ha ha !!! so I made some phone calls, told people what was required and.... I'm still waiting! The original mortgage company deny that the new solicitors requested the deeds, the new solicitors insist they did... so who pays for this?? me.. I have longer to wait, another month's astronomical mortgage to pay and still an unknown completion date gets further and further in to the distance...

on a more positve note I bought a bicycle... and I love it!!! enjoying zipping along! and tonight I buy a beat up old Rover which will last hopefully at least a couple of months... so now I'm all ready to gooooooo! .......... but where???? Think it is time to make decisions, hand in my notice, do up my flat on a full time basis rather than hoping for a burst of energy at the weekends (which just isn't happening) and book at least a couple of weeks holiday somewhere warm....and then spend the summer in my little caravan in Mepal....

really looking forwad to the Isle of Wight festival as the line up includes Lou Reed.. saw him a couple of times in the 70's and he is quite a mesmerising performer...have been looking at pictures of last years festival and it looks sooooo small.. there is just the one main stage... which is great as there wont be that rushing around trying to catch acts thing that is Glastonbury... we'll be able to find a spot, spread the blankets and sit.... cool indeed... the webpage also requests that deckchairs are not taken... wouldn't that be lovely if that is taken seriously! If no-one has them then it all becomes less territoial and a lot easier to see the bands when sitting! God I am really looking forward to it already!!! Have booked the ferry and going a day early, might be able to get a day on the beach in as well!!!!

Got to get to grips with this!! Instead of sitting waiting must do! have phone calls to make people to talk to to make it happen... no sitting trembling, waiting....

It's all happening and it's not happening... a weird little waiting time.... and I'm sitting in a public library with streaming cold ....there's snow outside....

waiting for some sort of decision about what is happening in Mexico/San Fransisco? still no flights booked, no decision made, no idea what is happening

remortgage is supposedly happening but I'm in limbo at the moment, scared to imagine it really will happen, terrified it wont... it will be like my last 10 christmases all come at once if it does... have soooooo much i now feel the need to buy and it's not little stuff! have been looking at digital camera's... very excited by the Olympus SP 350!!!! ipods are jumping out at me from everywhere and I saw a cute little mountain bike (a little Giant, no less!) yesterday that looks perfect!! Dare not breath in case none of this actually happens... feel like I'm about 5 and trying to be good in case Father Christmas is real and true and he really will bring me all I want/need/desire but only if I am good and I'm not sure I know how to be!!!

Got Graham Coxon's new CD last night... love it already... and the interview!!!! He still is so that 6 year old, who's a bit embarrassed by it all, but it's almost like he's accepted who he is now and ummmmm almost happy with it?? Anyway great CD! the music has that raw edge of something new and exciting and am looking forward to seeing him live on the 30th.

had a go at the Guardian netjetters competition yesterday... interesting as it is looking for two new people for 2006 who fit into either a green category or a grey one.. I feel I am perfect for both! which probably meant my entry has fallen in the gap between them both!

Amazing weekend!

Went into town after work on friday and met up with S & R in Villandry where we had beer and good conversation.. headed into camden to the Barfly to see the morning after girls. Nice to be back in a crowded venue spilling my beer when squeezing my way to the front, I'm too short to see anything unless I'm in the front row, but my beer doesn't often survive the trip... musically the band were fine, very velvets, but hey I like the velvets! they didn't quite have ummmmmm that 'it' factor.... can see them doing alright but there was no real spark... not for me anyway... just enjoyed the atmosphere

on saturday headed to Olympia to the One Life exhibition... wasn't sure what to expect but Mahesh, Rohan and Anna had been heroes... our stall was the complete low key, low level, eco-stall... it truely reflected the ideas and aims of Down 2 Earth, Carla would have been proud to see it... there were 'competitors' there with big glossy stands, highly laminated and very very corporate looking... the d2e stall was cosy, with floor cushions, a little field (grass begged from the Innocent smoothie stall) and miniture tepee's and ivy strewn around... really sweet! Our leaflets were printed on home computers and on recycled paper and the approach found it's own individual niche... which was appreciated by many... I was utterly blown over by the number of people who are willing to give their time, effort and money into conservation projects like those that Carla has set in motion... all quite inspiring really and empowering

so I am going to Mexico... feel confident that we will get the appropriate numbers of volunteers... all very very very very exciting indeed!

Met some fascinating people too, from Francis Firebrace to a kitesurfer from the Dominican Republic to Sondra a french dancer with her son Attica... it was all a bit of a mini festival without the music, although Rohan, who makes Tepees and yurts had brought a selection of Irish whistles and flutes along.... a group of us headed off after packing up on the sunday evening to a Persian restaurant to share dips and wine... by that time we had been joined by Mahesh's friend who had just been to the Big Brother audition and had been asked to return for a further audition on Wednesday.. if a blond palm reader ends up in the house let me know!


a great weekend indeed!!

all up in the air!! god knows where I'm going or when, though Mexico looks less likely and California seems to be the most likely ???? So this company (D2E)is having ummmm teething problems to say the least... I have remortgaged my flat, a move i wouldn't ever have got round to if Mexico hadn't been a possibility... and so now it looks like Mexico is off and I want to go somewhere!!! it looks more like I'm going away for a holiday than work and I might be able now to afford a month away???

Options are; fly to San Fransisco meet up with C and go with her to Hawaii, back to San F and then home... this seems a cheaper option than flying straight to Hawaii and back again (£200 less!!!??) or a two week surfing holiday with Will in Morrocco, which maybe I can combine with a visit to my sister in Malta... and Mexico?? god knows... it all went wrong a couple of weeks ago with a personality clash or two between the chappie who owns the land in Mexico and people runnig D2E, then this clash spread between people within D2E... and I have just had to stand back and watch the proceedings, thank god I didn't book my flight to San Luis Potosi in Mexico and as my attempts at learning Spanish sort of ended with 'I do not eat my donkey' I don't need to worry about learning any more inconsequential chatter...

and last friday I had stitches removed from my finger and then spent the next 24 hours terrified that it was all going to open up again... finger still swollen and pretty useless...told not to put any pressure on it for at least 6 weeks!! and at the moment there is no way I'm putting pressure on it as it hurts too much! So maybe it's a good job I'm not climbing trees in 2 weeks time?? Though still reckon I could manage it... but sadly rocks and crags are completely out of the question!

Had an interesting week at Mepal! Went there to climb and do some field archery as well as work there with a group for the week. So I arrived in a ball of smoke as my car had broken down and died and then still on the same day managed to so badly injure my hand that I needed stitches! So wasn't able to climb a thing or shoot one arrow!!!! But still loved the place and the job and am really looking forward to being back there later on this year....

anyone else aiming to go to the Isle of Wight Festival?? Will buy tickets as soon as possible, hopefully will have the money before they sell out!

C has sent some advertising leaflets for Down2earth International the company that I will be working for in Mexico

weekend was interesting! Greenpeace action was fun if a little cold and people were really keen to get involved which was excellent... but sometimes I'm just not too good at getting involved my self..... felt a little aloof, disassociated, apart... its odd when a group dynamic changes.. C has left already for the States and heading to Mexico soon.. R & D just dont turn up for group events any more and so new people have sort of joined in and the dynamic changes, it's different....and I somehow didn't feel part of the change... feeling quite solitary at the moment... happy to be at home in my flat on my own...don't need other company, don't particularly want it, maybe just haven't quite come out of winter's hibernation yet!! so the social whirl can wait a bit ....

excellent article in yesterday's Guardian by Rob Newman... he states that capitalism and sorting out the environment just wont work together... an idea I have propounded a number of times whilst imbibing alcohol late into the night... but he puts it so much better than I could... to put it simply he says that capitalism is all about increasing profits and ever-expanding markets and in a finite world this just isn't possible ... there will come a time, and it's just about there when we will have to adjust our lifestyles to live within boundaries... that carbon neutral behaviour is not some fanciful ideal but a necessity... and what did I buy yesterday whilst ambling around Sainsbury's... strawberries and raspberries! In February!!!!! hmmmm I think I have to re-think... maybe the theme of 2006 is to live within my limits... I have made vast in-roads to sort out my finances with the view of actually paying bills and living within my means... and now I need to look at my impact on the world... can I justify the flight to mexico by the fact I will be working on a project to protect an ancient rainforest??...yes think I can... but will have to look at sources for doing up my flat and make sure it is all kosher! anyway an excellent article!!

Interesting article on The BBC news webpages about some research that shows that the human skull has changed quite significantly and quite remarkably obver the last 500 years.... and if you wander around Cambridge you can see loads upon loads of examples of the 'new headshape'.... you know how the stereotypical image of a scientist always possesses an enormously domed forehead...you know the one... ok this is known as the 'cranial vault height' which is the distance between the eyes and the top of the head.... this height has increased somewhere in the order of 20% since Medieval times... and the researcher suggests the increase in size may be due to an increase in mental capacity over the ages.... and one can only therefore deduce after that, that the cartoon image of the scientist with the large forehead is based on scientific fact....

