lots of plans made last night... met up with W and had a couple of drinks and discussed doing a climbing course, the single pitch award (SPA) in Devon so we can get some surfing in, what festivals to go to... Surfstock will be a definite and the Isle of Wight looks like a good possibility.... climbing in the peak district and really getting to grips with lead climbing... how to deal with the teenagers at Mepal and I'm not talking the ones that come for the courses... and it was lovely! Oddly I have found a good friend, someone to do stuff with at last!!!


and today it's my birthday.... 30 years ago when I was 18 the Sex Discrimination Act came into being. I was excited, hopeful indeed that equality was truely just around the corner...........30 years on and i think the corner is even further away.. women are still raped and barristers question what they were wearing, how much they drank and their previous sexual history... women are still not paid at the same level... within households it is still women who maintain the house doing the majority of cleaning shopping and care.... what I find more insidiously scary though is what has happened to children's toys... toys were just toys when I was younger, I had a football and dolls... nobody thought or said anything of it... nowadays it is all about boys toys and girls toys... there's a fluffy pink girly aisle in Woolworths and a macho camoflage, metal one for boys... they are seperate, different and in fact world's apart... there are boy flicks and chick flicks ... it is all neatly packaged in very seperate boxes.... whereas what I had hoped for at 18 was the freedom to be whomsoever I wanted to be without recourse to stereotypical gender behaviour... maybe that's sort of how I have been... in that I am a climbing instructor... I like working with kids... have long hair but always wear the trousers and pink is one of my favourite colours ... but I do think I might be considered slightly odd by some.... I dont care now but how would I have coped as a child growing up in this boxed and dystopic world!! ??

calmer much calmer........

so wishing everybody a bit of peace for the next week and in fact for the world forever, now wouldn't that be nice! So here's hoping there's no major environmental disaster, no famine, no corruption, no torture, no killings/murders/rapes/any other horrendous stuff.... no illness no suffering no death... ok sorry getting carried away... I know it's all impossible and that we need the whole life/death cycle thing ... without autumn there could be no spring ... without death no life and all that but, well I think I'm just simply trying to say 'best wishes' and may all your dreams be splendidly possible


love H/D

killing time..... at work and have totally lost the will to live... 'Misery's' negativity fills the room and her anger is unrelentless... plus having to deal with crap at home.... larger J has told me I should be grateful to H for doing the housework!!! and if I say 'but it's me that's doing it all' I sound niggardly and petulant!! hmmmm is it pc to even use the word niggardly any more???? bah!

feel as heavy as a 10 ton russian tank rolling into Czechoslovakia in 1968 and as happy as Gollum bah! I have lost my precious and I dont even know what it is, all I know is I have lost it!!!!!!!!!!

it's the winter solstice today and have invited people around tonight to share it with me... most can't make it, well it is a bit of an awkward night, but actually it is immaterial how many are there. I feel a real connection to this celebration in a really old hippyish sort of way! It is ancient, it is part of the natural cycle of life on the earth. I mean it is obvious that it is a very dark time of year and after today it will start to get lighter. So it is all about rebirth, starting over, recognising the past years events and acknowledging the importance of friends in one's life too.... seems to make sense to celebrate ... so am sending loads of best wishes and love to all in celebration of an excellent year just past and an exciting time ahead....

Having fun on Ebay, well it is friday! have two bids in at the moment....very exciting indeed maybe after today I will have all the gubbings needed for my new bathroom, maybe not and I'll have to start again on monday!

Also have been having fun on guardian soulmates with a cool surfer dude chappie and then there's the possibility of heading into london tonight for a greenpeace party, there's field archery on sunday too, so I will be out in a little woodland, bow and arrows in hand shooting at a variety of plastic prey! Going to be a splendid weekend

and there's only a few days left before it the days start to get lighter sooner... can't wait for the solstice this year as next year looks really quite buzzy and I am completely unable to live in the moment as there's so much to look forward to!! buzzy buzzy buzzy!!!!

