosperity, use every ounce of oil there is and then panic??

Ha! I've just done the quiz.. what 20th century theorist are you? and I ended up as (and as I can't make the link work....) quote-

Martin Heidegger! Your reputation is stained a bit by the fact that you were a member of the Nazi party, but your groundbreaking Being and Time is still read by a whole lot of people. You overuse the hyphen, and make up a lot of words. You died in 1976


Oh dear oh dear......trouble is I have always been vastly impressed by Heidegger's Being and Time - and his phenomenoligical outpourings - and he always stressed authenticity as being so vital, which I totally go with - though he does look at it all with a somewhat anthropocentric perspective - and yet he was a Nazi ??? how could he have been? this is something I have pondered for a while.... as you do............ ahhh well it is friday afternoon - a time prone to ponderings. ...and I was awake at 4.00am (Thanks Sacha! XX).... need sleep

Been a busy week! Most amazingly won the pub quiz!!! Maybe because it was a quiet night, it was raining hard when we headed to the Mayflower and we realised that competion might be lessened because of teh weather but I think actually it was the fact that this week we joined forces with 4 other people! Romped home to a win and I do so like winning! Trouble was that I'd already had my alloted sensible amount of red wine and as we won just about the right amount for a round of drinks it seemed appropriate to celebrate our victory with a large glass!! Sadly I barely remember the walk home, but woke with the taste of victory in my mouth the following morning, or was that............?
Then to the comedy cafe with Pete on wednesday night. Now wednesday night is a bit of a dodgy one to choose..... it's free to get in which is good but you get to watch 5 or 6 virgin comedians stutter and stumble their way through their, obviously well prepared, little 5 minute pieces. Hhmmmmmmm some of it was excruciatingly painfull, one poor chap launched himself on the stage, voice barely audible and blurted out his punch line for the first joke before he'd actually managed to relate the joke, you could almost see his brain scrambling to rejoin his head and fight to regain control of his mouth... but he was better than The Canadian who became so obnoxious and abusive that he left the stage with everyone now with a well defined hatred of any canadian whatsoever... Tim Styles was good and I even remember his name! Actually it was a very enjoyable evening!

Life has an odd way of imitating TV at times! Last night I felt I was totally immersed in a soap plot. Sometimes it is all truely unbelievable .... so ........ last week had me down to my last 90p and it was 4 days from pay day. Oddly I resigned myself to my, somewhat habitual, penury as I walked out of the tube station late that night. I felt totally calm and just shrugged my shoulders and decided not to worry about it as I could always cycle to work and I had enough food, so philosophically reconciled I turned the corner and there, right in front of me, lit by the glow of the street light was a £5 note! So I had more than enough to get me through the week and felt very grateful to life for supplying my need.
and then last night..... got home from work really tired but a friend phoned to say could she come swimmming, flatmate Sarah was up for it too so the three of us headed around the back of the building to the pool. Must admit to not actually swimming for more than 5 minutes before heading for the heat and bubbles of the jacuzzi.... ended up all three sitting in there and conversation turned to my friend's next date, she has a boyfriend but has been asked out by a mega rock star to go to lunch..... I suddenly realised the vast contrast ... last week I was picking up someone's lost change and being really in need of a few extra pennies This week I am lounging in my jacuzzi with 2 friends discussing the dilemma of dating rockstars!!! Life is a bit weird at times! But at least it isn't dull!!!