A month without alcohol!! lighter mornings, snowdrops... it must be the moment before spring and I am feeling reawakened! Alive, sprightly and in need of entertainment!! I need to get out!!! and to modify my use of exclamation marks perhaps!!! it is a sign of exhuberance!!!!! Anything happening anywhere? Is there a social life just around the corner with a space for me to fit in it???

ummmmm Hannah????????? how was New York? and WHERE'S MY EMAIL?????? Sorry to shout!! Hope you are having fun, big hugs to both you and Simon xx

There’s nothing to worry about for all tomorrow’s children you know…. For generations hence there will be no more bad behaviour, no tantrums, no bad eating habits, no rudeness, nor lack of respect for elders, hoodies will be worn safely and happily by all and fear of the hoodie generation will be in the historical past…. And why am I so sure of this, well it’s because we now have two saviours, two people who, if they became a team would be world beaters…. The answer is simple…

Jamie Oliver and Supernanny!! It is so simple…. They can sort out the nations transgressors… supernanny can sort out the behaviour and Jamie can feed everyone properly… then children will love vegetables, their parents and the world and so will become more naturally eco-friendly in the process and in so doing will be awake and aware enough to act on global issues of environmental concern…

and yes went to see Brokeback Mountain on friday..... incredible film! Amazing for its understatedness! It has floated around in my thoughts and the utter poignancy and beauty of the tale it told has settled within my head like the softest silkiest handkerchief. I keep remembering moments, an image, a sentence, a look... god it was a beautiful film!

Jake saw it and his comments were... 'they could have done more with the cinematography and pulled a little more at the heart strings!' I was crying in the cinema, if they had pulled more I would have been audibly sobbing... the mountains were stunning but yes I see what he means but for me the understated beauty of their surroundings was all part of what made it such a memorable film... definitely recommend it to all

Walking in to work gives a moment of time for thoughts… it’s quite a lovely little space in the day when I trot along pondering the ineffable… a time for solitude and peace… and so the brain wanders, meanders the finer points of life… comes up with solutions to anything from kitchen design to why I wanted to be an anthropologist when I was a child…. Went for a job interview yesterday and was asked this question and then had to say why, found myself describing an old Australian atlas that my parents had which was fascinating, it had, in the middle pages, old sepia images of ‘peoples of the world’… photographs of family groupings, of stern Norwegians in patterned woollen clothing, of pygmy men standing proud!, of a Chinese family with the father with pigtail and odd platform sandals/shoes… different worlds, different lives….

Oh yes the job interview was for part time work at Rohan… need more money so have to work more!

Another pondering meandering thought was about accents and dialects… maybe it’s something to do with walking through the centre of Cambridge so often and all I hear are fascinating accents, numerous languages and odd dialects… ok so how come people from all over, initially mostly, Europe, all speaking different languages, having different accents arrive in a vast new continent, settle in regions right across the continent covering vastly differing geographical areas and then other diverse groups from Asia and Africa also arrive and settle, including of course indigenous peoples that have their own languages… and out of all this an accent develops that is distinct and easily recognisable, with even local dialects and variations?? How come they all speak American? Or Australian, the same thing happened there and both continents now have a distinct accent? How or why did this happen?

March looks like it might be an interesting month! Something has been set in motion, you know that feeling... it's almost as if something bigger has taken over and it's rolling, rolling along with a life of it's own. Tonight I go to a travel clinic to see what jabs I need for Mexico, I have been proactive in sorting out my finances and it all looks possible, I have checked with my parents about storing stuff in their loft, I have told Mepal that I'm away for two months and will start in May... it is all happening!!! I am going to Mexico in March. Renting out the flat looks likely to be the most stressful thing though, too many variables and negative possiblilities... do you know anyone that wants to rent out a flat in Cambridge for 6 months?? Someone, quiet, tidy and appreciative!!!

so jumping on that rolling ball with a big smile on my face I will be heading off to .... the unknown

Have been doing lots of reading in this new job! A very nice way to spend one's time indeed and have come across a few interesting things.... generally have to find things that relate to the university but it is sooo difficult to restrict my reading and not wander off on little tangents all the time.... catching up a bit on maybe what, to you, is old news but I haven't read news stories in such detail for ages... so now with all the bird flu stuff happening came across an old news report about Donald Rumsfeld being Chairman of the company that makes Tamiflu, the one vaccine that is recommended globally for this possible pandemic. He has already made millions and is set to make many many more... link that to the story which relates the possibility of replacing the world's global stock of chickens, in all it's diversity, with a monoculture of GM chickens which could be possible within 4 to 5 years! Frightening possibilities indeed, I feel we are turning that corner into a new world!!!! and it is a bit dark and a bit scary!!!!


Mexico looks more and more possible!!! Have now found myself reading up on what innoculations are required and have purchased a 'Teach yourself Spanish in 6 weeks' booklet and CD .... so far I can talk about a black donkey and a fast river! Hopefully my vocabulary will become more extensive!

just a very quick posting as I realise I haven't posted anything this year!! New job is good, walk to work nice in the mornings, so feel loads healthier just for that reason alone... and away from 'Misery' too so life is smiling at me! This job will probably last until Mar/Apr. Mepal starts again in April which gives rather a natural gap between times... maybe Mexico??

New years' Eve found me meeting up with 'old' friends Hannah and Simon, which was utterly lovely.... JJ&H came along with me to the Slug and Lettuce and we had a drink or two there but it didn't really suit. H&S felt like dancing and not been the most keen dancer in the world I felt happier trundling to The King St Run with JJ & H, It does have a good juke box so was quite content.... oddly we had a game of pool when we arrived as upstairs was empty... then at 12 headed towards people gathered at the bar... it was heaving and warm and I was gin-filled and happy.... the actual New Year was a little confused as they had a clock and a silent TV at different ends of the room and the room was split into two depending on what you were watching, one cheer went up but the other side of the bar were still concentrating on the 'time' so it sort of got missed somehow???? Got chatted up by assorted rogues but wandered back with Hayley, J& J got waylaid somewhere on route???? So that was it, another new year....

but all that seems such a long time ago! Now back to work........ cutting and pasting in the old traditional way!! Fingers getting all sticky and black!!!!

lots of plans made last night... met up with W and had a couple of drinks and discussed doing a climbing course, the single pitch award (SPA) in Devon so we can get some surfing in, what festivals to go to... Surfstock will be a definite and the Isle of Wight looks like a good possibility.... climbing in the peak district and really getting to grips with lead climbing... how to deal with the teenagers at Mepal and I'm not talking the ones that come for the courses... and it was lovely! Oddly I have found a good friend, someone to do stuff with at last!!!


and today it's my birthday.... 30 years ago when I was 18 the Sex Discrimination Act came into being. I was excited, hopeful indeed that equality was truely just around the corner...........30 years on and i think the corner is even further away.. women are still raped and barristers question what they were wearing, how much they drank and their previous sexual history... women are still not paid at the same level... within households it is still women who maintain the house doing the majority of cleaning shopping and care.... what I find more insidiously scary though is what has happened to children's toys... toys were just toys when I was younger, I had a football and dolls... nobody thought or said anything of it... nowadays it is all about boys toys and girls toys... there's a fluffy pink girly aisle in Woolworths and a macho camoflage, metal one for boys... they are seperate, different and in fact world's apart... there are boy flicks and chick flicks ... it is all neatly packaged in very seperate boxes.... whereas what I had hoped for at 18 was the freedom to be whomsoever I wanted to be without recourse to stereotypical gender behaviour... maybe that's sort of how I have been... in that I am a climbing instructor... I like working with kids... have long hair but always wear the trousers and pink is one of my favourite colours ... but I do think I might be considered slightly odd by some.... I dont care now but how would I have coped as a child growing up in this boxed and dystopic world!! ??

calmer much calmer........

so wishing everybody a bit of peace for the next week and in fact for the world forever, now wouldn't that be nice! So here's hoping there's no major environmental disaster, no famine, no corruption, no torture, no killings/murders/rapes/any other horrendous stuff.... no illness no suffering no death... ok sorry getting carried away... I know it's all impossible and that we need the whole life/death cycle thing ... without autumn there could be no spring ... without death no life and all that but, well I think I'm just simply trying to say 'best wishes' and may all your dreams be splendidly possible


love H/D

killing time..... at work and have totally lost the will to live... 'Misery's' negativity fills the room and her anger is unrelentless... plus having to deal with crap at home.... larger J has told me I should be grateful to H for doing the housework!!! and if I say 'but it's me that's doing it all' I sound niggardly and petulant!! hmmmm is it pc to even use the word niggardly any more???? bah!

feel as heavy as a 10 ton russian tank rolling into Czechoslovakia in 1968 and as happy as Gollum bah! I have lost my precious and I dont even know what it is, all I know is I have lost it!!!!!!!!!!

it's the winter solstice today and have invited people around tonight to share it with me... most can't make it, well it is a bit of an awkward night, but actually it is immaterial how many are there. I feel a real connection to this celebration in a really old hippyish sort of way! It is ancient, it is part of the natural cycle of life on the earth. I mean it is obvious that it is a very dark time of year and after today it will start to get lighter. So it is all about rebirth, starting over, recognising the past years events and acknowledging the importance of friends in one's life too.... seems to make sense to celebrate ... so am sending loads of best wishes and love to all in celebration of an excellent year just past and an exciting time ahead....

