hmmmm what do you say about a life?

My dad is dead and words will need to be said at his funeral...

a eulogy no less, a summing up of a whole lifetime into maybe 5 minutes of talking by a stranger in a church. Which is odd to start with as he was an atheist for most of his life, apparently only recently taking on the role of believer??Weird.. there goes the line about integrity....

and then the whole family man thing...

well yes he was married and had three children and four grandchildren. But his marriage was hardly a happy one. He was a domineering bully who put his own needs before any other. His last significant words to me were 'I have lost my power' and that was the last time i saw him alive. He attempted suicide by cutting his wrists and then when that failed possibly took an overdose of warfarin... he could not cope without his power, his identity as a fit athletic, strong man... that identity had withered considerably.

So his marriage was miserable and his children hated him. He neither offered help nor advice in his fatherly role, mostly denigrating his children's achievements and throwing tons of negativity their way.and so on to his grandchildren.. here there is a significant difference; they liked him, mostly, and thought he was funny! He was a funny old man to them mainly because of the loss of power. They saw the husk of his former self and therefore he was not taken seriously and they could laugh at his bluster and nastiness because he could not harm them physically. But he could still hit with his spoken barbs. he had an uncanny and highly accurate knack of judging someones weight and would announce his opinion of their size as a family member arrived to visit... he was hardly ever out by more than a couple of pounds and so he would embarrass his visitor who had maybe put on a little more weight than they wanted. Another uncanny knack was to spot a weakness and bring attention to it, loudly and in full voice... and so if there was a slight thinning of hair it would be mentioned... a lack of confidence commented on or maybe someone had had a number of jobs in quick succession .. he would invariably mention these... and not in a supportive and encouraging way....

but the grandchildren liked him.... and got support from their parents when he was rude and unwelcoming. They needed to be told not to take his insults personally but rather that it was his problem, and that he was a grumpy old man.. and the advice seemed to work...

pity he didn't appreciate their affection....

and so nice words will be said and hymns will be sung

and afterwards the house will feel welcoming and happy

for the first time ever

because he has gone...