Hadn't realised frosted leaves actually clatter as they fall to the ground, but that's what they are doing this morning and it presages all that winter represents... gloom, biting cold, a search for the other glove, scraping ice off various things ahhhhhh it is no good I just don't like this time of year at all. Yes we have had a gloriously warm October and yes the skies have been a crisp cerulean blue for the last few days but it is getting darker earlier and noticeably so and there are those glittery things appearing in shop windows, things that have baubles and other glittery things dangling from them ahhhhh it's bah humbug time indeed!

Time for a change! Using one of Rowena's pictures for the header and I hope you like it...seems totally appropriate as it is soooooo cambridgeshire! that landscape is the background of my life.... one wonders how I became a climber!! The remarkable thing about Rowena's work is that it is appliqued work.... in a gallery it looks like an oil painting and then you are drawn in to look closer until you realise that each block of colour is an individual piece of fabric and each piece of fabric is sewn together to make the composite whole.... really lovely work indeed!

ok .... does this bloke seem real?!? I have exchanged a number of fairly esoteric, succinct emails with him... and see that he is now in the 'popular' list, oh yes even dating sites reflect the hierarchical nature of our society!!! even 'Guardian soulmates!! a site supposedly for politically correct, intelligent lefties !! oh yes it is deeply embedded within whatever we strive to do and don't get me started on the ageism that is prevalent here too!!!!.... anyway.... just read this and then give me advice... is this man for real? should I even attempt any sort of correspondence or is it some make-believe fantasy profile and the guy in reality lives with his mum on an estate in Luton and works in a wellington boot factory???

read on:
I'm deeply curious/frequently filled with awe, laughing lots, frequently silly. Enjoying fine/visual/performance arts; playing guitar/singing. good listener/learning to be a better communicator.

HUMBLING MOMENTS:
PHYSICALLY: Trekking Himal with 50 pound backpack, watching 4' sherpas carrying 140lbs of pepsi cruising by...or... INTERSPECIES: being attacked by a alpha male howler monkey after cataloguing harem, collapsing from impact of guanacaste fruit it threw at my head, camera smashing, paralized, calling to my students for help, the alpha male screaming from the tree limbs 5 feet above... EMOTIONALLY: Being present at births/deaths of people I love...and even those I don't know so well.

for fun:
tundra alpine zones, rainforests temperate/tropical, coral reefs/turtle grass beds, roped friends dancing high ridges, somersaults descending reef walls weightless, gazelling tropical savannahs by sand rivers; backpack, scuba, telemark, sea kayak...alpine mountaineering, climbing...long-distance hiking...

my job:
Natural/Biocultural History, Environmental Sciences/Studies. Community-based participatory action research. Traditional Ecological Knowledge/Processes of Inquiry. Protected areas studies. Internationalist. NGO Director, GOV, university. Fine art fotographer/printer, writer, foto journalist, national geographic society expert lecturer, nomad professor...
nature, nature, nature... My sense of self/life's meanings are deeply interwoven with my lover, nature, my friends/family and communities in which I live/work. I'm atheist fascinated by others beliefs, myths and faith. Nature/nurture, power/wealth, resonance/dissonance. Evolution is like gravity, there it is! Exploring beyond post-modernism. nature/metropolis inspiring me.

favorite things:
sultry jazz w/female vocalist, chet's sax, ball mozarella w/plump organic tomato smothered in virgin olive oil, dark French chocolate w/ 92% Ecuadorian cacoa, making love in the tropical intertidal, splashing, the million star hotel...

wow!

I am utterly crap at working in an office... do the bare minimum and then spend the rest of the time exchanging emails or surfing the net for imponderables... last night though returned to Mepal and it was lovely... miss them/it all! realise that the job was so good for me in that there were no short cuts, no time off, no fudging stuff... you had to do the job properly because it changed people's lives and that was such a different criteria!!

Anyway went climbing last night and woke up some atrophying muscles but it has made me feel alive and bouncy today!!! So much so that I walked into reception to collect stuff for the seminar room, someone commented on how alive and bouncy I seemed I said I'd been climbing and the receptionist told me about a new climbing wall at her gym! It is on the way home!! So tonight I will have to check it out!... Think what this little waffle was all about was that once you get into a positive frame of mind, things start happening, things that increase the positivity and it's all for the good! Wish I could get this across to my eldest...his negativity is boundless, his anger intense and he brings a lot of what happens to him because of it! I really don't know how to get him to see the world in a different way, it all seems so embedded in his psyche??? Will he grow out of it, I can only hope so....

have been flirting with Guardian soulmates again and am 'corresponding' with a few hopefuls... and they seem very nice and very positive....hmmmm but all are based in the west country?? Is this a coincidence I wonder????

just browsing stuff and planning the next few weekends activities, one of which includes a march and I found this picture....



see the blurry smiley face in the background... wearing a pink scarf!! yours truely!! and the chap in the foreground... well that's another story!!!! sadly you cant see the Mongolian flag I was carrying....

have occasionally checked out my blog on the bloggernity site and usually it has had one or two ratings a few hits nothing terribly spectacular at all.... until today!!! suddenly readers have started rating it and my god what awful ratings!! has my haphazard writing style and execrable spellings suddenly taken a downturn, please tell me... let me know.... or is it anything to do with shooting at lifesize plastic deer and really enjoying the experience??? it was plastic!!!