Having fun on Ebay, well it is friday! have two bids in at the moment....very exciting indeed maybe after today I will have all the gubbings needed for my new bathroom, maybe not and I'll have to start again on monday!

Also have been having fun on guardian soulmates with a cool surfer dude chappie and then there's the possibility of heading into london tonight for a greenpeace party, there's field archery on sunday too, so I will be out in a little woodland, bow and arrows in hand shooting at a variety of plastic prey! Going to be a splendid weekend

and there's only a few days left before it the days start to get lighter sooner... can't wait for the solstice this year as next year looks really quite buzzy and I am completely unable to live in the moment as there's so much to look forward to!! buzzy buzzy buzzy!!!!

Another lovely weekend this one full of films, good conversation and a wonderful sense of well-being.... sobbed my way through Before Sunrise and Before Sunset... fascinating filming... two people just talking.... but so many of their words have been mine, so many ideas expressed were so familiar... it was like watching a bit of my life... and yet... i have no Jesse... I took the wrong train I guess....

anyway went to the cinema to see The Constant Gardener which was a very satisfying film on all levels, the cinematography was beautiful, the characters were richly drawn, the storyline was important, the poignancy spiked home and it made me cry, cry for the victims, cry because of the injustice, cry because of the love... ahhhhhh very satisfying indeed... and because of what might be happening later this year I did not come away from that sort of film with the empty despondant feeling of 'what can I do about it all?' as I might well be playing my own small part in the bigger picture

had a drink with Rose in CB2 too and really enjoy the new opening hours too... found this the same on Sunday evening when J & J and I went to The Portland Arms for a game of pool but ended up joining in their pub quiz... a very difficult heavily music based quiz...it finished and we had a couple of drinks after it.... and left the pub around 12 ish. on a SUNDAY NIGHT! Lovely lovely lovely, much more relaxed and civilised indeed

I simply thought that rendition was all to do with singing....


but no I am wrong, I heard the phrase 'extraordinary rendition' through the haze of sleep one morning on R4... I was confused.... no it was not about singing or artistic performance.... it was to do with the US.... and torture... I dozed off.... woke again and pondered my dream... bizarre I thought....

turns out it was not a dream.... I have been horrified by recent reports of US activities... there has been Guantamamo where the US has flaunted International Law... there has been Abu Grave... which was disgusting.... there have been other tales all quite shocking concerning the US and prisoners....

how dare they! Why??? What excuse or reason can be used???? If US soldiers were treated in this way what horror and outrage would be blasted from all media sources!?... are they not putting forward an idea of 'spreading democracy'??... how can they justify any action that treats fellow humans in such a way?? and what of the UK... we have allowed these flights to land , take off and use our airports, are we not complicit in these actions by our 'turning a blind eye'?

it is so horrific a backward turn in ethical actions on behalf of a supposedly 'civilised government' that I am shocked to the core and wonder what is happening to the world....and what can be done

good good weekend! On arriving at King's x saturday morning I jumped off the train and felt wonderfully at home! That buzz! Went on the march, one of the friendliest I've been on so far...


image taken from the Campaign for Climate change webpages Photo by Andy Bodycombe


kept bumping into people I knew mostly either from Greenpeace or Glastonbury....in a way it was an easy non-confrontational march to be on.. I mean who can argue with the principles behind it, well apart from the White House of course, but I had an odd moment at the start of the march... arrived earlyish and sort of volunteered to be a steward... not really sure what this entailed but put the neon tabbard thingy on and stood trying to be helpful, giving directions and stuff.... before the march started there was plenty of handing out of placcards and banners and as a steward I was asked to hand out as many placcards for the 'Campaign for Climate Change' to people at the front of the march so it was all nice and visible!! Trouble was these people were real keenies from other organisations and they had their own issues they wanted to publicise!!! and so most refused my offer of a banner! another odd moment came late as we reached the US Embassy and went towards the park... at first the police said people could go in there and so a number trundled in but then the police changed their minds.... I was asked to direct people away from the entrance and around to where the crowd was gathering to hear speaches... I felt utterly like calling out... 'ok lets take the park' and charging!! but intead I did as instructed and felt utterly disloyal, like I was acting on the wrong side!!!!!..... but that aside it was a very pleasant walk, even the rain didn't diminish the enjoyment too much and I had a hat!!

and the evening looked like it was progressing brilliantly too as we all went to a pub just round the corner form the US embassy, well not everybody that was on the march obviously I mean the Greenpeace lot!! Carla even managed to bring one of the top speakers to join us... and here it gets a bit hazy.... trouble is I had marched all day, withough stopping to get any food, and well I'm never any good at taking sandwiches along! So I hit the pub really buzzy and dying of thirst... they served buckets of wine and I greedliy consumed a couple very quickly... that was enough! I was rubbish!!!!! and although suddenly got buzzy again at about 1.00 am it was a wasted opportunity!! I was out and about and completely incoherent... well nothing new there I hear some mutter!!! ... 'must do better' is all I can think!!


Sunday had a quick sprint around one floor of the Tate Modern...loved the Warhol! What power in an image!!!

Met S and R and had a lovely lunch just chatting, catching up, exchanging views... ahhhh lovely indeed.....

Met some amazing ladies, old women but rather than being grumpy old women they were fairly joyous! But that's more towards the end of the weekend sooooo

Saturday went and rummaged around TK Max, it's a bit like a jumble sale so you have to look.... I have a bit of an advantage in that I can check out all sections really, the women's, obviously, the men's... as I like bloke's trousers!... and then there's the boys section... where I found a delicious Ralph Lauren jumper reduced dramatically from £160 to a much more affordable £14! It's age 12 but fits perfectly!!! Even started the christmas present purchasing and got J a Man bag!! It even tells him where the webpage is so he can marry his bag??? The other J disapproves completely and thinks it was far too much money for a bag !!!!

Sooooooo caught the train into King's X... zipped down thnorthernrn line and headed for the Tate Modern to check out the boxes




ok yes they were white there were a lot of them... it felt cool, particularly as everyone was already well wrapped up from the cold.... but that was it... it didn't grab with delight like the weather project, it didn't annoy like the sound thingy.... it was just there....

headed into Brockley and to the party and on arrival all my ageist prejudices came to the fore... it was Kate's Mum's party and I have met her before and she seemed pleasant enough, others were going from Greenpeace so I hadn't really thought about who would be there.... well it was full of 'old people' and my prejudice immediatelyly kicked in and I thought 'oh my god' and spent my time talking to people I knew previously and didn't really bother with getting to know anyone else... it was fun anyway even if Kate got me a drink which turned out to be red wine and coke!!! and I actually enjoyed it!!!! Anyway was up until 4 putting the world to rights but woke in the morning at my usual hour, which is so annoying... Some of Ginny's friends had stayed over and we all joined in sorting the place out, making breakfast sort of stuff and I realised I was in the company of some really rather dynamic women.... they talked of following the hippy trail in the sixties to San Francisco, of sailing down the Amazon, of the diversity of animals seen in Madagascar!! It was quite inspiring... talked of the business I want to set up in Cornwall and I have my first booking! Now I have to get cracking! It is a real proposition and people are interested! I can do this!!!

oh yes think I also agreed to instruct tree climbing in Mexico next year for scientists/volunteers working in the rain forest canopies!!!

an excellent weekend and I will feel very fortunate if I meet up with these people again!!!

Back in the world of the bicycle again and I had thought I was reasonably fit. Arrived at work yesterday the colour of the ripest strawberry and so very very hot! Looking back on the summer's activities though I don't think my legs were ever put to any strain, arms yes in climbing, belaying,archery, windsurfing, kayaking, yes the arms are good, but that doesn't help much on a bicycle! and I must get a comfortable saddle!!!

woman sharing my office space reminds me of the Kathy Bates character in Misery... scary!!!!

well after a brief and intense exchange of emails they stopped....and haven't heard from him in days. He has now reached the heady heights of No. 10 in the Mr Popularity ratings!

He just doesn't know what he has missed out on!!!!

found this intelligent quiz today with intelligent questions....
this is 'what type of humanist I am...

Handholder

You go out of your way to build bridges with people of different views and beliefs and have quite a few religious friends. You believe in the essential goodness of people , which means you’re always looking for common ground even if that entails compromises. You would defend Salman Rushdie’s right to criticise Islam but you’re sorry he attacked it so viciously, just as you feel uncomfortable with some of the more outspoken and unkind views of religion in the pages of this magazine.