Last night after cycling home, and as usual getting lost, I went out........ wandered up Rotherhithe Street and eventually came to a part of Rotherhithe I have never been before, discovered a job centre, health centre and the object of the search, a library! It was brightly lit and the doors were welcomingly open so after taking a deep breath I headed up the steps. Inside I could see a gathering of people so I aimed for that, chairs were set out in a circle and a number had already been claimed. In one corner a couple of women were pouring wine into glasses and chatting, after a couple of seconds of taking in the scene I introduced myself to a wine pourer and was welcomed into the fold, offered wine and asked to find a chair. I had made it into my first reading group experience!!!! The group was larger than I anticipated and quite diverse though I guess the majority were 50 something women there were exceptions.. the young Chinese man and 40 ish gay bloke being the most obvious. The book they had read last month was Washington Square by Henry James, obviously I was at a bit of a disadvantage as I hadn't read it but it turned out I wasn't the only one and the conversation was lively at times challenging at others and dire on a couple of occassions. Turns out that next month they don't have a book to read but are having a Christmas party, so it will be January before I can really expereince the whole reading group thing... I have to produce a list of my favourite 10 books before the Christmas Party though, so that will take some thought!!

Interesting article in The Onion about what to do if Mom discovers your Blog! Think I have tackled this one in reverse....... when living in Cambridge I had my blog in my favourites list. Then Josh started using my computer, he looked and read about himself!! He wasn't too happy about my interpretation of his actions! It was about the time they told me of Hayley's pregnancy and so I had written about it (April?) ....... it's difficult to totally avoid the personal and so my policy is to put stuff that I would say to the person involved and if I wouldn't do that then it's best not to include it in the blog.........

Had a weird conversation about acid with J&J recently which I didn't write about as I have at times been a long way away from an available computer...... suffice to say the conversation was about shared experiences and how some stuff just hasn't changed!! Must admit I had never thought I'd be having a 'my favourite trip' conversation with my boys!!!

Home at last and it is utterly lovely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel very very lucky to have found it. The flat is gorgeous and already we have pictures on the wall, books on the bookcase .... it is a home! Even been very efficient in sorting out the phone line so am in touch with the world, just need a computer and life is complete.... and the swimming pool is a bit of a bonus!!!! As I haven't been sleeping too well and have been wide awake very early I am now able to don big hoody and trackie bottoms and with just a quick walk around the building I am at poolside within a minute of leaving the flat..... I have had the pool to myself, well it was 7.30! but actually being alone in a pool gives a real sense of pure enjoyment and freedom...... dived in, swam a few lengths and then realised I didn't need to just go up and down but could go in circles. Amazing what years of ingrained behaviour can do in that it took me a while to work this out!! So I swam and loved it........ will work on a few breathing techniques over the winter and then maybe that triathlon wont seem so impossible!!!!!! Life is good!

Ha! Now I know what I have been doing for the last three weeks... Sofa surfing!!!!!!!!! well I have surfed the internet, surfed the sea, surfed a set of concrete stairs on an ironing board, windsurfed, surfskied and now I am an accomplished sofa surfer too!!! It's amazing the skills you can clock up without even realising... Read an article in th Guardian yesterday about the phenomenon of sofa surfing and luckily my experience has just been a temporary blip but there are others out there who for various reasons, mostly to do with cost of housing and lack of decent references, have to rely on the support and kindness of friends for long periods of time. Must be awful to have no home and no personal space for a protracted period, three weeks has been enough for me ... though I don't know how to say a big enough thank you to friends who have given me space and time........ Many many thanks

and tomorrow I move into my new flat... will bring news of life with flatmate...

Was just looking through the archive as this blog is over a year old now... longer than I ever managed to keep a journal going... but what a year to record! Personally it has been a very dramatic year... this time last year I was working for an obscure scientific charity producing two highly regarded scientific journals in the field of fertility so I was reading some fascinating articles about elephant sperm and the like!! But it got a little dull.... then I met someone fell in love and moved to London, whilst in the process of moving my youngest was involved in a hit and run, my eldest became a potential father and my lover was held up in a bank robbery.... and now after the longest hottest summer on record I am working on the fringes of the fashion industry organising the travel back and forth from various fashion shows, have crashed a car, drunk my way through countless bottles of wine, realised I have got some very very good friends, been clubbing and gone to Glastonbury for the first time, moved out, and found a flat with a swimming pool attached! Youngest still having problems with his broken collarbone but he has found a very sweet and supportive and handsome boyfriend, eldest still inthe same relationship, they have just celebrated their first anniversary though without the potential child and both sons are working!!.... hmmmmmmmmm some year and I'm only 45 still!!

