and looking towards the weekend I have a date with a green transport man and a marine biologist!!! Have been lurking in the pages of udate, merely to quell the boredom of course, and well, might as well meet some new people! Last week I met Eric, an actor, hmmmmmm very very nice but he was looking for a woman to give him babies!! My god can you imagine just meeting someone when you are a teenager or early twenties, arranging a date and almost the first thing he mentions is the availability of your womb!!! You would have been astounded/shocked and somewhat put off! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh such is the experience of the post 35 (45!) dating thing!!!! So will not be seeing Eric again, I wish him good luck, sort of!

Another thought crossed my turgid little mind as I wandered aimlessly towards the tube this morning, probably why I am so often late as I haven't mastered the 'rushing about in a desperate hurry' look that is so prevalent in London... Anyway back to wandering along Rotherhithe St.... Suddenly realised that this time of year is when I start looking out for signs of spring, when those first green shoots start to appear, when birds sing extravagantly, when days get longer, you can tell here that spring is my favourite time of year. But but but I have never experienced spring in London, it was well underway when I arrived here last year and I am very concerned that I am going to miss it completely!!! There are a lot of shrubs, though mostly evergreen,on Rotherhithe St but a fair absence of green once I get off the tube at the Barbican....... hmmmmmmmm what to do??? Where to go???????????? I need a hit of new growth!!

so many thoughts today I don't know where to start ........... ahhhhhhhhhh I must apologise for yesterday's posting that suddenly and inexplicably was written in the style of Carrie Bradshaw, I really don't know why this happened and I promise faithfully (well as faithful as I can be!) that it will not happen again!! Now dear reader.......... Onwards with the thoughts of the day.......

Spitting! Now what is that about?? I remember years and years ago when I was a sweet innocent and naive 16 year old, well when I was 16 any way, I went on a little trip to Scotland to visit a boyfriend... First time traveling alone and it seemed such an adventure!! So there I was sitting in the top deck of a very grimy Glaswegian bus when I spied a sign that said 'No Spitting' now to my innocent mind what shocked me most was the thought that there must be so much spitting going on that the need to put a sign up was deemed necessary!! I had never thought about spitting in the street or worse on a bus nor had I ever noticed anyone ever doing it!!In fact I sort of wondered why? But moving on into the 21st century people, who are these people?, still spit........... It is obvious they do as you can see it and even sometimes hear it!! There is no excuse it is disgusting! Maybe not on a par with defecating or even vomiting in the street but still utterly unacceptable maybe we should start putting up signs again. You can imagine a little red circle with the appropriate line across, we are heavily into symbolism nowadays. Maybe there could be a Blue Peter competition to design a no spitting, no vomiting, no defecating sign!! Is Blue Peter still running??????????

Sitting on the tube this morning and pondering the ineffable when I started looking at shoes!! Odd how they really characterise someone.. but do they characterise more than the individual?? I was looking particularly at the high spikey heeled and pointy toed variety and wondering how anyone could actually want to wear them? At first I had two questions. initially simply;1) are they actually comfortable? and 2) What do they say about the person? But I realise that so many women wear pointy, spikey uncomfortable shoes that it is saying something more about our society than just an individual preference.... perhaps it is saying something about female sexuality too and how it is percieved and what is the norm? To me sex is all about something very natural, very much a part of everyday experience... and the shoes I wear reflect this..... they fit my feet, I can run in them... they match my body.... but pointy spikey dangerous shoes say something else about the perception of female sexuality.. they say something dark something painful something unnatural... What is our society about when for society to recognise a woman as attractive and for a woman to feel she looks attractive and sexy she has to wear something disabling, something uncomfortable, and something possibly even painful?? Weird indeed!

still rather deflated by it all... but I don't suppose it is possible to remain on a high buzzy plane all the time really, though this one is a bit too low for my liking..... Signed all the appropriate forms yesterday so the mortgage thingy is underway, feel I've forgotten something tho' or will be found out and told I can't do it....that I'm not allowed! hmmmmmmmmmmmm !

The weather has turned back to winter again and it's not a nice change... there are flowers around and surprisingly my Christmas tree has new needles emerging from the old..... they look a very very fresh green mmmmmmmmm alive indeed!

Monday morning and the mood is so diferent.. pondering a return to Cambridge as the finances are becoming scarily difficult to keep under control! But it wont be for probably 6 months or so, so will just have to see what happens. Maybe its something to do with the total realisation that the Pete thing is completely over and he, after all, was the sole reason I moved here in the first place... now that reason has gone I wonder why am I still here? and I can't actually come up with a sensible answer.... maybe I should look for a job in Cornwall instead? Who knows?

just can't stay away...... and now have no reason to not write any more......

It's been busy it's been dramatic it's been hectic! Just the last week I have seen 8 bands, one conceptual art exhibition and one film, and read two books....oh yes - got a good deal on a mortgage and have an interview for another job!!!!. Somehow managed to pack work around that lot too and going out to an exclusive bar tonight! Bugger life is amazing really!

Probably simplest just to do a list today........ will add comments thoughts and ponderings later

Bands: In order of apearance..... The Zutons, The Music, Cooper Temple Clause, Black Motorcycle Rebel Club, Franz Ferdinand, Von Bondies, The Rapture and finally Funeral for a Friend

Art: Yoko Ono Odyssey of a coakroach

Film: Elephant

Books: In Arcadia by Ben Okri, and a repeated reading of John McGregors If nobody speaks of remarkale things..................

Oh Delilah! I miss you..............My My My