You prefer the inclusive approach of writers like Zadie Smith or the radical Christian values of Edward Said. Don’t fall into the same trap as super–naïve Lib Dem MP Jenny Tonge who declared it was okay for clerics like Yusuf al–Qaradawi to justify their monstrous prejudices as a legitimate interpretation of the Koran: a perfect example of how the will to understand can mean the sacrifice of fundamental principles. Sometimes, you just have to hold out for what you know is right even if it hurts someone’s feelings.

What kind of humanist are you? Click here to find out.

Hadn't realised frosted leaves actually clatter as they fall to the ground, but that's what they are doing this morning and it presages all that winter represents... gloom, biting cold, a search for the other glove, scraping ice off various things ahhhhhh it is no good I just don't like this time of year at all. Yes we have had a gloriously warm October and yes the skies have been a crisp cerulean blue for the last few days but it is getting darker earlier and noticeably so and there are those glittery things appearing in shop windows, things that have baubles and other glittery things dangling from them ahhhhh it's bah humbug time indeed!

Time for a change! Using one of Rowena's pictures for the header and I hope you like it...seems totally appropriate as it is soooooo cambridgeshire! that landscape is the background of my life.... one wonders how I became a climber!! The remarkable thing about Rowena's work is that it is appliqued work.... in a gallery it looks like an oil painting and then you are drawn in to look closer until you realise that each block of colour is an individual piece of fabric and each piece of fabric is sewn together to make the composite whole.... really lovely work indeed!

ok .... does this bloke seem real?!? I have exchanged a number of fairly esoteric, succinct emails with him... and see that he is now in the 'popular' list, oh yes even dating sites reflect the hierarchical nature of our society!!! even 'Guardian soulmates!! a site supposedly for politically correct, intelligent lefties !! oh yes it is deeply embedded within whatever we strive to do and don't get me started on the ageism that is prevalent here too!!!!.... anyway.... just read this and then give me advice... is this man for real? should I even attempt any sort of correspondence or is it some make-believe fantasy profile and the guy in reality lives with his mum on an estate in Luton and works in a wellington boot factory???

read on:
I'm deeply curious/frequently filled with awe, laughing lots, frequently silly. Enjoying fine/visual/performance arts; playing guitar/singing. good listener/learning to be a better communicator.

HUMBLING MOMENTS:
PHYSICALLY: Trekking Himal with 50 pound backpack, watching 4' sherpas carrying 140lbs of pepsi cruising by...or... INTERSPECIES: being attacked by a alpha male howler monkey after cataloguing harem, collapsing from impact of guanacaste fruit it threw at my head, camera smashing, paralized, calling to my students for help, the alpha male screaming from the tree limbs 5 feet above... EMOTIONALLY: Being present at births/deaths of people I love...and even those I don't know so well.

for fun:
tundra alpine zones, rainforests temperate/tropical, coral reefs/turtle grass beds, roped friends dancing high ridges, somersaults descending reef walls weightless, gazelling tropical savannahs by sand rivers; backpack, scuba, telemark, sea kayak...alpine mountaineering, climbing...long-distance hiking...

my job:
Natural/Biocultural History, Environmental Sciences/Studies. Community-based participatory action research. Traditional Ecological Knowledge/Processes of Inquiry. Protected areas studies. Internationalist. NGO Director, GOV, university. Fine art fotographer/printer, writer, foto journalist, national geographic society expert lecturer, nomad professor...
nature, nature, nature... My sense of self/life's meanings are deeply interwoven with my lover, nature, my friends/family and communities in which I live/work. I'm atheist fascinated by others beliefs, myths and faith. Nature/nurture, power/wealth, resonance/dissonance. Evolution is like gravity, there it is! Exploring beyond post-modernism. nature/metropolis inspiring me.

favorite things:
sultry jazz w/female vocalist, chet's sax, ball mozarella w/plump organic tomato smothered in virgin olive oil, dark French chocolate w/ 92% Ecuadorian cacoa, making love in the tropical intertidal, splashing, the million star hotel...

wow!

I am utterly crap at working in an office... do the bare minimum and then spend the rest of the time exchanging emails or surfing the net for imponderables... last night though returned to Mepal and it was lovely... miss them/it all! realise that the job was so good for me in that there were no short cuts, no time off, no fudging stuff... you had to do the job properly because it changed people's lives and that was such a different criteria!!

Anyway went climbing last night and woke up some atrophying muscles but it has made me feel alive and bouncy today!!! So much so that I walked into reception to collect stuff for the seminar room, someone commented on how alive and bouncy I seemed I said I'd been climbing and the receptionist told me about a new climbing wall at her gym! It is on the way home!! So tonight I will have to check it out!... Think what this little waffle was all about was that once you get into a positive frame of mind, things start happening, things that increase the positivity and it's all for the good! Wish I could get this across to my eldest...his negativity is boundless, his anger intense and he brings a lot of what happens to him because of it! I really don't know how to get him to see the world in a different way, it all seems so embedded in his psyche??? Will he grow out of it, I can only hope so....

have been flirting with Guardian soulmates again and am 'corresponding' with a few hopefuls... and they seem very nice and very positive....hmmmm but all are based in the west country?? Is this a coincidence I wonder????

just browsing stuff and planning the next few weekends activities, one of which includes a march and I found this picture....



see the blurry smiley face in the background... wearing a pink scarf!! yours truely!! and the chap in the foreground... well that's another story!!!! sadly you cant see the Mongolian flag I was carrying....

have occasionally checked out my blog on the bloggernity site and usually it has had one or two ratings a few hits nothing terribly spectacular at all.... until today!!! suddenly readers have started rating it and my god what awful ratings!! has my haphazard writing style and execrable spellings suddenly taken a downturn, please tell me... let me know.... or is it anything to do with shooting at lifesize plastic deer and really enjoying the experience??? it was plastic!!!

So looking forward to the weekend! Have been working in my new office since monday but worked the full weekend at Mepal so it seems like ages since I didn't have to get up to go into work!

The last weekend at Mepal was really pleasant although the whole fortnight prior to that I had felt 'out of sorts' you know that indefinable not too happy feeling. But heard from the university temp agency on thursday that there was a job for me starting on monday and that took the whole uncertainty thing away and I could enjoy my last few days there unhindered by niggling worries... and I certainly did enjoy it, particularly saturday!!!

We had a couple of chaps from Ely archery booked in to check out how suitable the site was for field archery and I had been given the task of showing them around... I wasn't too sure about the whole thing, didn't really know what it entailed but they duly arrived and I was absolutely horrified to see them take from their car a life sized 3D plastic model of a deer!! They had a couple of other 3D shapes too and some splendid looking bows and kit!! Soooooo started wandering around the site, their enthusiasm was quite infectious and very soon they had picked an appropriate first spot and they used a 3D ball shape, chucked into an open spot on the grass and shot at it.... I sort of got the itch to have a go myself so I went in search of my favourite bow, rushed back and had a go! Hit it first shot and felt very pleased with myself... we then went into a little woodland area we use as a trust trail, ie a group of paired people, one blindfolded the other acting as their guide go around a course of obstacles, it is quite hilly and very wooded and so the deer was placed half hidden by foliage.. I just couldn't resist and took aim.... it was rather like reverting to childhood and playing 'bows and arrows' and yes I hit the deer. It has a little 'kill zone' marked in the chest area and if you hit it you score maximum points!!.... we all got rather carried away with it and ended up shooting from the fork in a tree, the top of a climbing frame, through a number of tree branches and my god it was fun!! Quite buzzy indeed!!!

and so now I sit in an office at as a 'postgraduate secretary' dealing with the day to day admin of one of the departments in the university... so far so good, quite like my little role!!

Went to see Rob Newman and Mark Thomas on sunday night.



Amazing!! Rob Newman was incredible, he stumbled a bit at the start, was that because his Mum was in the audience?? He soon, though, hit a very fast paced, fact filled diatribe against climate criminals, the US policy in Iraq, the real reasons for the start of the First world war and countless other politically important issues and it all made sense and it all made everyone laugh!! Oh yes there was gaylord tennis too!!! He is a very watchable man and seems quite authentic in his environnmental concern.... Amazing indeed!

Mark Thomas on the other hand was oddly less stridently political and less effective... so I went to queue to get a copy of Mr Newman's book after the show, had a little wait, successfully purchased a copy of The Fountain at the centre of the world, found J& J, they suggested I get the book signed as RN was standing nearby... went over and got caught in between one of RN's friends introducing other people so felt the need to introduce myself..... and ask for his signature.... hastily made my escape straight afterwards....also very pleased at J & J's reaction to the show too... proud of them as they are both political animals too!

Back at home and cleaning!!! Listening to my launchcast radio station and realise that I can put a link to it so, if you fancy trying it out, take a listen to all my favourites... love it as you can update it constantly and it chucks in other recommendations too so you can hear new stuff as well... plus if there's an oldie that isn't in my collection I can select the particular song and it will be played!!! So it is even better than my own music collection!!!hmmmmmmmmmmm do i sound like an ad???