Hidden away from the world for the last couple of days, many thanks to Neela for providing not only a sofa but a bed too!!! So only a week to go until I move into my new flat, god this has been traumatic and totally draining... have hidden away in books too this last two weeks. Have devoured Vernon God Little, Astonishing splashes of colour, The divine secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood and the not to be forgotten Who moved my cheese! plus started Brick Lane when I was in Bethnal Green and left it behind... is it a form of escapism I wonder to immerse oneself in a fictional world for a day or two?? Pondering the possibility of finding a reading group so that I have to really focus my reading a bit more and have something to say about the experience afterwards..... any suggestions?
A week to go...... so far I have bought a mattress, sorted a few things out in Cambridge and have tried desperately hard to remember the size and proportions of the place that we so briefly saw in what seems like an age ago and to think next week I'll be living there!!!!

Still living on people's sofa's and becoming very tired of it all.... will not get the keys to the new flat until the 7th which seems to be getting further away rather than closer, it is now 10 days away. But it's one of those arrangements that keep getting put off and seems forever to be 10 days away ... starting to wonder if I'll ever actually have a home again! It's also making stuff like cooking in one's own kitchen seem like the most desirable thing in the world.... was wandering around M&S last night and getting excited at the thought of a microwave dinner for one!!! Heard from Sarah this morning my new flatmate to be, she mentioned the mini-mirrored balls and pink sheepskins that are available on Deptford market hmmmmmm well it will be a laugh no less!!!
Reading Vernon God Little which is perhaps not ideal reading for a footloose and homeless transient to read but I love his ummmm what do you call them ... misreadings? misconceptions? such as 'Adult Hitler' and 'powerdime shifts'.... a world of little depth, subtlety or understanding... angst ridden humour!

Find myself living in Bethnal Green as a temporary measure and actually find I really enjoy the area, there's a vitality here that is utterly missing in Rotherhithe and I feel very alive and full of energy. It might be a little shabby but it's colourful and vibrant. I am walking to walk which is a delight and there are sights along the way that make you smile. Not only John Travolta and Samuel L Jackson all suited as in Pulp Fiction holding bananas at arms length on Old St but also the bridge over Old Street with the uniformed smiley faces and the words KEEP LEFT centrally positioned.... but there's also wonderful little bits of stencilled graffitti such as the punk with little purple wings on Ion Sq Gdns and a number of pavement sketches that you smile as you walk over...

Time zipping by again and its now October!!

Had another look at The Blaine....... looks a tad thinner but still up there perplexingly?? Dead odd! Still haven't really worked out my ambivalence, but anyway..... went on the London Eye last sunday and it was all that I expected! well as I hadn't really had any expectation that's not as good as it sounds. went with sons + partners and Pete.... good views indeed and the sun was just setting so the light was really interesting.

Other things recently worth a remark or two have been Holmes Place in Kensington.. very nice gym/leisure centre ... had a long swim, a bit of a jacuzzi, a moment of steam room and lots of lusciously hot powerful showers....... cool indeed! I will be back! That is if A keeps working there and sneaks me in for free!!

Had a look at Friendster yesterday and thought it worth a few moments of registering so have attempted that today but its not sending out the email verification and as I'm Billy-no-mates I can't really look around the site until someone else does too??? am I understanding this correctly??? Neela what was the thing about the 5 words to describe someone.. could not see that anywhere???? Five words to describe me......short hapless alcoholic.... hmmmmmm thats only three, must put on my positive hat!!....... !!

hmmmmmm just received an email from Travel Italia asking for reciprocal links so I have complied.. will it make a difference to my site I wonder.... any emails from anyone else about this would be good

Anyway the weekend......... had another wander up to see David Blaine on Friday, it was afternoon very pleasant weather and he was obviously enjoying it all... waving smiling and looking remarkably relaxed for a man that hasn't eaten for a week. A friend though went to look later on friday and described a very different atmosphere, he said that people were abusive and there was a general feel of aggression in the air, at one point a firework was released and the glass cage visibly rocked. DB must feel somewhat vunerable!