Another lovely weekend this one full of films, good conversation and a wonderful sense of well-being.... sobbed my way through Before Sunrise and Before Sunset... fascinating filming... two people just talking.... but so many of their words have been mine, so many ideas expressed were so familiar... it was like watching a bit of my life... and yet... i have no Jesse... I took the wrong train I guess....

anyway went to the cinema to see The Constant Gardener which was a very satisfying film on all levels, the cinematography was beautiful, the characters were richly drawn, the storyline was important, the poignancy spiked home and it made me cry, cry for the victims, cry because of the injustice, cry because of the love... ahhhhhh very satisfying indeed... and because of what might be happening later this year I did not come away from that sort of film with the empty despondant feeling of 'what can I do about it all?' as I might well be playing my own small part in the bigger picture

had a drink with Rose in CB2 too and really enjoy the new opening hours too... found this the same on Sunday evening when J & J and I went to The Portland Arms for a game of pool but ended up joining in their pub quiz... a very difficult heavily music based quiz...it finished and we had a couple of drinks after it.... and left the pub around 12 ish. on a SUNDAY NIGHT! Lovely lovely lovely, much more relaxed and civilised indeed

I simply thought that rendition was all to do with singing....


but no I am wrong, I heard the phrase 'extraordinary rendition' through the haze of sleep one morning on R4... I was confused.... no it was not about singing or artistic performance.... it was to do with the US.... and torture... I dozed off.... woke again and pondered my dream... bizarre I thought....

turns out it was not a dream.... I have been horrified by recent reports of US activities... there has been Guantamamo where the US has flaunted International Law... there has been Abu Grave... which was disgusting.... there have been other tales all quite shocking concerning the US and prisoners....

how dare they! Why??? What excuse or reason can be used???? If US soldiers were treated in this way what horror and outrage would be blasted from all media sources!?... are they not putting forward an idea of 'spreading democracy'??... how can they justify any action that treats fellow humans in such a way?? and what of the UK... we have allowed these flights to land , take off and use our airports, are we not complicit in these actions by our 'turning a blind eye'?

it is so horrific a backward turn in ethical actions on behalf of a supposedly 'civilised government' that I am shocked to the core and wonder what is happening to the world....and what can be done

good good weekend! On arriving at King's x saturday morning I jumped off the train and felt wonderfully at home! That buzz! Went on the march, one of the friendliest I've been on so far...


image taken from the Campaign for Climate change webpages Photo by Andy Bodycombe


kept bumping into people I knew mostly either from Greenpeace or Glastonbury....in a way it was an easy non-confrontational march to be on.. I mean who can argue with the principles behind it, well apart from the White House of course, but I had an odd moment at the start of the march... arrived earlyish and sort of volunteered to be a steward... not really sure what this entailed but put the neon tabbard thingy on and stood trying to be helpful, giving directions and stuff.... before the march started there was plenty of handing out of placcards and banners and as a steward I was asked to hand out as many placcards for the 'Campaign for Climate Change' to people at the front of the march so it was all nice and visible!! Trouble was these people were real keenies from other organisations and they had their own issues they wanted to publicise!!! and so most refused my offer of a banner! another odd moment came late as we reached the US Embassy and went towards the park... at first the police said people could go in there and so a number trundled in but then the police changed their minds.... I was asked to direct people away from the entrance and around to where the crowd was gathering to hear speaches... I felt utterly like calling out... 'ok lets take the park' and charging!! but intead I did as instructed and felt utterly disloyal, like I was acting on the wrong side!!!!!..... but that aside it was a very pleasant walk, even the rain didn't diminish the enjoyment too much and I had a hat!!

and the evening looked like it was progressing brilliantly too as we all went to a pub just round the corner form the US embassy, well not everybody that was on the march obviously I mean the Greenpeace lot!! Carla even managed to bring one of the top speakers to join us... and here it gets a bit hazy.... trouble is I had marched all day, withough stopping to get any food, and well I'm never any good at taking sandwiches along! So I hit the pub really buzzy and dying of thirst... they served buckets of wine and I greedliy consumed a couple very quickly... that was enough! I was rubbish!!!!! and although suddenly got buzzy again at about 1.00 am it was a wasted opportunity!! I was out and about and completely incoherent... well nothing new there I hear some mutter!!! ... 'must do better' is all I can think!!


Sunday had a quick sprint around one floor of the Tate Modern...loved the Warhol! What power in an image!!!

Met S and R and had a lovely lunch just chatting, catching up, exchanging views... ahhhh lovely indeed.....