It's Saturday night and I have been working today with a sixth form group taking their D of E awards. They have been pleasant people to work with and it has generally been a nice day. Lunchtime though I found time to give youngest J a call and discovered that two days ago he was hit over the head with a brick whilst on his way home from work and had his wallet stolen. I felt I could have cried and immediately wanted to rush to his side and administer chicken soup or something similar!!!!! But I feel sad that I have heard this news two days later, that I'm out of his social loop to such an extent that I didn't get to hear sooner... feel particularly crap actually... I'm not only out of J's social loop I am out of the whole world's social group and stuck here in my caravan enjoying work but that's it... there is nothing else!!!!! The highlight of my social calendar is the pub quiz in Mepal on a sunday night!!!!! The only bloke that's showed any interest in me recently was the new caretaker of Soham Village school and we all know what happened to the old one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that I'm actually in search of a bloke... oddly a night out with friends is more desired, feel I left London and life behind.... there were people I could talk to relate to drink with have a laugh with just normal stuff... here I sit in my caravan watching either my surfing and yoga video or Channel 4 (my TV only works on one channel!) Last night I succumbed to getting a knot book off the shelf and teaching myself how to tie a bowline!!!!! How sad is that!!! (Though it will be useful!!!!)And tonight, well tonight could be a repeat performance. Reading Birds without Wings a book by the chappie who wrote Captain Corelli's Mandolin which was a book I didn't really get past the second chapter as the characters all seemed utterly pointless... this book is better by far and the story seems intricately woven and the characters have meaning... but I need more....

Jake's ok by the way and not too badly hurt just shaken up a bit

Hawaii is calling



in fact I think it is waving furiously in my direction... ok is this a good proposition????... there is a place there that runs yoga and surfing 'experiences' and as well as the holiday opportunity they also offer the chance to do a sort of working holiday thing with them... so you pay your airfare but get fed and have somewhere to sleep, work for them but also get the chance to join in with some activities, which for me would absolutely have to be the surfing... can you imagine the chance of being able to surf in Hawaii!!! Those long clean breaks!!!!!! A long board you can do head stands on! ahhhhh bliss indeed... oh yes you have to pay what they call a work trade discount... of about $200... is this a good idea ????? I think it might be the ideal solution to my normal holiday dilemma of not really looking forward to the prospect of two weeks alone and it would certainly keep me busy!!!!! ??? Sooooo I'm hoping that by next spring I can save up enough to do it!!! It would definitely be very interesting to see how this type of business runs... maybe get some inspiration

Cant keep away.... there are things bubbling away inside that need an outlet and I miss Delilah!!!! So here I am again.... update, had an incredible holiday in Cornwall, rode a few waves no less and returned a very glowing positive woman...



now it's the end of the season and I am looking for work in Cambridge as I have promised eldest son that I will not put the flat up for rent as i felt it would be too much for him to cope with, he is now back with girlfirend who is reassuring him he will not be dumped again!?! Will just wait and see on that one, at the moment they are both happy smiley people......

so youngest son has moved in with his boyfriend and is working in Peterborough and I miss him... but this is what happens i guess

Have plans in my head to find a way to start a business in Cornwall.... so need to find a way to push myself in that direction.... I must go, I have wanted to for years .. but I've got this dammed flat/albatross hanging around my neck not allowing any escape... got into arrears... now paying them back and unable to pay other bills... all a bit stressed really so I escape to work for a few days and blank it all out... then come back to a pile of post that I ignore yet it beckons to me insistently!!!!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm went to see a friend yesterday at the university to see if there are any suitable jobs... so it looks like I'm back in an office for the winter... oh yes there was the ghost of a chance of a working holiday in Hawaii..... but the albatross tugs too tightly

Feel that Delilah is coming to an end. Whether it is to be an end of a chapter or a more permanent finish I'm not too sure just yet. It just seems time to move on to another part of my life... if you want to stay in touch then please email me or phone for a chat, it would be lovely to hear from you....

lots of love


Helen

Back from Cambridge Folk Festival today... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! It was good!!! but now very tired, very tired indeed as much alcohol was consumed, added to a couple of late nights/early mornings, some great conversations. I am really suffering from the loss of discrimination of what to write, how much to write... suffice to say.. it was good.... and will probably be able to write something more coherent tomorrow. Thanks N for the pictures .... gorgeous!!!

Further thoughts on the HP book... for the first time J K Rowling assumed a level of prior knowledge which was a blessed relief... so this time the first chapter doesn't consist of a potted history of the previous books, which is good, the converse of this is that I really think I should have re-read the Order of the Pheonix before reading this one as its a couple of years since I looked at a Harry Potter book and my memory just isn't as good as it used to be. Another improvement is that Harry seems to have regained his.... ummmm his happier side... he was a little angry and dark throughout the last book... this time he seemed much more philosophical about his 'fate'.... but the one really really inexplicable thing about this book and something that did start to irritate somewhat is that H continued on a course of actions that even he should have known from previous experience was totally totally stupid.....and would obviously have dire repercussions.... and yet JK Rowling continued down a very very similar path to one previously explored....???? Odd indeed

just finished reading a book I picked up in Tesco's yesterday..... bought the child's version as it is after all a children's book... though it is quite a meaty read for all that. Yes I have spent the last 24 hours reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and yes I did enjoy it.... shall I mention who gets killed... well Richard (from Richard and Judy) was right in his suggestion... and his reason for the death was absolutely spot on... by the end of the book Harry experiences love, loss and true friendship.... it was all there and I nearly shed a little tear... for a day's read it wasn't too bad at all.....

now the sun is shining I must get outdoors... a bit of cricket on Jesus Green with J & J might be the answer!

Am getting a little closer to my aim of swimming daily as it has been beautifully hot so I have dived into the lake at every opportunity... getting used to swimming with the fishes and they are remarkably brave and happy to swim around my toes which is slightly unsettling. Have also had a couple of attempts at windsurfing but... there has never quite been the right sort of wind (my excuse anyway) Mostly it has been too little wind which leaves me with another swimming option. I have perfected the technique of placing the sail on the board, lying flat and as far forward as possible and simply swimming arms only.... you really glide along, bouyancy isn't a problem and it gets rid of any possibility of growing bingo wings!!! Excellent!

Need to get back to regular posting on this blog. All the stuff I want to say piles up in my head and then I don't make the time to write it down and it sort of dissipates, gets lost somewhere, floats into some sort of interweb ether...

sooooo firstly I need to have a little rant about car adverts... why is it that manufacturers think they can fuse the use of cars with nature in such a integral way...cars and car-use destroy the natural environment!!!! roads kill off biodiversity, the fuel that we use casually floats off into the atmosphere and destroys the natural balance of things and they are, old or new, ugly unsightly mechanical heaps!! and yet a car advert has a single glistening vehicle in some distant rural setting zipping around as if it was the only 'creature' on the planet... there's a new one that amazed me.. it leaves a vapour trail behind it and people are looking at this polluting smog in wonder as if it was something special??? now what is that all about?????????

ok rant over... that one has been wafting through my brain cells in need of release for some time now and well yes that is what blogs are for is it not????

and so the search for the london bombers continues, the return to a sort of normality takes place, we had a two minutes silence across Europe on Thursday... and my head swims with thoughts.... we have not had any minutes silence for any civilian deaths in Iraq.... perhaps we should??? I was in a little woodland with 10 eleven year olds on thursday and we stopped what we were doing and I found it quite a special moment... just being silent, thinking of the connection of all of those others also standing silent... and it really makes me ponder human connectivity and the power it gives... maybe it brings out the old hippy in me but I am sure there is something beyond individuals and there is 'something' that connects us in ways beyond present day understanding????

Anyway stepping aside from weird new agey ponderings... to the people that planted the bombs... I thought it was very good that good old Ken (Livingstone)did not speak of revenge, eye for an eye type rhetoric but was calm and spoke of the need for understanding and peace... this is not a time, in fact there is never a time, when violence can be answered by violence... it just escalates the whole situation....I truely feel for the bombers families as much as for the victims families... it must be terrible to discover that one's child could be involved in something so awful, to be so committed to a violent ideology that they actually killed for it.... ??? another thing beyond comprehension.... but but but....

listening to R4 the other morning when they announced that it had indeed been British citizens that carried out the bombings, the next news item concerned American officers in Guantanamo Bay being accused of abusive and degrading activites to their 'prisoners', the final main story was about British soldiers possibly being charged with war crimes for their activities in Iraq... and the injustice of it all reminded me of some angry young Irish men that I knew in the 70's who felt so strongly about other acts of injustice that they considered violence as an option...and although I could never condone any act of violence I could understand their anger, (thankfully the IRA have (sort of) come to understand that violence does not help any cause).... it is possible to have some level of empathy with angry young muslims today..... hopefully they too will come to realise that violence just isn't an answer????????

came across this blog and thought you might like to read some of the quotes from Fox News!!