After having a look at the man we wandered around the Design Museum which has some fascinating bits of stuff in it as well as the ubiquitous Alessi kettle! Wanderings continued to Browns- newly opened in Shad Thames where we had dinner, a very efficiently produced and tasty meal ... Pete had driven up in an electric car so we headed home following the Thames path in a narrow Noddy-like red car, unfortunately the batteries are not very efficient and any slight upward gradient meant the lights dimmed and the car slowed to worse than walking pace!! Luckily we were not on the road holding up vast queues of maddened London drivers!

Yesterday was spent in hard labour on the boat! It is now empty, we must have moved 20 tons of rubbish, assorted metal pieces, bags of gravel and all manner of tat.. it is now empty! and we will be living in it by the end of October, dont know whether to be excited or horrified at the prospect... at the moment I'm just feeling exhausted

Forgot to mention about the surfing with Ruby Wax!! Bank holiday weekend Pete and I headed to Cornwall... weather was wonderful, St Agnes just utterly lovely I really want to move there right now!! People were really really friendly and unlike Newquay it hasn't lost its Cornish charm at all...... so we booked a surf lesson, turned out that it was fully booked by Ruby Wax and family/entourage..... so I watched Ruby's first attempts at surfing !! Which is an odd way to spend a bank hollday monday, we did get to have a go though as we stayed an extra day....... waves were the biggest I've ever seen in Cornwall and my underwater somersaults were spectacular!!! Decided this should be a new sport, particularly as I am soooooo good at it. I managed loads of 360's a few forward flips and even the occassional back flip, plus the ungainly sideways 3/4 flip to land face first in the sand, not elegent I grant you but utterly spectacular!

Went to see David Blaine last night, well he is in walking distance of home so it would seem churlish not to! So we wandered as a group, Pete and his kids, me and my boys and Steve a friend planning to have a drink in Shad Thames whilst in the area. It's a very pleasant bit of London and DB has chosen an excellent view for his sojourn into the self. We arrived on the other side of the bridge and it took a few moments to spot anything different but saw the crane first. So we wandered to far side of the bridge past a hot dog seller, will DB gets smells wafting up to him of bland frankfurter sausages and magnificent fried onions?? Above our heads in a narrow glass casket was a sort of duvet bundle, very reminscent of the bundle of the fusty grey homeless that lurk in doorways all over town. As there was little proof that an actual person was even in there it also reminded me of the duvet bundle that is placed under normal bedding by teenagers (well I did it anyway!) when they have gone out without permission and rather hope that the parents wont look too closely into a darkened room. But I digress we made lots of comments like it could be a robot, a lookalike and other similar suggestions and then there was movement from above and all heads turned upwards as DB slowly stood up. This was accompanied by a rousing cheer, the man in teh glass box proceeded to remove his jumper hang it up and wrap himself up in his bundle again and then subside once more to the bottom of the box. As far as I could see the person looked remarkably like David Blaine so I would say it was him!? Such an odd spectacle though, very zoolike in its voyeuristc qualities!! A man has chosen to place himself above humanity?? Is he watching the crowds that gather with the same sense of unease that I watched him?? Obviously his unease will be far greater as he is supposedly doing this without food, though I think it would very stupid if the water doesn't have some colourless nutritional addition to it, vitamins and supplements and maybe a sedative or two would make survival of 44 days sort of possible. DB's view of the Tower of London though, from across the river, is absolutely gorgeous with its floodlit turrets and ancient stone walls, it might help though probably after a few days you would stop appreciating the sights!
But, and there is always a but.... traffic was appalling last night as anyone crossing the bridge slowed to look and I would guess that by the level of traffic everyone who was travelling anywhere in the vacinity decided to take a look too. This is going to make driving utterly unbearable if it carries on for 44 days!