So looking forward to the weekend! Have been working in my new office since monday but worked the full weekend at Mepal so it seems like ages since I didn't have to get up to go into work!

The last weekend at Mepal was really pleasant although the whole fortnight prior to that I had felt 'out of sorts' you know that indefinable not too happy feeling. But heard from the university temp agency on thursday that there was a job for me starting on monday and that took the whole uncertainty thing away and I could enjoy my last few days there unhindered by niggling worries... and I certainly did enjoy it, particularly saturday!!!

We had a couple of chaps from Ely archery booked in to check out how suitable the site was for field archery and I had been given the task of showing them around... I wasn't too sure about the whole thing, didn't really know what it entailed but they duly arrived and I was absolutely horrified to see them take from their car a life sized 3D plastic model of a deer!! They had a couple of other 3D shapes too and some splendid looking bows and kit!! Soooooo started wandering around the site, their enthusiasm was quite infectious and very soon they had picked an appropriate first spot and they used a 3D ball shape, chucked into an open spot on the grass and shot at it.... I sort of got the itch to have a go myself so I went in search of my favourite bow, rushed back and had a go! Hit it first shot and felt very pleased with myself... we then went into a little woodland area we use as a trust trail, ie a group of paired people, one blindfolded the other acting as their guide go around a course of obstacles, it is quite hilly and very wooded and so the deer was placed half hidden by foliage.. I just couldn't resist and took aim.... it was rather like reverting to childhood and playing 'bows and arrows' and yes I hit the deer. It has a little 'kill zone' marked in the chest area and if you hit it you score maximum points!!.... we all got rather carried away with it and ended up shooting from the fork in a tree, the top of a climbing frame, through a number of tree branches and my god it was fun!! Quite buzzy indeed!!!

and so now I sit in an office at as a 'postgraduate secretary' dealing with the day to day admin of one of the departments in the university... so far so good, quite like my little role!!

Went to see Rob Newman and Mark Thomas on sunday night.



Amazing!! Rob Newman was incredible, he stumbled a bit at the start, was that because his Mum was in the audience?? He soon, though, hit a very fast paced, fact filled diatribe against climate criminals, the US policy in Iraq, the real reasons for the start of the First world war and countless other politically important issues and it all made sense and it all made everyone laugh!! Oh yes there was gaylord tennis too!!! He is a very watchable man and seems quite authentic in his environnmental concern.... Amazing indeed!

Mark Thomas on the other hand was oddly less stridently political and less effective... so I went to queue to get a copy of Mr Newman's book after the show, had a little wait, successfully purchased a copy of The Fountain at the centre of the world, found J& J, they suggested I get the book signed as RN was standing nearby... went over and got caught in between one of RN's friends introducing other people so felt the need to introduce myself..... and ask for his signature.... hastily made my escape straight afterwards....also very pleased at J & J's reaction to the show too... proud of them as they are both political animals too!

Back at home and cleaning!!! Listening to my launchcast radio station and realise that I can put a link to it so, if you fancy trying it out, take a listen to all my favourites... love it as you can update it constantly and it chucks in other recommendations too so you can hear new stuff as well... plus if there's an oldie that isn't in my collection I can select the particular song and it will be played!!! So it is even better than my own music collection!!!hmmmmmmmmmmm do i sound like an ad???

It's Saturday night and I have been working today with a sixth form group taking their D of E awards. They have been pleasant people to work with and it has generally been a nice day. Lunchtime though I found time to give youngest J a call and discovered that two days ago he was hit over the head with a brick whilst on his way home from work and had his wallet stolen. I felt I could have cried and immediately wanted to rush to his side and administer chicken soup or something similar!!!!! But I feel sad that I have heard this news two days later, that I'm out of his social loop to such an extent that I didn't get to hear sooner... feel particularly crap actually... I'm not only out of J's social loop I am out of the whole world's social group and stuck here in my caravan enjoying work but that's it... there is nothing else!!!!! The highlight of my social calendar is the pub quiz in Mepal on a sunday night!!!!! The only bloke that's showed any interest in me recently was the new caretaker of Soham Village school and we all know what happened to the old one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that I'm actually in search of a bloke... oddly a night out with friends is more desired, feel I left London and life behind.... there were people I could talk to relate to drink with have a laugh with just normal stuff... here I sit in my caravan watching either my surfing and yoga video or Channel 4 (my TV only works on one channel!) Last night I succumbed to getting a knot book off the shelf and teaching myself how to tie a bowline!!!!! How sad is that!!! (Though it will be useful!!!!)And tonight, well tonight could be a repeat performance. Reading Birds without Wings a book by the chappie who wrote Captain Corelli's Mandolin which was a book I didn't really get past the second chapter as the characters all seemed utterly pointless... this book is better by far and the story seems intricately woven and the characters have meaning... but I need more....