I feel this blog is being sadly neglected of late as I am now spending more and more time at Mepal staying in my caravan and living in a world that appears far from my previous existence of sitting at a computer screen day in day out. But this week events unfolded that brought the two worlds aligned for a while.... we had a group of school children in from a central London school on Thursday and as we were preparing for a day of high ropes, climbing and kayaking news started filtering in of an explosion in London. At first it was simply one text message from a girl's mother but soon there was enough to warrant putting on the TV to discover just what was happening.... it became an unsettled day of listening to news unfold, carrying on as 'normal' and talking and listening to the teenagers as they in turn needed to talk through their fears and worries.... It all felt strange as the world I inhabited last year joined the world I now inhabit as I spoke to friends still living in London and working in the very areas that were targetted..... it felt personal too in an unexpected way... it felt as if it was my London that had been violated and actually Ken Livingstone put it extremely eloquently when he spoke of London as a place were you are free to be who you want to be... this is just how I feel about London and why each time I return I feel as if I am returning home... it is truely a place where you can just be... where you can be yourself without fear or recrimination... and that is what was attacked...There has been a lot of talk of the indomitable spirit of the place which is certainly true but what is also very very special about London is the sense of freedom and home that makes people from all over the world call themselves Londoners and pride themselves in the sense of belonging to the place... this to me is what was attacked... those bombs were aimed at all Londoners with absolutely no regard for religion, race, belief, status... and that's what is so senseless about it all....

so now today I sit at the computer trying to write and I feel as if I have forgotten how.... it has all become a bit meaningless

woke up to the sounds of dawn rising this morning... have seen dawn a number of times over the last few days, this morning was slightly different though, as I awoke to sounds of lorries turning, pulling up and parking .... I was in South Mimms service station, just off the M25, having stopped there late the night before as I was just too tired to drive all the way home from Glastonbury... so simply curled up on the back seat under my sleeping bag and fell immediately into a deep sleep... finally got home at about 7.00am this morning!

What a weekend though! Glastonbury improves with each visit.... maybe it's because I now know all the back streets of this particular urban/rural jungle or the fact that there are loads of lovely people there, many now really good friends.. but each year the treasurable moments increase exponentially... it is just magical!

There is certainly an atmosphere there that is remarkably full of kindness, generosity, caring, supportiveness and one of overall enjoyment but it is an enjoyment that is inclusive, it is not to the detriment of others... everyone has a really good time and is happy to share it with everyone else... I cant really put it into words but there is something luscious about the feeling...

special moments were numerous... I arrived in the company of good friends and was really happy to discover three people I had met last year were also back again... and S & R had got tickets too and it was lovely to see them again.... loved S's reaction to the bins... she is a hardy festival goer but hasn't been to G before and got really, really excited about the number of colour-coded bins that are liberally spread around every bit of the festival in an attempt to keep it as clean and tidy as possible ...there was no climbing wall this year but instead it was a triangular high ropes course... platform 2 became my home and saturday evening I was up there, Brian on platform three, Nigel on platform one and we were all dancing to music from the Jazz world whilst working and thoroughly enjoying every moment of it... had one or two minor rescues but generally everyone that had a go, even the ones that looked absolutely terrified, said they really enjoyed it....

didn't really do the rushing around to see loads of bands thing this year at all and the bands I did see were more by accident than design. Must admit though to being really impressed by Coldplay which was a bit of a surprise as I have always thought of them as a bit too mellow.. but it sounds like the new album might be a bit raunchier than previous ones so I might be tempted to purchase it.. loved their version of Kylie's 'can't get you out of my head' too!! and Brian Wilson!!!!!!!!!! the set was perfect for a sunday afternoon in the sun at G!! Good vibrations indeed!

oh yes I seem to have forgotten to mention the rain....! Bloody scary lying in a tent alone watching massive hits of lighting bounce around the sky, hearing thunder that actually made you cringe and blasts of noise that indicated direct hits and having what felt like a continuous stream from a very powerful hosepipe, turned on full, aimed at the top of my tent, which incidentally didn't let in a drop of water!!, and all the while desperately wanting to go to the loo!!! When the bladder finally insisted that enough was enough I donned poncho and wellies put my feet outside and realised there was what appeared to be a stream flowing all around! The ground was just totally unable to absorb the vast amount of water that had been thrown at it so lakes, streams, ponds, even minor oceans changed the landscape of the site quite dramatically!

Will add photo's later!

wandered around the greenfields a bit, drank pear cider, talked with friends hearing stories of climbing exploits, exchanging snippets of life histories, sharing moments of discovery of similarities of experience until daylight arrived and we had to disperse to various tents and catch a bit of sleep before starting the next shift... ate an inordinate amount of healthy food.. to the extent that I feel in need of a good re-tox of cake, biscuits and crisps!!! Felt more and more confident in my own climbing abilities too which was great. Lost Vagueness lost its appeal but the little garden in the greenpeace field became a favourite spot... and the sun returned with a gentle breeze and by sunday the wellies were put away and it was possible to get around the site in sandals... so many magic moments my head is bursting with it all and I could cry!!

The face is bright pink again, my back aching loads but today I am a happy woman... passed my Level 2 powerboat assessment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok so my 'holding off' wasn't that brilliant but boy did I do my man-overboard thingy well!! So now I hold a usefully recognised paper qualification in boat skills!!!! Hilarious really!

Plus I have taken up the sport of slacklining!!!! and I can see it becoming an obsession... I am even going to buy my own slackline so I can set it up wherever I am and practise!! Maybe a bit of description is required.... ok you have heard of tightrope walking... where the ummmm rope is very very tight and you errrr 'simply' walk along it, well imagine that that tight rope is a ..... slack line! It wobbles like hell!!!I could only manage 4 steps on my first go!!!! and that was after about two hours of getting to that point!

Spending the evening supervising the public climbing session tonight.... there are 12 people climbing at the moment and I feel too lazy to join in so thought I would make the most of the computer and add a comment or two...

Was in London at the weekend... meal at Quecum Bar (yes i know a terrible name!!!) it was somewhere down Battersea High Street... pleasant place and got to see London friends... which was nice indeed...

sad stuff at home though as J & H have split up... will be very sad not to see H again.... she has been part of the family for so long....and this is the first big split up for either J or J....

looking forward to Glastonbury and have had my confirmation from Greenpeace about my ticket... made me laugh though as the letter said I would be working on the climbing 'frame' I know they said it would be a smaller wall this year but how much smaller????? Just hoping it's an admin error...

Have just finished reading The Eternal Child by Clive Bromhall, a fascinating read about human evolution that really does seem to pull together lots of anomalies concerning human development and human behaviour. It is well written and its arguments are clear... it is the sort of book that makes you look at the world differently after reading it!

Now well settled into my new job and the season has really started so it's busy now until September. We had a residential group in this week and I was 'looking after' them so took them for a mixture of activities like climbing but also had to do evening activities so had them playing games in the woodland and by the time it came for them to leave felt I knew them all very well and they were all really sweet saying their goodbyes and thankyous... so this job is more than just the activity. It is getting pretty social too... we have public climbing once a week which I join in although feel slightly intimidated by the group of French blokes who are very loud and quite expert climbers... I always seem to bang my head on the wall or slip off as I am about to start when they are there???

Last Sunday was gorgeous weather...the only day so far ... and the evening was really quiet so I though I would go for a swim. You see in my head I have this plan of getting really really fit and swimming everyday is included in that plan. But it is still May and the weather has actually been quite cold so the lake hasn't really warmed up yet... taking this into account I put my wetsuit on... thank god I did... I stepped into a shallow bit near the jetty and literally had my breath taken away from me... but I was in the water so couldn't at this point turn back, it would look very silly to put a wetsuit on and then stand in the lake up to my knees and then get out...but it was freezing freezing freezing!!!At each stroke I could feel a little trickle of icy water creep into the back of my wetsuit and despite the theory of wetsuits it did not get any warmer!! So I swam up and around the moored powerboats, passed the yacht along to the other jetty and then straight back to the jetty and ran straight into the shower.

The week before all the staff went on a high ropes trainers course which was excellent... very very inspiring and massively confidence building.... by the end of it I was happily hanging upside down rescuing someone 30 ft up... and it has made me more confident generally with all the activities ... I have learnt that I can push myself quite easily to do lots of physically difficult stuff...

Back after 4 days of living in a hut with no electric or heating... my bed is going to seem so lovely tonight! Have just been on an Archery Leaders course ... hmmmm it was actually quite arduous and this was not because of the archery but more the conditions we had to cope with... all very rainy and the site became waterlogged immediately, so have returned as if from Glastonbury with everything mud splashed and grimy!!

so have sat at the computer to check emails and have stayed sitting.... time being sucked away into the ether.... ended up looking at a sight which tells you who to vote for after asking some very basic questions...this is what it came up with for me..

Who should I vote for? v2

Your expected outcome:

Labour

Your actual outcome:

	Labour 39
Conservative -71
	Liberal Democrat 129
UK Independence Party -43
	Green 117

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Interesting!