Travel by tube is generally an unexciting thing, it's often too warm and horribly crowded but recently I have noticed the phenomenon of the button pusher and it has intrigued me.... the whole tube experience is very automatic and probably for the first time ever I have felt utterly ant like in my insignificant crawling through tunnels along with vast numbers of fellow travellers. but there are amongst that number some who appear to believe they have some control over the system. They display this idea of control by pushing the button to open the train doors Ha! have they not seen that the doors open automatically regardless of human interaction?? that the whole movement is completely pointless?? that they are completely wasting their time?? or do they blithely wander around truely believing that unless they take part in this action the door will not open and the twenty or so people also waiting to get on board would just stand there looking at an unopened door???? What a wonderful sense of self importance they must have!!

off to see Morcheeba at Somerset House tonight.. will get the riverboat too which is a very pleasant idea as an alternative to a cab or the tube ........ still in London........... still part of a couple...... stiill pondering


saw Terminator last week..... all a bit of fun really! must admit to enjoying watching Arnie as the terminator and taking the piss out of it all.. he is obsolete but at least is aware of it and his older model was a pure parody of a former one

in serious run away mode..... Cornwall is beckoning even harder than ever and I just want to run............................surf.............. climb.....................

have started looking at jobs and houses... on my own........... my own place........... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

and tonight it's Astanga yoga!!! yet another course I have signed up for, this one is a 6 week beginners course in power yoga!! Should be fun and as I am so stiff and achey from last night the stretching should combine well with climbing..... by the end of the 6 weeks I might even be on my way to a reasonable level fitness again which means I can eat vast dinners and drink copiuous amounts of alcohol with impunity!

Went climbing last night and scared myself silly but it was sooo good! Did the course a couple of weeks ago and have been down to the centre a couple of times since to try out all the exciting new techniques.... hmmmmmm boy can I smear well now!! Anyway sort of realised that my confidence is fine with top roping, I can happily climb to dizzying heights and make interesting moves if I have a rope attached.... but without a rope I have been a little wuzzy, until last night that is! There are a couple of sort of slabs (walls leaning away from you as you climb, makes it loads easier!) and I have free climbed these though must admit to pounding heart and liquid knees at first.... so the confidence has been growing a bit.. and I have progressed to doing the harder climbs on the easy slab...... last night........ wandered around and tried free climbing a wall that we had top-roped on the course. It has massive bolt-ons and chunky holds mainly because it has a very severe overhang at the top of the wall... so I looked at it and remembered how easy it was to climb with a rope.... actually felt a bit like walking up a ladder sooooooooo I decided to free climb but only up to 15ft when I planned to jump............. thing was when I was up there I was really enjoying the challenge and decided to continue.... and it was fun, not too difficult and even at the overhang bit the holds were solid ....... until the end.......... the wall ends on a platform, a flat platform with a couple of bolt-ons to grab and pull yourself up with.... trouble was there was nowhere for my left foot to go to push myself up from... and I was at this point about 25ft up dangling on an overhang with steadily growing panic /adrenaline coursing through my veins! hmmmmmm luckily someone saw my plight and offered a hand (how embarrassing but very very useful) sooo next time I am determined to do the same climb tho' this time I will look first before I start climbing to see exactly where my left foot can go. This is totally the advantage of using a climbing wall, you can go over and over the same climb until you get it right whereas climbing outdoors you generally do a route once and move on to something else...........

hmmmm the little Glastonbury bubble that I have been happily floating in for the last few days seems not to have burst but gently landed........... it was an excelllent, wonderful, chilled festival I am totally converted and want to return again and again, in fact I want to live that life.... though with fully flushing toilets as an addition!