Jake's ok by the way and not too badly hurt just shaken up a bit

Hawaii is calling



in fact I think it is waving furiously in my direction... ok is this a good proposition????... there is a place there that runs yoga and surfing 'experiences' and as well as the holiday opportunity they also offer the chance to do a sort of working holiday thing with them... so you pay your airfare but get fed and have somewhere to sleep, work for them but also get the chance to join in with some activities, which for me would absolutely have to be the surfing... can you imagine the chance of being able to surf in Hawaii!!! Those long clean breaks!!!!!! A long board you can do head stands on! ahhhhh bliss indeed... oh yes you have to pay what they call a work trade discount... of about $200... is this a good idea ????? I think it might be the ideal solution to my normal holiday dilemma of not really looking forward to the prospect of two weeks alone and it would certainly keep me busy!!!!! ??? Sooooo I'm hoping that by next spring I can save up enough to do it!!! It would definitely be very interesting to see how this type of business runs... maybe get some inspiration

Cant keep away.... there are things bubbling away inside that need an outlet and I miss Delilah!!!! So here I am again.... update, had an incredible holiday in Cornwall, rode a few waves no less and returned a very glowing positive woman...



now it's the end of the season and I am looking for work in Cambridge as I have promised eldest son that I will not put the flat up for rent as i felt it would be too much for him to cope with, he is now back with girlfirend who is reassuring him he will not be dumped again!?! Will just wait and see on that one, at the moment they are both happy smiley people......

so youngest son has moved in with his boyfriend and is working in Peterborough and I miss him... but this is what happens i guess

Have plans in my head to find a way to start a business in Cornwall.... so need to find a way to push myself in that direction.... I must go, I have wanted to for years .. but I've got this dammed flat/albatross hanging around my neck not allowing any escape... got into arrears... now paying them back and unable to pay other bills... all a bit stressed really so I escape to work for a few days and blank it all out... then come back to a pile of post that I ignore yet it beckons to me insistently!!!!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm went to see a friend yesterday at the university to see if there are any suitable jobs... so it looks like I'm back in an office for the winter... oh yes there was the ghost of a chance of a working holiday in Hawaii..... but the albatross tugs too tightly

Feel that Delilah is coming to an end. Whether it is to be an end of a chapter or a more permanent finish I'm not too sure just yet. It just seems time to move on to another part of my life... if you want to stay in touch then please email me or phone for a chat, it would be lovely to hear from you....

lots of love


Helen

Back from Cambridge Folk Festival today... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! It was good!!! but now very tired, very tired indeed as much alcohol was consumed, added to a couple of late nights/early mornings, some great conversations. I am really suffering from the loss of discrimination of what to write, how much to write... suffice to say.. it was good.... and will probably be able to write something more coherent tomorrow. Thanks N for the pictures .... gorgeous!!!

Further thoughts on the HP book... for the first time J K Rowling assumed a level of prior knowledge which was a blessed relief... so this time the first chapter doesn't consist of a potted history of the previous books, which is good, the converse of this is that I really think I should have re-read the Order of the Pheonix before reading this one as its a couple of years since I looked at a Harry Potter book and my memory just isn't as good as it used to be. Another improvement is that Harry seems to have regained his.... ummmm his happier side... he was a little angry and dark throughout the last book... this time he seemed much more philosophical about his 'fate'.... but the one really really inexplicable thing about this book and something that did start to irritate somewhat is that H continued on a course of actions that even he should have known from previous experience was totally totally stupid.....and would obviously have dire repercussions.... and yet JK Rowling continued down a very very similar path to one previously explored....???? Odd indeed

just finished reading a book I picked up in Tesco's yesterday..... bought the child's version as it is after all a children's book... though it is quite a meaty read for all that. Yes I have spent the last 24 hours reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and yes I did enjoy it.... shall I mention who gets killed... well Richard (from Richard and Judy) was right in his suggestion... and his reason for the death was absolutely spot on... by the end of the book Harry experiences love, loss and true friendship.... it was all there and I nearly shed a little tear... for a day's read it wasn't too bad at all.....

now the sun is shining I must get outdoors... a bit of cricket on Jesus Green with J & J might be the answer!