Have been away for a long time... almost back in touch with the world though as I have got a new computer (ish) and just waiting now for ntl to actually turn up when they say they will to sort out the modem...

recent events have been amazing

Last week I turned up at work monday morning all aglow from a lovely weekend, I was expecting to be painting the climbing frame and so had brought suitable trousers for painting. There were no customers in so it was meant to be a time for catching up on the mundane type of jobs that can so easily get forgotten about.... discovered a wonderful change of plan... it was to be a training week for all the staff... so this week I have jumped backwards off a 35 ft timber pole, played kayak polo, learnt to paddle a canoe in a straight line using just one side of the canoe (???) now know how to put together a sequence of moves on the trampoline, and I have won my first dinghy race!!! My body feels like it has been hit on all sides by a human meat tenderiser, I have the most amazing pattern of bruises below my knees and it has been absolutely marvelous!!!

To cap it all off I spent friday night wandering from Brick Lane to Whitehall in the early hours and joined in a remarkable Vote for Justice march passing Downing Street at 7am on Saturday morning



Slept quite a bit of yestrday, am in Southend at Shaun's, alone as he has gone off to organise/run a Non Violent Direct Action day for Greenpeace .... I just felt that finishing the weekend joining in with that would have killed me off completely so declined the offer to join him, instead I plan to catch up with some emails, potter a bit and read a fascinating book Watching the English by Kate Fox that I started a week ago but as I keep falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow I am barely into the first chapter....

Life has changed completely again!!!! Have worked at Mepal for a week now and have gone through a whole gamut of emotions from fear and frustration to pure pure pleasure!!

Turned up Monday having had a most incredible weekend... more of that later....not really knowing what to expect... the day was busy.. full of 16 year old public school boys... worked on the high ropes section... very buzzy... it is a series of 40 ft high timber poles with a variety of activities like a trapeze to leap towards...and similar sort of stuff... it was fun... exhausting.... a sort of confusing day.... hate being new and not knowing where anything ... you feel so stupid.... the week sauntered on... my face getting progressively pinker with each glimpse of the sun.... friday was splendid... got a go on the high ropes so finally it was me 40 ft up throwing myself towards a small metal bar suspended above me... and yes I caught it!!! after that had a chance to go sailing... the weird thing is I was actually more scared of this than the height thing.... and I ended up going out in a Wayfarer on my own!! had a lovely time tacking up and down the lake.. felt more comfortable with being in control and then I had to take it in to the jetty and I suddenly realised I hadn't a clue how to do it.... Les the lovely 78 year old sailing instructor called out instructions from the bank and I awkwardly steered it in... terrifying!!!!

and in amonst all this marvellously new adventure I have met someone gorgeous from Greenpeace.. and have been starting a whole new thing.... we went climbing last weekend... and well it has been brilliant.....feel very warm and content....

and now there's just today and tomorrow left... and more work to do than i can possibly fit in... particularly as I am spending time writing this!! Peter, the cleaner, presented me with a plant this morning and I actually felt quite emotional!! Tomorrow's leaving do lunch might be hard work!!!

Going for lunch in Browns today with Lindsay an old friend who now runs her own outdoor cente... it's mostly mechanical stuff like her monster truck, quad bikes and go karts... will probably help out on occassional days there this summer.... there's just so many possibilities throwing themselves at me at the moment it's all rather difficult to take in...

and the sun is shining, spring is here and life is bloody marvellous!

Three days left working here at the university... ahhhh no more little trips up to Dampt (the Department of applied maths and theoretical physics) no more popping in to Old Schools with porters in ancient costumes... no more stuffy hierarchical unhelpfulness either and pompous blinkered attitudes!!! god knows just what I will be doing after next monday but it will be different!!! Very different

The weekend was splendid... met a lively and interesting group of Essex Greenpeace people... and will arrange to do some joint actions with them and the Cambridge group so that is really positive.... might have found someone to do a bit of climbing and sailing with too but that is another story!!!! Went to Mile End with C and had a bit of a boulder around.... still a very friendly inviting place... lovely to be back really

but feel I want to write about the suitable womb theory again.... think I mentioned ages ago about meeting chappies in their 30's who seemed only prepared to enter into a committed relationship if the woman had a suitable womb, ie if she specifically said she wanted babies.... anyone else just wasn't good enough... have been pondering this a bit... obviously its not all men but it does seem to be much more common than I had at first realised.. having conversations with others slightly younger than me, I find I am not the only one that is coming across this phenomenon... pondering further I think it reflects a massive change in our society and fertility choices... Thirty or forty years ago, prior to efficient contraception, if a couple were in any sort of relationship then pregnancy was always possible... there was limited choice in the matter but now things have changed dramatically... women have the choice and complete control of their fertility, if they chose to use it... and men just have go with it... which is so fundamental a change that I'm amazed that it isn't acknowledged more... so men are now making their choice in a different way .. and rather than selecting a partner because of other needs the paramount choice is one of potential fertility....men seem to want babies more than previously acknowledged...

For the first time ever I have to say I am thankful for existence of The House of Lords!!!!!!!!!! Amazingly I completley endorse their holding up of the Terrorist Bill and am utterly in favour of the sunset clause and feel that the Government is totally totally wrong in it's actions. Tony Blair's assertion that, without this bill going through, the country will be set upon immediatley by a new breed of terrorism is nothing short of emotional blackmail more closely aligned to George Bush's rhetoric than any Labour PM should ever be!!!

Busy weekend ahead, industrial climbing! Party in Hoxton, beer in Shoreditch, a visit to Decathlon in Canada Water, catching up with friends!!! and a day off on Monday!!! Last week at the university next week...

lost the ability to walk downstairs!!! at the moment I am looking like either a hobbled convict or a feeble 98 year old making a last ditch attempt at independence!! It's not a good look at all! So the weekend was spent sailing but more of that later....
Went to see Sideways on thursday and thoroughly enjoyed the film, even if it was about two appalling unattractive characters.... it was very very amusing and you actually found sympathy growing for the depressive unpublished writer Miles! It was set in Californian wine country and the scenery looked as delicious as the descriptions of the wine .... I haven't actually laughed out loud in a cinema as often as I did for this film, and despite the brief story line, the awful characters and the unguessable ending it was a warm and delightful film!?

Then friday another Darwin Lecture in the Conflict series...this time it was Willy Brown, Master of Darwin and someone I have heard speak before... this was actually a vast improvement on Kate Adie as he gave a coherent and fascinating talk on the rise and fall of trade unionism, with only the merest glimmer of hope for the future world in the newly arisen development of ethical trading/fair trade consumerism... interesting!

So saturday I had to force myself out of bed... had the startings of a cold and I felt really heavy and tired.... stuffed massive amount of clothes in a backpack, put an even massively larger amount on and headed for Mepal..... sort of dreaded it really... but of course once we were out on the water I utterly loved it.... even when it snowed!!! Admittedly the time that the boat, a Wayfarer, nearly capsized my heart pinged into fear mode, but god it was good.... the lake isn't big so it sort of felt that as soon as you tacked you had to tack again but by sunday afternoon my brain had taught my hands to shift the tiller and rope (whoops I mean sheet)each turn and we were racing! Probably not good spectator sport as we fluffled up one tack after another but fun to be doing!!

saturday evening C kindly cooked pasta and afterwards we headed out to see The Life Aquatic.... an intrigueing film, decidedly odd but very amusing, wonderful music and hilarious 70's detailing, loved the addidas trainers!!!and the red hats!!!!! definitely a film to see again as I feel I missed sooooo much of what was going on.....

Becoming more and more concerned about what is happening in this country. It has been bad enough with the Americans claiming independence from International law and the goings on in Guantanamo have been very very scary but there's stuff afoot here in the UK that seems to highlight a fundametal change in our supposedly democratic country. Going through Parliament at the moment is a bill that precludes the natural right of any citizen a recourse to the courts and a fair trial, which is so fundamental to what is right and proper about our judicial system that it makes a mockery of what should be a true democracy, a democracy that has taken hundreds of years to develop! Even simple, and non-violent, street protests are under threat! It looks like soon if I hand out a Greenpeace leaflet giving information to a couple of people whilst on the street I will be committing an illegal act! It is getting very very scary!

Having a very sociable week. Met C in the picturehouse and then went on to the Rainbow restaurant in Kings St, had some splendid french onion soup amidst good conversation and a single glass of white wine!!!! Having the car is moderating the alcohol consumption!! Then yesterday went with R, a kiwi workmate to The venue for lunch and it was lovely lovely food, a gorgeously white setting, and exceptionally friendly service, definitely happy to go back there again, it was probably the best for food that I have experienced since the Blue Print Cafe in Shad Thames and then tonight I'm off to a Darwin Lecturegiven by Kate Adie, which should be very interesting!!!! Tomorrow I have a climbing wall supervisors course and sunday a first aid course... busy busy busy!!!!!