So much was going on a time machine is a real necessity.. you could easily have so many different festival experiences with the use of a time transporter....... one could be where you squeeze in to see all the big named bands that are on, another could be spent in the Greenfields and Healing space getting wiped out and amazed, another could be trying out the new bands in the plethora of smaller stages and drinking beer and having a laugh with yer mates, and yet another could be wandering around the lost space and marvelling at the fully intentioned mayhem that is Lost Vagueness

Glastonbury

an excellent weekend....definitely the best festival I have ever been to...... the sun helped but it was so much more!! will add more later but as my blog has been updated I'm off to explore

I realised this morning that I have a 'pet hate' odd term but that was the one that came to mind, so it's the one I'll use for now, unless you can suggest a better term.... anyway my particular pet hate concerns the use of grossly oversimplified, often gendered, generalisations......... you know the sort -sentences that start 'women (or men) usually do/think/react...... ' I really resent being herded in with half the population and expected to behave in just one particular way.. I do feel this biologically deterministic viewpoint irritating to say the least, surely the spectrum of behavior is inordinately diverse and although there are differences the differentiation between gendered behaviour is so overemphasised with such generalisations being commonly repeated that it sort of becomes too difficult to step away from and people start to believe that the behaviour is set in stone and irrefutable. i.e that men do behave in one particular way and that women do behave in another particular way with no leaway for looking at behaviour patterns more along a spectrum rather than distinctly grouped........

anyway moving on... have signed up for a refresher climbing course at Mile End Climbing club. went the other night and was pleased at the friendliness of the place and the diverse range of people there... so have paid up for a 2 day course in early June!

AND have got tickets for Glastonbury!!!!!!!!!

Finished reading 'If nobody speaks of remarkable things'....... a lovely book quite the best read I've had for absolutely ages, a totally absorbing and poetic journey, a journey through a day, a journey through the mundane, a look at the detail of people's lives in such a way that the mundane becomes extraordinary... even the title is a delight in that in the book the sentence 'If nobody speaks of remarkable things' is completed by the words 'then they cannot be so'..... wonderful! a pure delight indeed! It even made me cry! Right from the start you knew something dreadful was going to happen.. there was much exploration of life and death issues and how they affect the individuals. The characters were described in perfect detail but without names, all the people in a street were watched in absolute detail and described in an innovative way, conversation was not demarcated. it flowed along with all the other flotsam of the street..... it WAS a good read.. definitely recommended as a truely remarkable book

What a weekend! It seemed to start thursday.. with a visit to Highgate in the fun car, met up with Pete's two brothers and girlfriends in The Flask which was a really nice pub where we sat outside and drank copious amounts of wine and ate pistachio's! Very nice indeed, we than went on to an Indian and then it becomes a little blurred, well to be exact I fell asleep so it is less than just a blur it's not even a remote and hard to reach memory! Even managed to sleep all the way home which in an open topped no suspension 2 seater buggy is remarkable really! So friday I thought I'd give up alcohol as I don't seem able to do the sensible stopping after 2 glasses sensible thing.

Friday night was the Club Moto BBQ night and I was a bit of a party pooper really ....... though the one advantage of not drinking was that I drove myself home in the fun car having decided that I didn't really fancy the trip to Chelsea Bridge to watch old bikers and lads on scooters....

Saturday was meant to be the big day for moving the boat! It didn't happen, Enfield dock were just not ready! Jake came to visit though so I went to meet him in Kings Cross and we had a quiet evening with a BBQ .. sunday I had booked a jet ski so Pete and I left Jake in London and headed to Wyboston Lakes. had a wonderful ride there. the A507 was a lovely road all sweeping curves and picturesque countryside.. Pete enjoyed the trip down which I was pleased about as he didn't seem too excited about jetskiing!!

But we got there and we got kitted up in wetsuits and went to play! Loved it and so did Pete... we were both zipping around the lake in the sunshine until somewhat from nowhere it went horribly dark and the heavens opened up and tipped buckets on us and at speed on a jetjski rain hurts...had half an hour of play and was unable to work my arms properly! Muscles just gave up, getting the wetsuit off afterwards took ages!