Am getting a little closer to my aim of swimming daily as it has been beautifully hot so I have dived into the lake at every opportunity... getting used to swimming with the fishes and they are remarkably brave and happy to swim around my toes which is slightly unsettling. Have also had a couple of attempts at windsurfing but... there has never quite been the right sort of wind (my excuse anyway) Mostly it has been too little wind which leaves me with another swimming option. I have perfected the technique of placing the sail on the board, lying flat and as far forward as possible and simply swimming arms only.... you really glide along, bouyancy isn't a problem and it gets rid of any possibility of growing bingo wings!!! Excellent!

Need to get back to regular posting on this blog. All the stuff I want to say piles up in my head and then I don't make the time to write it down and it sort of dissipates, gets lost somewhere, floats into some sort of interweb ether...

sooooo firstly I need to have a little rant about car adverts... why is it that manufacturers think they can fuse the use of cars with nature in such a integral way...cars and car-use destroy the natural environment!!!! roads kill off biodiversity, the fuel that we use casually floats off into the atmosphere and destroys the natural balance of things and they are, old or new, ugly unsightly mechanical heaps!! and yet a car advert has a single glistening vehicle in some distant rural setting zipping around as if it was the only 'creature' on the planet... there's a new one that amazed me.. it leaves a vapour trail behind it and people are looking at this polluting smog in wonder as if it was something special??? now what is that all about?????????

ok rant over... that one has been wafting through my brain cells in need of release for some time now and well yes that is what blogs are for is it not????

and so the search for the london bombers continues, the return to a sort of normality takes place, we had a two minutes silence across Europe on Thursday... and my head swims with thoughts.... we have not had any minutes silence for any civilian deaths in Iraq.... perhaps we should??? I was in a little woodland with 10 eleven year olds on thursday and we stopped what we were doing and I found it quite a special moment... just being silent, thinking of the connection of all of those others also standing silent... and it really makes me ponder human connectivity and the power it gives... maybe it brings out the old hippy in me but I am sure there is something beyond individuals and there is 'something' that connects us in ways beyond present day understanding????

Anyway stepping aside from weird new agey ponderings... to the people that planted the bombs... I thought it was very good that good old Ken (Livingstone)did not speak of revenge, eye for an eye type rhetoric but was calm and spoke of the need for understanding and peace... this is not a time, in fact there is never a time, when violence can be answered by violence... it just escalates the whole situation....I truely feel for the bombers families as much as for the victims families... it must be terrible to discover that one's child could be involved in something so awful, to be so committed to a violent ideology that they actually killed for it.... ??? another thing beyond comprehension.... but but but....

listening to R4 the other morning when they announced that it had indeed been British citizens that carried out the bombings, the next news item concerned American officers in Guantanamo Bay being accused of abusive and degrading activites to their 'prisoners', the final main story was about British soldiers possibly being charged with war crimes for their activities in Iraq... and the injustice of it all reminded me of some angry young Irish men that I knew in the 70's who felt so strongly about other acts of injustice that they considered violence as an option...and although I could never condone any act of violence I could understand their anger, (thankfully the IRA have (sort of) come to understand that violence does not help any cause).... it is possible to have some level of empathy with angry young muslims today..... hopefully they too will come to realise that violence just isn't an answer????????

came across this blog and thought you might like to read some of the quotes from Fox News!!

I feel this blog is being sadly neglected of late as I am now spending more and more time at Mepal staying in my caravan and living in a world that appears far from my previous existence of sitting at a computer screen day in day out. But this week events unfolded that brought the two worlds aligned for a while.... we had a group of school children in from a central London school on Thursday and as we were preparing for a day of high ropes, climbing and kayaking news started filtering in of an explosion in London. At first it was simply one text message from a girl's mother but soon there was enough to warrant putting on the TV to discover just what was happening.... it became an unsettled day of listening to news unfold, carrying on as 'normal' and talking and listening to the teenagers as they in turn needed to talk through their fears and worries.... It all felt strange as the world I inhabited last year joined the world I now inhabit as I spoke to friends still living in London and working in the very areas that were targetted..... it felt personal too in an unexpected way... it felt as if it was my London that had been violated and actually Ken Livingstone put it extremely eloquently when he spoke of London as a place were you are free to be who you want to be... this is just how I feel about London and why each time I return I feel as if I am returning home... it is truely a place where you can just be... where you can be yourself without fear or recrimination... and that is what was attacked...There has been a lot of talk of the indomitable spirit of the place which is certainly true but what is also very very special about London is the sense of freedom and home that makes people from all over the world call themselves Londoners and pride themselves in the sense of belonging to the place... this to me is what was attacked... those bombs were aimed at all Londoners with absolutely no regard for religion, race, belief, status... and that's what is so senseless about it all....

so now today I sit at the computer trying to write and I feel as if I have forgotten how.... it has all become a bit meaningless