It's already thursday and I haven't even mentioned the weekend!! The gig on friday; lovely to see S&R again!! Had beer with them and then headed to the Palais in Hammersmith. It's a small venue which seems oddly sideways??? I know that doesn't sound at all logical but it is a sideways gig, the stage just seems in the wrong place??? So the support band were the Departure, who sounded like Joy Division meets Franz Ferdinand, and really epitomised a fairly solid support band... they were listenable to but not enough to stop conversation! and then there was Graham! Now I don't know if I was distracted by conversation, have seen Graham maybe far too many times or it was the venue??? Went into the moshpit but it was full of unfriendly teenager boys, jiggled a bit but then headed to the periphery again to rejoin friends, Graham ended with a very self indulgent piece that had worrying reminders of 70's prog rock.... but I still love the bloke in his nerdyness

Saturday and i decided to forgo the SUV stickering to head into Covent Garden for the important purchase of a climbing harness. Tried a number on and one was by far the most comfortable and seeing as i'll be wearing it most of the day whilst working it seemed the one to buy so I got a Petzl Calidris



and was very very excited indeed... now impatient to try it out!

oh dear... have you ever sent an email by mistakenly clicking reply rather than forward??? oh dear... I just have... hopefully C will have a sense of humour....

and tonight it is Graham!!!

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You know what it's like when you are walking hurriedly in search of lunch and you see ahead placcarded people thrusting leaflets to all and sundry.... usually I give a wide berth, avoid eye contact and march onwards... today instead I, inexplicably, reached out and requested a leaflet.... ???? I do not know what on earth made me do this...? Odd indeed... and odder indeed are the contents!

The leaflet describes the possible means to effect global change....! It simply gets people to vote for a political party or politician that pledges to implement the Simultaneous Policy alongside other governments who have also pledged to do so...... The SP policies to be adopted are things such as fair trade/ environmental sustainability /true democracy /an end to weapons of mass destruction and to war itself... all seemingly idealistic pipe-dreams at the moment because all governments are strait-jacketed by market/corporate forces..... this is a means of giving voters a more cohesive base... it is quite a radical idea... but if enough people sign up it could possibly start to effect the behaviour of political parties ..... hmmmmm interesting indeed!!!

and a possible answer is ETA an organisation similar to the AA or RAC but they only support sustainable transport and you can offset your CO 2 emmisions as well!!!

as a supposedly eco-friendly environmentally aware sort of person I am deriving an awful amount of pleasure from the ownership of a car!!!!

oh dear not doing a very good job looking after Gordon, who has since been renamed Bella. Luigi, (who is Steven Hawkin's hardresser!!!!) called him Gordon but now after driving her I feel a sex change is necessary and she is now Bella the beautiful!!! So ... set off nice and early saturday morning, parked around the corner from the train station as I'm too much of a cheap skate to pay for a weekend's worth of parking in a BR car park. Found a nice little car park for a DIY shop so left Bella there, caught the train and met up with people at Holborn tube... went to the start of the march and was handed a blue and orange flag with odd symbols on it, one of them a yin and yang (Mongolia) and stood in line listening to loud radical protest songs and just sort of waiting, happily enough, for the march to start. A while later, and we were definitely on Greenpeace time here... so have no idea of the actual time.... and after hurried instruction about flag waving, from a man I learned later was called John, we set off. The flags were of all the countries that had signed up to the Kyoto Treaty, there were about 140 in all and made a very colourful vibrant spectacle as we walked for 3 miles around London's city centre.





Photo's by Andrew Or on the Campaign against Climate Change website

On arrival at the US embassy flag wavers got to wave their flags enthusiatically while orchestrated by John into waving continent by continent, highlighting the lack of a flag from North America, I was surprised to find that Australia was also missing from the group too!!!! Then there were speeches, then there were drinks, found myself with friends singing Bohemian Rhapsody in a very loud voice on the tube...hmmm now how did that happen??????

Sunday we struggled to get up/move/do anything ....one of the group declared they wanted to keep a pet Jackdaw, an idea which was met with supefaction by some, utter horror by others. I had heard this suggestion before but really hadn't taken it terribly seriously, thinking it more of a whim and not really thought through in any practical way, so I totally took the piss but it appears that D was going as far as getting a Jackdaw box set up in woods so that he could help himself to a chick if a pair chose to nest there. Lets hope the residence proves to be highly undesirable...


... by about 3 o'clock managed to wend our beery way to Trafalgar sq for the Chinese New Year celebrations... to see and hear the very last performance of the day The Red Poppy Drummers!! and splendid they were too!

so I headed back to Cambridge ... to find the DIY shop that Bella was parked in to be closed and big massive gates locking Bella in!!!!!! Had to get a lift from Angel!!Bella is still there.... will have to rescue her after work....

went to my first Cambridge Greenpeace meeting last night and now find myself co-ordinator!! should be interesting. This Greenpeace group was a little different to others I have come across, friendly enough indeed, in fact they seemed a very pleasant bunch, but their minds were focused on disertations and deadlines and they were very intense about all issues, which obviously is not a bad thing, but I wanted them to lighten up a bit too... it was all about agenda's ,minute taking and points of order!!! Compared to Southwark's meeting in the Royal Festival Hall's foyer this was very very ordered!! One gentle chap also suggested that we don't push the fact that we're a Greenpeace group too much as it can be antagonistic!!!! Surely it is much better to talk to people about our aims and goals and get people to understand why the group acts the way it does rather than hide away from the issues...!

the weekend looks good... going on a march tomorrow concerning the Kyoto treaty, meeting up with friends for that and continuing on to Carla's for dinner then sunday celebrating the Year of the Rooster... and seeing as I am a Rooster I feel this is a worthy cause indeed!!

Thanks to Mr Wolf for a positive comment too, not that I don't want the negative ones but obviously nicer ones are................... nicer!!!

braved the rust bucket pages, met the inimitable Luigi and now am the proud possessor of a VW golf!!! called Gordon! sweet! sweet! sweet! Gordon will be coming home with me tonight and I will look after him for as long as he lives, which considering his age and rust bucketness might not be too long but he was cheap and that was the major factor on my list! So Gordon and I will hopefully have a long and fruitful relationship, travel many many miles together and enjoy each other's company!!!! Anyone want a visit just let me know when you are free... I want to journey!!!!!

time zipps too much! it's now wednesday and nearly a week since I wrote anything!! So what has happened in the meantime???.... had an internet date that was quite enjoyable!!! That's an unusual occurance indeed! Restores one's faith a bit! So I might even see him again! But not getting too excited about it... quite happy on my own really at the moment....

am enjoying the unusual pleasure of having money in my bank account, I know this one defintely wont last but it's a fleeting pleasure nevertheless... and was quite excited to purchase new saucepans and other stuff for the kitchen, now how exciting a life do I lead???!!! Purchased paint for the kitchen too... now this is where it really does get exciting.... four lushciously vibrant colours were selelcted by J and myself, spent a while on the choice and then some more time on the choice of which colour for which wall... so the major colours for the main walls are a deep purple and a rich turquoise, these are opposite each other and inbetween are a strawberry- almost pillar box red and a marvellously sunshine yellow for the wall with the window........ and oddly it works really really well, I mean surprisingly well! It has made the kitchen warm and vibrant and pleasant to be in, and definitely added a touch of individualism to it! Odd as I have spent the last 20 years painting all walls white and shying away from any colour experience....

went to see Ocean's 12 on saturday with the girls... pleasant film ...pleasant evening...

now attempting to purchase a cheap car...before I spend all my tax rebate on fripperies....where to start?????? without a car I cant go looking at garages that sell them...and buying from the small adds seems fraught with potential rust buckets??? any suggestions?

of course the nice thing once I have actually bought a car is that I will be able to visit old friends again, go off on weekends whenever I want, purchase more than one carrier bag full of shopping at a time and get phone calls in the middle of the night from J or J pleading for a lift!!! Plus might cut down on alcohol consumption... perhaps....

happy happy happy... tax rebates make you happy....

back on the auction site... have found a cooker... loads of money... half price so far... if I keep my cool and wait until 10 seconds before the close I might get it!!!!!! It closes at 5.00 so crossing fingers that no-one else bids in the meantime...

and have had a look at bloggernity again and Delilah is now No. 5 in Most Popular and No. 6 in Top Rated!!! and no it wasn't me that did the other hits!!!!

ah the excitement of the chase... discovered the delights of bidding on an internet auction yesterday .... and the agony!!!

was trundling around looking for a reconditioned cooker as my cooker needs a repair and I wondered if it would be cheaper to get a newish one... and I discovered Comet Clearance auctions!! trawled through the pages and spotted a small freezer with a standing bid of £61 and the auction finished at 5.00! Yes I know I was looking for a cooker but I need a freezer too!!!! and this was potentially cheap... so I made my bid for the next price which was £71... after half an hour of mild interest I was outbid... so I decided to try to outwit my fellow bidder and I waited deciding that 4.58 would be the right time to place my next bid.... after literally clock watching for nearly an hour I clicked on confirm bid.... the page flashed Bidding Closed and my fist punched the air in excitement!! but my inbox was flashing with an incoming mail... I hadn't made the final bid... someone else got there in the closing seconds!!!!!!!

Made the afternoon much more interesting though!!!