Just had a look at Rose Darling (see link on the left under 'Blogs') Rose agrees with me about a recipe for youthfulness... forgot to mention the gig we went to ... the 'Godfather' boys were excellent in their usual sleazy way...... bit of a problem with their CD though ... the music is excellent, the CD design is very very polished I was really impressed and then I played the music video on my computer! All I can say is............ Lip sync ....!!! It really didn't work .. in fact it made me think of a A level art student who had big intentions but then just smoked too much weed and didn't quite get to finish the project off... but still had to hand in something!! Oh dear....

it's monday and I feel like spending money!! have an need to buy hmmmmmmmmm well anything really, though I'm trying to decide what I actually need...... after getting soaked yesterday in the fun car a waterproof jacket seems like a good option. Went to Chelsea in the sunshine, well almost sunshine and had a walk along the King's Road, looking at shops, had a coffee and sat in a pleasant little Italian place drinking my Americano and the heaven's opened up! It was pointless rushing back to the car as it's not really a convertible, there is no roof! So we just had to linger over the coffee watching the rain. When we finally got back to it we were presented with a crowd of people looking at it and two good size puddles in the seat wells!! Oddly after borrowing a sponge from another little Italian coffee house we managed to soak up most of the puddles so we weren't actually sitting in water but nevertheless it was still very very damp....... rather than driving via Hoxton on the way back we went straight home.

In the evening watched Twelve Monkeys as Pete had never seen it and was reminded how good a film it is as I'd forgotten most of it anyway.....

so might pop along to Field & Trek to purchase a suitably expensive waterproof...........

Feeling very lively and bouncy today and suddenly amazed that I am 45. How on earth did that happen?? Anyway decided to impart the secrets of eternal youth..... well this is what has worked for me anyway! And without being too vain or stuff like that I reckon I'm not doing too badly for someone who has attained this age......... oh dyed my hair red this weekend.... mmmmmmmmmm not too sure about it so giving it a week to either get used to it or decide to go back to the more 'normal' brown!

Anyway I digress........ what has got me feeling sprightly and youthful mid forties......... is a recipe made up of;

a plentiful supply of alcohol
sitting under a hot sun whenever possible
drugs (a bigger variety the better, spread over at least 30 years!)
financial hardship.... (the more of a struggle the better i guess... cuts out unnecessary expenditure on stuff like cakes )
and loads of frenetic shagging

seems to have worked for me

Well I like the new look, seems much neater and cleaner but I'm really struggling with the top line! can't find an appropriate code to complete the border?? Oh well! Nice font I think. Gill sans.... very clean indeed

I'm keeping the stones, and no I'm not refering to that band but to the image at the top of this blog... it was part of the original template .... and still in keeping somehow....... a nice link to the weekend ahead.. Pete and I are off camping, heading off tonight on a Honda Hornet with tent in panniers! We really haven't given too much thought as to where we are going, it's more a 'getting away from' idea rather than a 'going to.. ' so this afternoon I have randomly selected some maps and Dorset seems to have landed on top!........ there are stones there are there not? Big ones! and fossils on beaches and a coastline and beaches and cliffs and beaches ......... ahhhhhhhhh cliffs.......... seems a good choice! Hardly heading off in search of stones but hopefully will trip over a few.........

Time to start working on this blog, a bit of an update is required and as the boss is out today it seems the ideal oportunity.......

just did a google search for Delilah's Palaver and it came up!! Whether this is because blogger and google are now inextricably linked or because there are a few more links to the actual page I guess I just wont ever know, but I like to think it's the latter!!

profound thought of the weekend was:

'There is a little bit of a rebel even in the most innocuous looking biker'

came about because I was in the shop and realised that even the dullest of biker must have a bit of ummmmph about him just because he actually is out there riding a bike! Ergo they can't be completely dull!....ok maybe I was a little bored!!