its warm and sunny, the beach looks inviting. Went to gylly beach in Falmouth yesterday and sat drawing people and reading about the Lost Gardens of Heligan a very lovely way to spend my time.. but not particularly productive I suppose

applied for a number of odd jobs yesterday, have an interview with an agency for some temping work so I guess I'll be doing something soon. Jon has mentioned doing some butterfly work in June and Lucy has put my name forward to do some scribing... ideally if i could add to those, other non 9 to 5 stuff life could be quite sweet... sell artwork?? do some markets?? get maybe something part -time.. find a much cheaper place to live... there's options out there that don't involve crap work in crap places... I really should give it a go....

and its warmer and sunnier now... heading out to Ms Peapods for lunch

am tired of describing the difficulties of getting anywhere with the phd.... need to move on in some way/somehow...

maybe can push it to keep going until i find a job... and in the meantime try to play ball

and climb, kayak, swim and play.... whilst i am here

well..... more scenario 2 in the outcome although scenario 1 was the one that was acted out.. but my supervisor 1 cannot act alone.. and had to consult with supervisor 2 who basically takes the role of supervisor 1 and has apparently tossed me to one side and cannot see any merits in anything i offer.... and i cannot receive an email from her without going into a 2 day rage... and so Sup 1 consulted sup 2 and sent a thoroughly negative email.... saying no! offering me few choices other than to get out... she insists that an historical geography approach is the only possible one and that's it... will consider nothing else.... and now i feel I can do nothing other than refuse and leave...

a sample from the email

"For all these reasons – commitment to the funding partners, the time left available and intellectual viability – your new proposal is unfortunately not viable. While we accept that it is useful for you to take stock at this time, this must be in the context of the research that was presented at your upgrade. To do otherwise will take the whole project back to the beginning and to certain non-completion. I know that you will find this disappointing news, particularly having geared yourself up towards a new start. However, I hope you will understand that we have a clear obligation to the funders - the AHRC and Porthcurno - to ensure that there is a completed and relevant PhD at the end of their 3 year’s investment.

Please take time to consider the above and how you wish to proceed."

so i will leave and the phd will not be completed....

Right

I have a meeting with my supervisor today... it could go either way...

scenario 1 -i show him new ideas for phd.. he smiles says fine, love it, get on with the work right away...

scenario 2 - i show him new ideas for phd... he sniffs, looks away, says 'what the hell!!!......'

obviously hoping for the former

ideas consist of writing the phd about an image, a sound and an object... all 3 found in museum.... using them as a means to explore the history and culture of the telegraph cable .. that's it.. quite simple really

the image is one of men grappling a cable on a beach
the sound is of a cable under the sea
the object is the cable itself

will have to see how it goes

having to get into action as everything around me is changing again

need to find a job

interrupt the phd (officially)

find various ways of making money... ebay to divest myself of clutter, selling artwork, write, consult??? will have to see.... as i didn't imagine i would need to be doing this for now....

accept that maybe I wont ever be a Dr and come to terms with that

decide where to live

find the money to fly to florida

learn to sail

and ... for now the sun is shining so i am sitting in the garden reading Wolf Hall

woo hoo.. i thought this had been consigned to the internet ether!!! but its back.. delilah is still here!! woo hoo! it means i have not lost details of the last 8 years... my memory is so indistinct nowadays that I cant remember anything

sooooo

an update

am dithering again;

whether to continue phd .....although the topic and the supervisor are driving me bonkers

to write... have got a novel underway and the ideas and research that it is throwing up are exciting me

to travel.... have the chance to sail from Florida to Guatemala with an good friend.. though not sure how much either of us actually know about sailing... i am relying on you Cx!!

to move.... to the south coast of cornwall which has a much calmer climate and lots of excellent swimming places

to find a man/partner.... or continue a close friendship with someone who wants to be single (which in effect means he doesn't want me... but it is now becoming quite comfortable and he is good company)

to sell artwork.... have been inspired by the landscape around here and maybe just maybe could sell some stuff

soooooo its all happening as usual

am sitting gazing across thebeach and pondering the alternatives but one thing that is really really good is that delilah is back as a place to ponder